South African Man’s Odd Choice of Charity Involves Bitcoin and Terrorism! 😱💰

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In a twist that even the most seasoned of plotters might have found a bit over-the-top, one Ziyadh Hoorzook—a resident of the delightful land of South Africa, famous for its wildlife and the occasional questionable decision—has been granted bail. Yes, folks, bail! It’s the legal equivalent of a “Get Out of Jail Free” card, but only if you’re willing to fork out an amount that sounds like the price of a slightly used car—$1,616 (or about 30,000 rands if you prefer your currencies cozy).

Hoorzook stands accused of sending about $600 in Bitcoin (which, if we’re honest, sounds like the kind of money one might find wedged between the couch cushions if you were wealthy enough) to a charming associate of the rather infamous Islamic State in Syria. Who knew that charitable endeavors could lead one down such winding paths?

The magistrate, acting as the adult in a room full of very childish arguments, seemed to find it all a bit lacking in proper evidence. Thus, the case is postponed to the distant future, or as we like to say, ‘until everyone’s probably forgotten about it,’ due on March 3rd, 2025. So grab your popcorn, folks—this is just the opening act!

In his lofty defense, our protagonist claims he was blissfully unaware that the Syrian charitable organization he chose to endow with his digital coins, the rather misleadingly named ‘Al Sadaqah’, had a connection to any sort of nefarious activities. “It must be a very charitable tariff for terror,” he quipped, “I thought I was sending money for a bake sale or something wholesome!”

However, Warrant Officer John Sithole—the kind of name that suggests a craggy resoluteness and the ability to judge poorly thought-out schemes—believes that the evidence collected from Hoorzook’s electronic devices paints a rather different picture. According to Sithole, there was an avalanche of content promoting violence and even a few nibbles from conversations featuring the late Osama bin Laden. And here we were thinking that he just had a flair for the dramatic!

The esteemed officer insisted that while Hoorzook might have believed he was merely spreading a bit of philanthropic cheer, in reality, it seems he was wearing a rather larger target on his back, as everyone and their uncle can now see that he knew exactly where his Bitcoin was heading. Apparently, some charities are less about feeding the needy and more about… well, you know.

The South African government is looking at this as a litmus test to cleanse itself from the Financial Action Task Force (FATF) grey list. It’s like trying to brush off some dust while wearing a hideously stained sweater—you might need more than a little elbow grease to look presentable again!

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2025-01-31 20:06