Oh. My. God. You guys! Jack Dorsey (aka the guy who made Twitter before it became X-rated 😉) just went full “mean girls” on Bitcoin. Like, he basically said Bitcoin needs to stop trying to make “digital gold” happen. It’s NOT going to happen! 👋
Listen up, crypto nerds! Your precious Bitcoin is apparently acting like that rich kid who never has to work because of their trust fund. Not a good look! 💅
Jack’s Reality Check Time
On some podcast that probably has dozens of listeners (I’m being generous here), Jack dropped this truth bomb faster than my attempts at Whole30:
“Y’all need to make Bitcoin actually useful for buying stuff, like maybe a $15 muffin at Starbucks that should cost $3. Otherwise, it’s just sitting there like my exercise equipment – completely unused except in emergencies!” 🏋️♀️
And honey, he wasn’t done serving tea! ☕
“If Bitcoin doesn’t get its act together and start working like real money, it’s basically going to end up like my first improv show – a complete failure.” 🎭
Back To Basics, Like My Failed Diet Plans
Apparently, Bitcoin has wandered further from its original purpose than I have from my New Year’s resolutions. Jack’s all like, “Remember that Satoshi person’s whitepaper? Yeah, maybe we should actually READ it?” 📚
Meanwhile, Wall Street bros are still throwing money at Bitcoin like it’s the last helicopter parent at a private school auction. 🚁
Rich People Still Be Rich-ing
While Jack’s having his moment, 76 new Bitcoin whales just joined the party (and they’re probably wearing better outfits than us). That’s like a 4.5% increase in people who can actually afford to live in Manhattan! 🏢
The market’s currently having more mood swings than me during a cheese cleanse, with Bitcoin dropping below $80K. But hey, at least it’s still worth more than my student loans! 📉
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2025-04-08 01:43