“WazirX’s Master Plan: Wait 5 Years or Embrace the DEX?”

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In the theater of absurdity that is the digital realm, WazirX, the Indian crypto stage, presents a tragicomedy. 🎭 Users, the tragic heroes, face a choice: support a new decentralized exchange or embark on a patience-testing Odyssey for their lost treasures. 🚀🕳️

The WazirX saga continues, not with a bang but a whimper, as its restructuring plan—aptly named ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’—draws the ire of the digital plebeians. 📜😡

“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood… and WazirX hopes you take the one less traveled by, for it involves a longer wait and perhaps a pie in the sky.” 🛤️🌈

— WazirX: India Ka Bitcoin Exchange (@WazirXIndia) February 4, 2025

WazirX, with a flair for the dramatic, hints that rejecting the DEX could lead to an odyssey of uncertainty, where timelines for refunds are as clear as the fog of war. 🌫️💸

Should the restructuring phoenix rise from the ashes, WazirX promises a Singaporean court’s blessing in April 2025—a date as solid as the air we breathe. 🇸🇬🗓️

Charts may paint restructuring as a golden path, but the treasure at its end remains as elusive as the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. 🌈💰

A WazirX herald proclaims, “Vote ‘Yes’ and within 10 business days, a mere 80-85% of your funds shall reappear, like a magician’s rabbit!” 🐇🎩

“The rest shall be repaid in tokens of hope, distributed like alms to the needy, over the next 36 moons.” 🤲🌙

— WazirX’s spokesperson

The WazirX soap opera continues, with a silent audience—comments disabled, but the crypto peanut gallery is not amused. 😒🌰 Some suggest the WazirX execs should sell their golden toilets to make amends. 🚽💩

Hacked by the Hermit Kingdom

WazirX, once a titan of the Indian crypto seas, now a shipwreck, courtesy of the Lazarus Group, North Korea’s very own digital pirates. 🏴‍☠️🇰🇵

Post-hack, WazirX proposed a “socialized loss strategy,” which users received with the warmth of a winter’s day. 🥶❄️

Now, with assets in new multi-signature wallets, WazirX plays the blame game, pointing fingers like a schoolyard scuffle. 🖕🏫

Liminal Custody, the accused, was as guilty as a lamb in a wolf’s den—innocent but surrounded by suspicion. 🐑🐺

The hack, a tale of digital trickery, involved malware so stealthy it would make a cat burglar proud. 😼🔓

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2025-02-05 14:02