32 Hilarious David Letterman Top10 Lists You Won’t Believe Are Real

David Letterman‘s Top 10 lists on either Late Night or The Late Show are considered among the greatest talk show segments ever aired within the medium of television. Over the span of many years, this iconic TV personality tackled subjects that ranged from “nearly rhyming words with peas” to internet tales about Tom Cruise, all the way to things celebrities wished they could tell him before his retirement in 2015.

Instead of overwhelming you with all the numerous lists Dave has compiled over the years, we’ve decided to make this brief yet delightful by featuring just 32 absurd items from one of David Letterman’s Top 10 lists. Rest assured, it’s a vibrant and sidesplittingly funny collection!

Top 10 Words That Almost Rhyme With Peas

David Letterman initially introduced lists on “Late Night” as early as September 1985 with the presentation of “10 Words That Almost Rhyme with Peas.” Unbeknownst to everyone, this list featuring words such as heats, rice, ice, nurse, and meats marked the beginning of a lasting tradition that became a prominent feature in his shows for the next two decades.

Top 10 Ways The New Show Will Be Better

In August 1993, when David Letterman took over as host of The Late Show on CBS, the Top 10 list moved there with him. This was shortly after his departure from NBC and his notorious feud with Jay Leno. In this amusing clip, he joked about various topics. The quip “A whole new wardrobe for Vanna!” was the most popular, but the new “Rappin’ Dave” character and the G.E. jokes were equally funny.

The Beach Boys Sing David Letterman’s Numbers From His First Year On The Late Show

Despite its resemblance to a compilation episode from the early days of The Late Show, David Letterman managed to give it a unique twist by interspersing Beach Boys songs between his jokes. The humor, memorability, and sheer randomness made this entertaining retrospective of Dave’s first year post-NBC an unforgettable collection of delightful moments.

Top 10 Craziest Things People Say About Tom Cruise On The Internet

A multitude of tales regarding Tom Cruise can be found online, with some having a grain of truth while others are largely exaggerated. In December 2008, the actor known for “Mission: Impossible” and “Top Gun” joined in on the amusement by collaborating with David Letterman on a list titled “The Top 10 things people say about Tom Cruise on the internet.” During this segment, Cruise didn’t shy away from humorously addressing topics ranging from his perspectives on mental health to the infamous couch incident and even his self-perception. Absolutely nothing was considered off-limits.

Top 10 California Names

In the year 1996, the talk show The Late Show with David Letterman embarked on a journey outside the studio, making a pitstop in San Francisco. On this remarkable broadcast, Dave Letterman presented an amusing list of Top 10 Californian names that left quite an impression. Some of these names were absolutely outlandish and hard to fathom. Yet, each individual submitted their driver’s license photo along with their name.

Top 10 Messages On Alex Rodriguez’s Answering Machine

Following the steroid scandal involving Alex Rodriguez, he became a target for numerous jokes that lasted not just weeks, but potentially even months. David Letterman jumped on the bandwagon with his comedic skit titled “Voicemails Left on Alex Rodriguez’s Answering Machine,” which featured humorous references to celebrities like Madonna, Michael Phelps, Mark McGwire, and others who had faced public scrutiny in the court of opinion.

Top 10 Hockey Player Pick-Up Lines

On The Late Show with David Letterman, they presented a series of amusing Top 10 lists featuring pick-up lines, and the funniest undoubtedly came from the gang of hockey enthusiasts seeking dates. Their witty remarks included “My Zamboni or yours,” jests about pucks, and clever twists on famous hockey player names, all of which were entertaining enough to land them a spot in the penalty box for laughter!

Words That Sound Creepy When Said By John Malkovich

I found John Malkovich’s acting style in films like “Con Air” and “In the Line of Fire” somewhat unsettling, which made the Top 10 list all the more enjoyable. On “The Late Show with David Letterman,” this classically-trained actor managed to make CBS a bit uncomfortable, adding an unexpected charm to his appearance.

Casey Kasem’s Top 10 Numbers

Prior to his death in 2014, Casey Kasem graced an episode of The Late Show with David Letterman, where he revealed his preferred numbers. This amusing, outlandish, and utterly absurd segment was a significant part of what made the CBS program so entertaining. To your surprise, if you believed that one number was his favorite, you would be gravely mistaken.

Top 10 Things Celebrities Have Always Wanted To Say To Dave

In 2015, The Late Show with David Letterman had a fantastic finale, and the high point was the “Top 10” segment during the series end. This list was titled “Top 10 things celebrities have always wanted to say to Dave” and featured popular stars like Chris Rock, Bill Murray, Steve Martin, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, among others, taking one final jab at their old pal.

Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Lifeguard

In the initial phases of “The Late Show with David Letterman,” Dave frequently featured outrageous Top 10 skits, such as one where a lifeguard would share remarks that nobody would appreciate hearing from him. These segments ranged from shouting “Shark!” to admitting, “If the water’s warmer here, it’s my fault.

Top 10 Things Never Sung By A Gospel Choir

A skillful gospel choir truly enhances any performance, as demonstrated by David Letterman on The Late Show. As this gifted group of vocalists stepped onto the stage, they transformed seemingly ordinary phrases such as “Oh my God, they killed Kenny,” “Dave’s Insane,” and “Lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat” into heavenly hymns.

Top 10 Things That Make Bob Barker Angry

In 2023, at age 99, the late Bob Barker graced “The Late Show with David Letterman” with an unforgettable visit. This was a list of Top 10 moments inspired by his game show, “The Price is Right.” Some examples were “Contestants who mistake the toaster’s price as $50,000,” “Claims that game shows are rigged,” and “Claims that I myself am biased.

Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From A Gas Station Attendant

One unforgettable Top 10 highlight occurred early in the run of The Late Show with David Letterman, when I, as a viewer, found myself chuckling at his hilarious skit titled “Things you don’t want to hear from a gas station attendant.” These wacky lines, such as “Regular, premium, or ranch flavor,” and “This is my car! You stole my car!” still make me laugh today.

Alex Trebek’s Top 10 Rejected Jeopardy Categories

2020 saw the departure of a remarkable individual when Alex Trebek, aged 80, sadly passed away. Before his passing, the popular host of Jeopardy shared some amusing categories that didn’t make it onto the iconic quiz show. Categories such as “Those I, Alex Trebek, have outsmarted,” “Individuals with a distinctive gap in their teeth,” and “Compelling TV shows airing concurrently with Jeopardy” were simply too entertaining to be overlooked.

Reasons Larry David Did Not Win An Emmy

Larry David, the creator of Curb Your Enthusiasm, never received an Emmy for his work on the show. However, he humorously spoke about this during his 2006 interview on The Late Show with David Letterman. True to form, David quipped, “I don’t know and, frankly, I don’t care,” and joked, “At least I didn’t lose to Barry Manilow.

Top 10 Rejected Sean Connery Movie Lines

2020 saw the passing of Sean Connery, who left behind an unparalleled cinematic legacy. One of his most humorous career moments occurred on The Late Show with David Letterman, where he entertained audiences by sharing rejected movie lines such as “I’m McDonald, Ronald McDonald,” and “Dr. No, Dr. Kevorkian. Dr. Kevorkian, Dr. No.

Top 10 Words That Sound Romantic When Spoken By Barry White

Barry White had an uncanny ability to make even the most ordinary things seem captivating, which likely led to his invitation by David Letterman to share a Top 10 list in the past. Is there anyone out there who could turn “Jazzercise” or “Oprah” into something as romantic as Barry White made them sound?

James Earl Jones’ Top 10 Things That Sound Cool

Few individuals possessed a voice as distinctive as James Earl Jones, the renowned actor who gave life to characters such as Darth Vader, Mufasa, and Terence Mann. In bygone days, David Letterman invited him on his show to read ten intriguing phrases that sounded impressive with his voice, encompassing “Pinhead,” “Heebie-jeebies,” and “Oprah.

Top 10 Good Things About Having The Same Name As A President

It’s no shocker that numerous individuals bear names similar to past U.S. presidents. Remarkably, some of them made an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman to explain why this isn’t entirely a burden. With quips such as “It’s amusing to pick up the bill for everyone and send it to the White House,” and “I’m named after the fellow I hadn’t even heard of until today,” it’s evident these men possess a good dose of humor.

Top 10 Things Every New York City Tourist Needs To Know

In 2004, David Letterman had some tourists on his show who gave hilarious tips for traveling to New York City. For instance, one tourist suggested that a taxi ride from JFK airport to Midtown typically costs around $600, while another advised that if your car gets towed, it might be cheaper to purchase a new vehicle rather than paying the fines. These tips brought on plenty of laughter in the audience.

Top 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From The Guy At Starbucks

Occasionally, it might seem as if the most disastrous event in a coffee shop is a Starbucks barista mispronouncing your name. However, an amusing Top 10 list on The Late Show demonstrated that this isn’t even close to being the worst, with remarks such as “Let me make sure that’s not too hot,” and “Some whipped cream for you… and some whipped cream for me.

Reasons I, Homer Simpson, Am Proud To Be An American

As a devoted film enthusiast might put it, I’ve got to share a tidbit from the annals of TV history: I, much like Homer Simpson, graced the stage of The Late Show with David Letterman more times than most animated characters in the limelight. In those good ol’ days, the patriarch of that iconic family made an appearance or two to discuss his unique perspective on what it means to be an American. From humble observations like “Cup warnings remind you that hot things are indeed hot,” to the more profound, yet still relatable, “Even someone as dim-witted as me can have their own show,” Homer’s words continue to resonate with us cinephiles today.

James Earl Jones’ Top 10 Effects Of Y2K

Did you recall the frenzy surrounding the Y2K bug in 1999? Well, The Late Show with David Letterman joined the fun by featuring James Earl Jones, who humorously outlined situations such as “Things will explode” and “Kraft Macaroni & Cheese will get even cheesier.

Don Rickles’ Top 10 Insults For Dave Letterman

In 2017, the renowned comedian Don Rickles passed away, leaving behind an impressive body of work that ranged from contributing to the Toy Story series to movies such as Casino. During a past appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman, he famously dished out his signature wit, saying things like “Letterman, let’s face it – you put the ‘suck’ in success,” and “Don’t look now, but something died on your head.

Things Jim Carrey Will Always Say Yes To

Jim Carrey and Larry King in a bathtub? That sounds more like a surreal scenario, doesn’t it? However, this was actually a segment on The Late Show with David Letterman. The comedian Jim Carrey was asked to list his Top 10 things he’d always say yes to, which included “Bathing with Larry King,” and “Financially rewarding endorsements: remember, you’re not truly clean unless you’re vigorously using Zest.

Reasons It Took Dale Earnhardt 20 Years To Win The Daytona 500

Back in 1998, I was overjoyed to finally claim victory in the Daytona 500, a moment that NASCAR fans had been waiting for. One of the perks of that triumph was an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman. Donning my signature leather jacket and mustache, as the racing legend I am, I shared some insight into why my win came so late. I joked, “This year, whenever I passed someone, I gave them the finger,” and added humorously, “Who cares if it took 20 years – at least my name’s not Dick Trickle.

Top 10 Things Mick Jagger Learned After 50 Years In Rock N’ Roll

Iconic rock star Mick Jagger graced The Late Show with David Letterman, dishing out some of his most valuable insights gleaned from over five decades in the rock ‘n’ roll scene. Gems such as “Earnings from song royalties are terrific, but they don’t surpass the steady income provided by a reverse mortgage,” and “You won’t always get what you desire – like a decent joke on the Top 10 list” turned the evening into an event to remember.

Rodney Dangerfield’s Top 10 Things He Likes To Do

Rodney Dangerfield was among the numerous renowned comedians who appeared on The Late Show with David Letterman throughout its run. During his appearance, he shared some of his favorite activities, such as singing the ‘Star Spangled Banner’ at street brawls and joking with people who handle fertilizer by saying “Have a nice day!

Eminem’s Top 10 Pieces Of Advice For Kids

It’s unlikely that Eminem would be the first choice as a mentor for your children, but his appearance on The Late Show was still delightful. Who wouldn’t appreciate advice like “If I sign something for you, and I see it on eBay, when you go home, I’m going to be under your bed,” or “Don’t waste your time watching this show”?

Top 10 Signs You’re A Lame Superhero

As a devoted movie reviewer, I’d say I once took aim at some of the not-so-mainstream superheroes during my stint on The Late Show, offering a humorous take with quips like “Your signature catchphrase is ‘Please don’t hurt me,'” hinting at their less formidable nature. Or, jokingly pointing out “Can only fight crime until 10 p.m., then mom wants you home,” alluding to their rather domestic double lives.

Top 10 Things Never Before Said By A Star Wars Character

One evening, David Letterman introduced various Star Wars characters who made unsaid remarks. Some humorous examples were “At one point, I utilized the Force to open a jar of Vlasic kosher pickles,” and “Besides Emperor Palpatine and Oprah, only a few possess more power than me.

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2025-03-21 22:39