A Lahaina Fire Survivor’s Step-by-Step Guide to Recovering From Tragedy and What to Do First

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A day following the fire, we returned to our Lahaina community with emergency supplies for the neighborhood, but found our home reduced to ashes. The loss of the house and our possessions held little significance. Upon seeing where my children’s rooms once stood, I realized they would have been there when the fire swept through if we hadn’t evacuated. This realization brought tears to my eyes. However, I was grateful that my family was safe – that was all that truly mattered.

After a disaster, I found my mind to be overwhelmed like an onion with layers of stress peeling away over time. It’s what people call “fire brain,” which is similar to a thick fog in the brain that affects memory and concentration. I’d walk into rooms forgetting why I was there or lose track of what I was saying during conversations. My thoughts were fragmented, and I couldn’t finish them. Even while shopping at the grocery store, I could feel fine one moment, only to break down unexpectedly.

After the devastating fire, I found myself struggling to recall everything we had lost. Making lists felt pointless as my thoughts scattered like leaves in a storm. I ventured to Target, hoping to find supplies, but the overwhelming sensory input left me disoriented and confused. I couldn’t seem to focus, constantly searching for items that had been reduced to ashes.

Months later, it suddenly struck me – all my cherished Christmas ornaments were gone forever. The realization sent a wave of grief crashing over me, leaving me weakened. Other times, the slightest gust of wind would trigger a panic attack, my heart pounding like sirens and my senses on high alert for flashing lights. It was as if I had been transported back to that fateful day, reliving the chaos all over again.

Now I understand this is what they call Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder – a constant battle between past and present, a haunting echo of a nightmare that refuses to fade away.

Initially, I felt an overwhelming urge to depart from Lahaina. However, in the end, I chose to remain, and I’m thankful for that decision. Primarily, it was my children who motivated me to stay. I couldn’t fathom moving them somewhere where their experiences would be misunderstood, where compassion wouldn’t run deep. My kids were struggling – they needed a lot of support. They required educators who had gone through similar situations, who understood their ordeals, so that my children would feel less isolated. Remaining in Lahaina turned out to be the most beneficial choice for our family, and for me personally.

The following advice and observations come from our experiences during challenging times, and I’m sharing them with the hope that they may provide assistance to those in Los Angeles who are currently struggling the most.

In this version, I tried to maintain the original meaning while making the language more conversational and natural-sounding. Additionally, I aimed to make it clearer that the advice is based on the speaker’s personal experiences.

• Learn to ask for assistance. This task proved quite challenging. I’ve always been self-reliant in the past. However, I started learning to say “yes” when people asked questions such as, “Do you need something to eat? Do you need a place to stay for the night? Do you need some new clothes?” Yes, yes, yes. It turns out that many people are eager to help, and I’ve learned how to accept their kindness.

• We initially didn’t register immediately for aid from FEMA or the Red Cross due to our involvement in disaster relief efforts. In hindsight, we should have done it sooner. However, when we had a moment to breathe, we went to an emergency center and signed up in person. I strongly advise you not to delay your registration. Instead, consider signing up with Samaritan’s Purse, a highly-regarded humanitarian organization. They were incredibly kind, considerate, and supportive when they arrived at our property to assist us. Their help was more than words can express. These incredible people travel the world to lend a helping hand.

As quickly as you can, secure a long-term lease to minimize future moves. The children have had a tough time adjusting with all our relocations. This move might even fall under “loss of use” if your insurance covers it.

As a gamer, I’d advise you to snag a P.O. Box right away. Then, it’s time to log into every one of your accounts and redirect all the mail coming in, while also canceling any bills or utilities that were linked to your old residence. Sadly, our mail went missing once and it led us to fall behind on our bills, car insurance, and more. Having a single hub for mail and bills can help prevent such issues from happening again.

• Dealing with insurance can be quite troublesome. As soon as possible, make that call and keep all records of your communication, be it letters or emails. Even if you converse over the phone, send an email to summarize the discussion. Jot down every detail, no matter how insignificant it may seem. Our comprehensive list of personal property took some time, but we eventually managed to compile a lengthy one with our insurance agent that included everything a person could own, from a kitchen spatula to larger items. This proved helpful for us. It’s all crucial information.

It’s recommended not to visit your property without wearing appropriate safety gear such as masks, gloves, and covered shoes or a full suit. Unfortunately, during our first visit, we didn’t have this precaution due to shock, and we regret it deeply. We were fortunate that we didn’t bring our children to the site, but the smoke we inhaled at the scene caused us respiratory issues for six months.

• Friends: PTSD can cause many unusual behaviors in individuals
I sought a great deal of advice from emergency disaster counselors to comprehend the changes in my surroundings. Some friends were heroes, while others were not. That was challenging. The counselors explained that following disasters, some people channel their anger internally and become self-centered, whereas others focus on helping others. The latter flourish and endure. Those who turned inward eventually collapse and act in ways that are unimaginable. I’ve witnessed it personally.

• Discover “Our Best Supporting Friends”

We found our closest companions. Everyone has a unique kind of hardship. We had friends who lost everything, friends with survivor’s guilt, friends who didn’t lose their homes but lost businesses, and friends who lost homes but were away during the fire. We stayed close to people who experienced similar situations as ours – an emergency evacuation due to the fire and total home loss – because we could empathize without having to speak. Our closest friends have served and continue to be our pillars of strength. We actively engaged with our community. We cried together, shared resources, discussed insurance and legal matters. Our community was instrumental in helping us cope. Even when the news moves on and people start to forget what happened, our closest friends will not because we are all still working towards rebuilding our lives.

• Life goes on despite the hardships: I took a work call a day after the fire, even though I was in disarray. Managing through it wasn’t easy. People showed empathy, but some were unsure about what to say or how to react. I consider myself fortunate because I run my own business and can work from home. Unfortunately, many of my friends had no such option.

• People often make thoughtless comments. Disregard them. For instance, some might say, “FEMA’s here, you should be fine now,” but that’s not the case. Or they might say, “This must be exciting, getting to buy all new things!” Frankly, it’s a bit confusing. Later on, I heard, “Your house must be rebuilt by now.” Well, not quite. Be mindful of your words and their impact.

• Prioritize family matters: The fire had a profound impact on my children. My 4-year-old daughter, who remembers everything, still brings up the topic often. She recalls every toy she lost in the blaze. She questions why such a disaster occurred and attributes it to God. I explained that God may not be able to prevent unfortunate events, but He can aid us in healing from them. For half a year, she thought sunsets were fires, and she would call Minnie Mouse on her toy phone to discuss the fate of her burned dolls. A child psychologist informed me this was her method of coping. Even eighteen months later, we still discuss it. My 8-year-old son suppressed his feelings or they would manifest as sudden outbursts of tears. He found it difficult to communicate with my husband and me but could express himself to his friends, particularly those who suffered similar losses. A psychologist recommended I try to restore one item he cherished the most, and for him, that was his skateboarding competition medals. After six months of searching, I managed to find them. Upon opening the box, he broke into tears, overwhelmed with joy.

• Treat yourself and others with compassion. Life can be harsh, and PTSD is an inevitable part of it for many who have experienced traumatic events. Just as a family rebuilt after a catastrophic fire remains a fire family, I too bear the scars of my past. I navigate life minute by minute, hour by hour, or day by day. I’ve come to understand that the unthinkable can occur, something I had never contemplated before. It’s an understanding that cannot be undone. I always keep a survival kit at hand and have contingency plans in place to ensure my family’s safety. The only time I saw my husband cry was when a stranger offered him his shoes so we could enter the disaster zone. Moments like these are what sustain us.

• Lahaina’s got you, Los Angeles. We understand.

Tamara Conniff currently holds the position as CEO at AMR Songs, a company specializing in acquiring rights. Previously, she served as editor-in-chief at Billboard and music editor at The Hollywood Reporter. She also held a prominent role at Roc Nation. One of the founders of Mana Mentors, Tamara has shared her personal account of surviving the Lahaina fire in an essay published by THR, which can be accessed via this link.

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2025-01-13 23:55