A Minecraft Movie is a worst hits compilation of other subpar kid’s movies

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The 2013 music video by CaptainSparklez titled “Fallen Kingdom,” which is a spin-off of Coldplay’s “Viva la Vida,” isn’t merely another example of a parody song surpassing the original track. It also serves as a well-crafted short film set within the universe of Minecraft. The animation style and elements from its storyline, such as the pesky Creepers, are all present. Interestingly, when it was first released online, it captivated me even at 16 years old, someone who hadn’t played Minecraft before. Instead of reminding me of a game I enjoyed, “Fallen Kingdom” offered something thrilling in its own right. This pixelated world is capable of accommodating compelling stories that spark the imagination.

The “Minecraft” film lacks its full potential and feels more like an overly noisy blend of other children’s movies. If one were to ask ChatGPT to replicate a movie in the style of Shawn Levy from the 2000s, it could potentially produce a movie similar to the latest work by Jared Hess.

In a different tone, let me rephrase that for you: The storyline of the movie based on Minecraft starts off in a disappointing manner, reminiscent of the 2015 PG-rated flop Tomorrowland directed by Brad Bird. Similar to Tomorrowland, the structure of A Minecraft Movie presents viewers with a magical world not once but twice, even before the main characters arrive. Regrettably, just like in Tomorrowland, this repetition means that we miss out on sharing the excitement of discovery alongside the film’s protagonists.

The diverse group of characters in Minecraft, such as Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison (Jason Momoa), who resembles Billy Mitchell, and the newcomer Henry (Sebastian Hansen), his sister-cum-guardian Natalie (Emma Myers), and real estate agent Dawn (Danielle Brooks), only serve to emphasize the lack of appeal in their dynamics. Obtaining a magical cube by Garrison sets off an adventure for this quartet into the Overworld, which isn’t merely a realm made up of cubes; it’s a place where anything one can think of, one can construct.

In this land, long-term inhabitant Steve, portrayed by Jack Black, is as content as a clam. Yet, trouble looms due to the malicious pig sorceress Malgosha, played by Rachel House. She intends to bring destruction to this realm, a task that Steve and the latest four visitors must prevent. However, the race against time doesn’t hinder numerous chances for the narrative to slow down, allowing Jack Black to perform spontaneous songs, such as “lava chicken”. Black’s performance in Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle marked a significant comeback for this skilled actor, who played a teenage girl in the film. This role served to underscore his talent on a grand scale in mainstream cinema.

Unfortunately, Black’s portrayal in the Minecraft movie doesn’t challenge him to step out of his comfort zone. Instead, they seem content with him playing a character that is an exaggeration of himself. Prepare for Black’s Steve to mispronounce words quirkily or end sentences with a pretend guitar riff. What was fresh and spontaneous in School of Rock feels overly calculated here. Not only that, but some of his comedic acts drag on endlessly. Jack Black’s performance in A Minecraft Movie appears disappointingly routine, reflecting the film’s complacent reliance on past successes.

In simpler terms, this script, created by Chris Bowman, Hubbel Palmer, Neil Widener, Gavin James, and Chris Galletta, uses age-old conflicts like family squabbles or Garrison’s tough exterior hiding his failures, much like in “The LEGO Movie” and “Barbie”. These movies, despite being based on toys, evoked deep emotions. However, the emotional depth in “A Minecraft Movie” feels superficial and obligatory. The writers seem to forcefully insert moments of poignancy that make one question if they were necessary at all. For instance, a college-aged woman lamenting about wanting to stay young longer after her mother’s death might not resonate with the target audience of “A Minecraft Movie”. Similarly, jokes based on outdated references to “America’s Got Talent” or gay panic humor from 1995 may not appeal to today’s younger crowd. Even a cameo by a popular YouTuber from “Five Nights at Freddy’s” might not have the same impact as it once did.

For children under 10, the references to Po the Panda’s Ember Pearls or Iron Golems might be fascinating. However, for everyone else, a Minecraft movie may seem like an overly loud blend of top-tier family entertainment. Despite the appealing use of bright lighting, the transition of heavily pixelated Minecraft characters into highly detailed CG creatures with realistic textures can be quite terrifying, making for some intense nightmare fuel. These creatures should have been made 50% uglier to balance out being as endearing as Mickey’s Creepers or Return of the Jedi’s Ewoks. In their final forms, they appear unsettlingly stuck between realism and faithful adherence to their original blocky versions. Even pandas and wolves, which are usually considered cute, didn’t manage to impress me, someone who finds alligators to be cute scaly babies.

The only aspects that make ‘A Minecraft Movie’ stand out are its over-the-top silliness. A villainous pig named Chungus, who speaks like Andy Samberg imitating Paul Rudd in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, managed to get a few laughs from me. Additionally, every scene featuring Jennifer Coolidge is amusing. However, her unnecessary subplot involving her colliding with a Minecraft Villager feels forced. Despite this, her delivery of lines still brings laughter. Unfortunately, much of ‘Minecraft’ feels unoriginal, merely imitating the format of other children’s movies or blockbusters. The ending begins with a beam of light ascending into the sky before CG characters engage in combat in a dark environment.

In the film, Chungus and Coolidge’s characters exude a sense of humor that complements Minecraft’s quirky nature. The unique aspects here are the early scenes reminiscent of Earthbound sequences from Hess’s 2000s indie productions (such as Napoleon Dynamite and Gentleman Broncos), portraying peculiar individuals in rural America. The rest of A Minecraft Movie is typical blockbuster material, heavy on computer-generated effects, but these introductory scenes seem to belong in the same world as Don Verdean and Pedro campaign shirts. There are even some tater tots, with Dawn arriving accompanied by an alpaca similar to Tina the Llama. Apart from these elements, A Minecraft Movie is what one might expect from a comedy heavily relying on visual effects in 2025. The music scores by Mark Mothersbaugh switch between mimicking themes from Amblin movie music and Hans Zimmer scores.

In a less than ideal turn of events, the movie “A Minecraft Movie” overly relies on Jason Momoa’s character for its humor and crowd-pleasing moments. Trying hard to portray a goofy, yet lovable character, Momoa’s performance as Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison feels more like having Patrick Warburton at home. His limited facial expressions and awkward line deliveries undermine potentially amusing scenes such as Garrison eating extremely spicy chicken. The humor in this role required the comedic skills of Robin Williams, Rachel Sennott, or Eddie Murphy, but Momoa’s charm falls short.

As a movie enthusiast who’s seen his fair share of films, I must confess that Jason Momoa’s performance in this movie felt quite forgettable, mirroring the run-of-the-mill, unremarkable feel of A Minecraft Movie. This kids’ flick seems to be a carbon copy of many movies we’ve seen before, with its flaws such as grating noise or eerie character designs similar to those in films like 2014’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and G-Force. The saying goes that “evil doesn’t die, it reinvents itself,” and it seems this movie regurgitates the mistakes of its predecessors.

The only instance that brought a smile to my face was the brief appearance of Malgosha accompanied by two pigs carrying thuribles, which I found amusingly absurd. However, there’s a noticeable lack of originality throughout this family film, despite everyone preaching the importance of creativity. Even the live-action portrayal of creating Overworld blocks out of thin air didn’t spark much excitement or joy.

Even if there weren’t any superior Minecraft media approved by the Criterion Collection like “Fallen Kingdom” or “Brown Bricks in Minecraft,” this movie would still fall flat for its lack of imagination. No amount of Jack Black’s scatting and exclamations of “oh yeah!” can mask that fact.

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2025-04-02 22:15