KCD 2’s Henry Is Exactly How I Like My RPG Men—Raw, Unhinged, Scruffy

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I’m constantly questioning how Henry‘s still standing after everything we’ve been through.

Instead of being a hero or legend, he’s simply an ordinary individual who unexpectedly chose to navigate the challenges of medieval times, stumbling along like a tipsy villager frequently losing his balance on a horse.

But with heartfelt honesty, that’s what made him fit the bill for how I like my RPG men.

Henry embodies an uncooked, yet endearing charm: he’s a jester from the Middle Ages devoid of any prophetic burden, relying instead on sheer serendipity and courage to confront life’s unexpected challenges.

Unlike most RPG characters who begin with some level of proficiency, Henry initially has the fortune of not even managing to hit himself. For instance, on one occasion when I attempted to secretly infiltrate a noble’s mansion, instead of slipping in unnoticed, Henry ended up tripping over a bucket and sending it skidding down the hallway.

In a panic, I attempted to cover up by feigning confidence, but it all unraveled when Henry whistled unexpectedly during my purse-snatching attempt. At that moment, I was exposed and apprehended on the spot. It was then I understood that Henry was hopeless at stealth, and I might as well revel in the chaos.

At the wedding competition, I had high expectations of victory, but unfortunately, Henry suffered a crushing defeat instead. The icing on the cake was discovering afterward that not only did I win against him, but my triumph was so significant that the groom arrived at his own wedding with traces of blood still on him from our match.

As a gamer, let me tell you, nothing beats witnessing another one of Henry’s wedding antics – dancing like he was smitten, only to find himself in bed with a girl, and then waking up next morning to hear her say the sex was terrible. Well, my man Henry took it on the chin, and I couldn’t help but laugh, because honestly, it felt like karma serving him right after all those years of bad gameplay! Some fans were genuinely upset, but hey, I thought it was a hoot!

Henry’s behavior might not be indicative of him being a villain; rather, it appears that he frequently encounters circumstances that inexplicably take unexpected turns for the worse, despite his good intentions. In essence, misfortune or disorder seems to trail him wherever he goes.

Initially, I opted for the apparently straightforward Cuman task, assuming it would proceed without any hassle. However, before I knew it, Henry had become completely intoxicated, serenading the Cumans with tunes and somehow persuading them that he was one of their own.

In an unexpected turn of events, things seemed to hit rock bottom when the Cuman I had been handling suddenly woke up and bolted towards his encampment. Stranded, I found myself inebriated, bewildered, and clinging to a pilfered keg of alcohol, emitting unpleasant gas.

In essence, I’m caught up in a day filled with feigning innocence after committing a crime. When the guard approached us, Henry cleverly feigned deafness due to an old battle wound as a ruse. However, the guard seemed to pause before ultimately dismissing our act and issuing me a fine.

Henry’s explanations for his actions often provide amusing material, such as these humorous excuses:

1. “I was absolutely famished.”
2. “It was necessary to protect myself; he seemed to be about to attack me.”
3. Regarding peeking into someone’s bag, my favorite excuse of his is that there was a bee on it. (In other words, he claimed the bee had landed on the purse.)

…or the incident at the bar when Henry emerged victorious but barely managed to leave unscathed. Upon exiting, a person promptly proposed another round. Given his condition (bruised, struggling to stay upright), Henry merely nodded and re-entered the establishment.

If Henry had a guiding principle, it might be expressed as “Cleanliness is for the faint-hearted.” While I’ve encountered many characters in RPGs who can get a bit grubby, Henry takes unacceptable levels of dirtiness to an offensive extent.

Among the most delightful experiences I’ve had was stumbling into a grand courtroom after a tiresome trek, with an appearance and odor that suggested a dip in the swamp wasn’t unwarranted. The noble recoiled, wrinkling his nose as he waved his hand to shoo me off, commanding Henry to depart until I at least freshened up by washing my face.

A particularly memorable incident occurred when I arrived, disheveled and musty, at a noble court following a weary voyage. The noble winced, shielding his nose as he demanded that Henry escort me out until I had at least washed my visage.

Lastly:

One unforgettable moment was stepping into a grand courtroom after a lengthy trip, looking and smelling as if the swamp had claimed me. The noble flinched, holding his nose while he ordered Henry to see me out until I had at least cleaned up and washed my face.

In most role-playing games (RPGs), you can disregard personal hygiene, but Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 immerses you in the consequences. I decided it was high time to guide Henry towards the bathhouse to remove the odor and the suspicious glares. However, as soon as we entered, every worker at the bathhouse stiffened in a T-pose synchronously. I promptly turned around and exited, considering that perhaps Henry’s filthiness was too much for them to handle.

In a moment, I found myself lingering nearby as two characters engaged in conversation. One of them, nonchalantly, questioned the source of an unpleasant odor. At that very instant, the camera subtly shifted focus onto me, there I stood, grinning mischievously, fully aware that the scent they found so repugnant was most likely mine. No dialogue was necessary to convey my guilt.

1. Henry’s flirting attempts are as unsuccessful as his other endeavors, with the most comical example being his bizarre excuse for attempting to choke a woman. In a moment of desperation, he exclaimed, “Women find that attractive!” This ludicrous statement left even the guards momentarily speechless before letting him go with only a warning.

2. Henry’s flirting is as unlucky as everything else he tries, but his most laughable effort was when he tried to justify strangling a woman by saying, “Women love it!” Even the guards were taken aback and decided to let him go with a mere warning after hearing such an absurd statement.

3. Henry’s flirting is about as successful as a wet paper bag, and his most amusing blunder was when he claimed that strangling a woman was appealing to them. Even the guards were left stunned by his ridiculous remark, eventually releasing him with just a warning.

4. In terms of flirting, Henry’s efforts are about as effective as a blindfolded man trying to hit a target, and his most embarrassing moment came when he tried to convince people that strangling a woman was attractive. The guards were left in disbelief, ultimately choosing to let him go with only a warning for such a preposterous statement.

5. When it comes to flirting, Henry might as well be attempting to walk on water, and his most absurd moment occurred when he defended strangling a woman by saying she’d find it appealing. Even the guards were left dumbfounded before deciding to give him a warning instead of punishment.

At a particularly challenging time, Henry attempted to act as a translator between a Cuman and a woman he admired, despite not knowing any Hungarian. Unfortunately, he ended up insulting the woman on the Cuman’s behalf, realizing his mistake only when he was hit in the face shortly after.

Despite my earnest attempts to dismiss that infamous come-on from my memory, it continues to linger. His attempt at seduction with the line, “It’s raining, we should make love,” may have been absurd, but it strangely succeeded. It was nothing short of a classic Henry Rizz moment.

In this game, it seems like Henry’s most formidable adversary isn’t the Cumans or the guards; instead, it’s his own digestive system. The number of instances where his flatulence has ruined a crucial moment is hard to quantify, yet I find myself fondly amused by them all.

In a quiet, stealthy move, I found myself sneaking past a camp of guards, trying my utmost not to be noticed. As I was about to slip away unnoticed, Henry let out such an explosive flatulence that it jolted awake the guard next to him. Caught off-guard, I sprinted for cover, but alas, Henry, in his usual cleverness, stumbled and fell flat on his face right there on the ground.

Among my most memorable moments, there was an instance when Henry, clearly intoxicated, let out such a powerful fart during our discussion that the Non-Player Character (NPC) paused their speech and decided to leave. Indeed, Henry seems to be a human time bomb of sorts.

In the moment when Henry stood there, grinning as two ladies argued about a distinctively deadly odor, it turned out that the camera focused on him just then. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at how perfectly timed everything was.

He’s the kind of person who charges straight into obstacles without a care, then acts as if nothing happened. He’s like a medieval train disaster that constantly derails in grand fashion, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.

In many RPGs, you’re made to feel like an illustrious hero, a battle-hardened warrior chosen for the grand task of saving the world. King’s Court 2, however, immerses you as an individual who’s just woken up, put his trousers on the wrong way around, and is now fleeing from guards because he “unintentionally” clocked a noble in the face.

Henry is essentially a non-player character (NPC) turned protagonist, brimming with life and vitality. At any moment, he stands on the precipice of historical significance, though often for the wrong reasons due to his knack for making poor decisions.

Henry of Skalitz, you absolute disaster of a man—never change.

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2025-02-26 10:13