Help! My Fake “Showmance” Is Turning Into the Real Thing!
Dear Remy,
Over the past half year, I’ve been maintaining a fake romance with a famous pop singer. As an aspiring actor making my way in the industry, I now find myself surrounded by a group of managers and advisors.
As you might expect: Public relations representatives, personal cooks, and skincare specialists are all on the team. (Initially, when I heard the term “aesthetician,” I assumed it meant a healthcare professional who delivers babies. However, aestheticians focus on skin care rather than obstetrics.)
Have you ever encountered PR individuals? They can be quite intimidating, speaking at a pace that seems almost supernatural. My team and I brainstormed an idea to boost our public image, which was concocting a fictional romance between me and another rising star, a popular singer. This led to orchestrated paparazzi shots during her concerts, staged boarding scenes at Austin-Bergstrom airport, and overly sweet photos of us sipping from the same cup on 5th Avenue (two straws in one cup… quite awkward!).
The problem? I’m actually head over heels for her. For real.
In my mind, I envision usaving her hair into intricate braids, purchasing cozy blankets for both of us, and embarking on a romantic pedal boat adventure together. I also imagine constructing a cabin in the woods, complete with a recording studio for her, a martial arts dojo for me, and a fishing jetty where we can cast our lines.
However, here’s the twist: I must keep this a secret. My PR team has planned out our public image, and we are set to announce our “breakup” around Thanksgiving (the Instagram post is already drafted with its specific font and color scheme). Following that, it seems I am expected to stop shaving until Halloween in order to create the illusion that I’ve lost control in the eyes of the public.
Remy, I’m at a loss here. Could you advise me? I’ve found myself smitten with someone who appears to be part of a publicity scheme. As a devoted romantic, this has left me rather confused.
Sincerely,
A Loved-Up Leading Man
Dear Loved-Up Leading Man,
Hey there! You know, I’ve dealt with PR peeps in the past, and lemme tell ya, they can be quite intimidating, particularly when they start discussing “strategies” like a planned growth of my beard. But let’s set aside the jokes for a bit.
In this new phase of popularity, you’re also dealing with some public relations dramatics. However, it’s crucial not to overlook your genuine feelings. You find yourself in a tricky situation (to put it mildly, you’re caught between a luxury jet and a Stanley Cup). Sometimes, PR can distort the boundary between what truly happens and the story told, but your raw emotions require their own room to express themselves freely.
Hey there, let’s get started! As a gamer, I know the importance of teamwork, and my PR folks might see me as just another piece on their media chessboard. But remember, behind every avatar is a real person – not some mindless Pac-Man chasing after PR points. Let’s be honest with each other about how this ‘PR romance’ is impacting us mentally and emotionally. If we keep things transparent, it could lead to a strategy that respects our feelings and career aspirations.
In conclusion, consider these points: Is there a chance for this romance beyond the spotlight? Does your celebrity love interest yearn for rustic cabins and twin blankets, or does she prefer glamour? Does she enjoy fishing, or is it all about the red carpet? These aspects are important if you’re aiming for a genuine relationship, not just a social media-friendly one.
Hey there! I’m totally invested in your journey. Here’s hoping you discover a genuine connection, one that transcends the superficiality of public relations gimmicks and social media embellishments. 🕹️💗
Remy
My Job is Murder… Literally.
Dear Remy,
Einstein’s words seem to hint at a pattern of behavior, suggesting perhaps he was referring to the repetitive nature of watching murder documentaries while hoping for unique outcomes or insights.
As a gamer, I’ve always been captivated by the thrill of adventure and the joy of immersing myself in diverse narratives. My academic journey, spent majoring in Anthropology at Yale University with a minor in Primate Evolution, equipped me with the knowledge that allowed me to craft my own tales, taking me on incredible journeys across the globe.
For the past five years, it’s been a daily grind of murder documentaries. Each day brings more of the same: capturing drone shots over marshy landscapes where a Jane Doe’s shoe was found, speaking with coroners who share a chilling demeanor, and being inundated with cello-heavy soundtracks that have taken over my Spotify recommendations. I even keep the phone numbers of every pathologist from Seattle to Orlando in my contacts list.
Honestly, I find the global fascination with crime and murder quite unsettling. It feels like there’s an insatiable curiosity about violence, and I often find myself unwillingly feeding this appetite as a fan.
Initially, I had hope when an old executive contacted me about a potential opportunity for something fresh. However, it turned out to be nothing more than a murder podcast.
Remy – Can you offer some advice? Should I continue along this painful, bloodied road, or should I step back before I lose my grip on reason altogether? Instead, I yearn to create a documentary about regenerative farming in the Lower Mekong region. Yet, it feels like an impossible dream…
Sincerely,
Stuck in a Dead-End Job
Dear Stuck in a Dead-End Job,
I understand your struggle. It seems as though everything around you is marked off with caution tape due to crime, and I can imagine how appealing it would be to focus on something more uplifting instead—like creating a touching tale about alpacas perhaps?
But let’s not be too hasty. Murder documentaries are their own form of anthropology. They explore human behavior, social reactions, and even cultural taboos. The fascination with death is nothing new; humanity’s been obsessed with it since, well, forever. So, don’t be too hard on yourself for being a part of this genre—after all, it’s not like we’re still putting heads on spikes, right?
It’s possible that the issue isn’t the topic itself, but rather its overly predictable nature. There’s a richness to these stories beyond just crime scenes. Consider the lives of those who are affected long after the event has passed. How do communities recover and move forward? Are there compelling, unexplored tales hidden within these events that could rekindle your enthusiasm?
Why not take the murder podcast offer but use it as a stepping stone to branch out? Simultaneously, start working on that Lower Mekong project. You never know—you might find a way to merge your two worlds. After all, who says the Mekong doesn’t have its own dark secrets?
Hang in there, and don’t declare time of death on your career just yet.
Remy
Am I Too Beautiful For My Own Good?
Dear Remy,
It pains me to be writing this, as I consider myself far above such things. But I have no choice.
As a gamer, let me humbly say that I’m widely recognized as one of the top players worldwide. They call me a “gaming sweetheart,” a “console queen,” and sometimes even a “digital treasure.
Of course, when a prominent production company proposed creating a movie about my life, I eagerly accepted. Refusing to share my tale with the world would have been unfair.
However, the dread set in when it came to the casting process. The actresses they were proposing to portray me frankly felt insulting. They were skinny and quirky types, more fitting for selling cleaning products on cable TV rather than leading a blockbuster movie.
Remy, am I expected to believe that a beauty like mine cannot be imitated? Is it necessary for me to abandon the project and let go of my current representative (making it my third change this year)?
Sincerely,
A Displeased Doyenne
Dear Displeased Doyenne
Hollywood casting is like dating. Sometimes, the perfect match isn’t obvious at first glance.
Casting directors seek beyond mere physical attractiveness (although it’s evident that’s a primary focus). They evaluate the subtle traits that make individuals like you radiate stardom. It’s not simply about discovering someone with flawless cheekbones or a smile suited for the camera—it’s about capturing your spirit. Reflect on this: your distinctive speech rhythms, your one-of-a-kind walk, the way you give a glance that could be lethal when someone serves you the wrong coffee. That’s what they aim to cast in their productions.
To put it simply, times have changed and the standards of beauty in Hollywood are no longer just about polished perfection. The actress you once deemed quirky might actually resonate deeply with who you are inside, despite not being an exact physical match for you.
Regarding your current agent, perhaps consider showing some patience with the hiring process. Having gone through three agents in a year could raise concerns, even in this industry. Try to maintain an open perspective, have faith in the selection process (though I understand it can sound overused), and remember that a biopic isn’t just about personal vanity—it’s about establishing a lasting legacy.
Remy
***
Remy Blumenfeld, an experienced television producer and the creator of Vitality Guru, provides professional guidance for career advancement and business success to top-tier media professionals. To get in touch with them, you can send your questions or requests to: guru@vitality.guru.
Questions edited by Sarah Mills.
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2024-09-21 20:28