Trump’s Crypto Coup: The Emperor’s New Coin

Ah, the whims of fate, like a cruel mistress, have left the Official Trump meme coin to wither away, a mere shadow of its former $75 glory, now languishing at a paltry $16.50 🤑. But, as the great Russian proverb goes, “The fish rots from the head down.” And in this case, the head is none other than President Donald Trump, who reportedly made a killing 💸.

According to the New York Times, the Trump family and their partners in crime raked in a cool $100 million in trading fees 💸. And, as the saying goes, “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.” But in this case, most of that loot remains uncashed, like a ticking time bomb waiting to unleash its fury 💥.

Who can forget the grand launch of the Trump coin, just three days before taking office? It was as if the president was saying, “Hey, folks, let’s make some cash, and make America great again… for me!” 🤑

The Make-America-Great-Again faithful lapped it up like the good little sheep they are 🐑. After all, it’s just another way for Trump to monetize the MAGA brand, like a bad joke that never gets old 😂. And let’s not forget the hats, NFTs, DeFi platform, sneakers, and bibles – all part of the Trump empire’s grand scheme to separate you from your hard-earned cash 🤑.

But, as the great philosopher, Dolly Parton, once said, “Working 9 to 5, what a way to make a living.” And for many investors, it’s been a wild ride, with the total market cap of meme coins hovering around $100 billion 🤯. It’s like a game of musical chairs, where the insiders drive up prices before bailing, leaving the latecomers with nothing but a handful of worthless coins 🎶.

Famous folks like Hawk Tuah Girl and Andrew Tate, who attached themselves to these coin launches, are often scrutinized for this type of shenanigan 🤔. But the Trump family is no different. And with Trump’s endorsement of the “Official Trump” token, it was like a red flag to a bull, attracting a lot of first-time crypto buyers like bees to honey 🐝.

Trump’s critics cried foul, calling it a conflict of interest 🤦‍♂️. But the real victims are Trump’s own supporters, who are now feeling the pain 😩.

Take poor Shawn M. Whitson, a small business owner from North Carolina, who was stoked on Inauguration Day 🎉. But fast-forward a few weeks, and reality set in 😔. “Done with this $TRUMP crap,” he declared, calling it “a joke” 🤣.

Done with this $Trump crap.
Sold it all, what a joke!
— Shawn Whitson (@ShawnWhitson) January 31, 2025

Some of the most prominent voices in the crypto community, like SkyBridge founder Anthony Scaramucci and Stephen Findeisen (aka Coffeezilla), called Trump out for what they perceived to be a classic pump-and-dump grift 🤑. But, as the saying goes, “The proof is in the pudding.” And in this case, there’s no hard evidence that Trump or his associates manipulated the price of Official Trump 🤷‍♂️.

However, the Times shared data from Nansen, as well as Chainalysis and researcher Molly White, who pointed to at least one account that purchased $1,096,109 million in $TRUMP three hours before Trump launched the coin 🕰️. The anonymous account jettisoned the coins, making a $50 million profit, said Nansen analyst Aurelie Barthere 🤑.

Later sales increased their profits to $109 million, White told the Times 🤑. And another trader who began buying $TRUMP just two minutes after it was launched, netted $2.7 million 🤑.

For those keeping score: 700,000 wallets raked in gains on the Trump token 📈. The real winners? 31 early traders who collected $669 million in profits in just days 🤑.

But where there are winners, there are… well, 813,294 not-so-lucky wallets 😔. In the first 19 days of trading, these folks either cashed out at a loss or held onto their coins as they nosedived 📉. Collectively, they’re sitting on a $2 billion punch to the gut, considering how far the coin plummeted in value 🤯.

The Trump family isn’t letting the meme coin backlash derail other business ventures it has in the works 🤑. They recently unveiled TruthFi, an investment platform that aims to be “a competitive alternative to woke funds” 🤣.

2025-02-09 23:28

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