Bitcoin to the Moon? 🚀💸

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Bitcoin, that vulgar upstart, has apparently experienced a “demand reversal,” whatever that entails. One assumes it involves fewer chaps throwing their digital pocket money into the abyss. Investors, bless their optimistic little hearts, are reportedly accumulating. One shudders to think what they’ll do with it all. 🧐

The wretched cryptocurrency, currently hovering near $86,000, a sum that would make even Croesus blush, and boasting a market dominance north of 60%, has analysts in a tizzy. Is this the dawn of another vulgar rally? Or merely a temporary reprieve before the inevitable crash? One can only hope it’s the latter; the world has quite enough nouveau riche as it is. 🙄

A Breakout, or Just Another Blip?

After weeks of tiresome, see-sawing price action, Bitcoin has, according to CryptoQuant, reversed its “apparent demand.” This metric, a truly ghastly invention, tracks the net difference between exchange inflows and outflows. For months, it has been thoroughly negative, a state of affairs one found rather agreeable. But alas, it has now turned positive, prompting some YouTube charlatan named Crypto Rover to declare it “bullish.” Heaven forfend. 🤦‍♂️

This shift, apparently, is quite significant, given the current macroeconomic climate. Inflationary concerns and the temporary cessation of trade tensions (except, naturally, for China) are supposedly driving institutions back into BTC. One suspects they’ll regret it. 😈

Adding fuel to this already roaring bonfire of speculative excess is Bitcoin’s technical behavior. Doctor Profit, a name that inspires little confidence, noted that BTC is once again challenging the psychologically significant resistance at $98,000. “Big bull party once we breakout,” he declared on X, a platform one considers to be a blight on civilisation. A decisive move above this level, apparently, could open the door for another parabolic push upward. One would rather open the door to a dentist. 😫

Meanwhile, one Miles Deutscher, a name that suggests a rather unfortunate heritage, highlighted the asset’s breakout from a descending triangle. This, apparently, is the first of its kind this year and usually precedes a strong vertical reversal. One wishes it would reverse all the way back to zero. 🙏

Market Outlook (or, How to Lose Your Shirt)

Trading at around $85,800, BTC is up 8.7% in the last seven days and a more modest 1.5% over the past 24 hours. One hopes these figures are entirely fictitious. 🤔

Its trajectory has been volatile but resilient, especially considering that after dropping under $75,000 at the height of trade tensions last week, it rebounded on the back of improved U.S. CPI data and easing geopolitical concerns to touch $86,000. One finds this rebound deeply unsettling. 😠

The momentum has slowed down slightly, with BTC still 21% off its all-time high. Nonetheless, on-chain data from pseudonymous analyst Titan of Crypto points to a bullish RSI divergence that has now played out, with the king cryptocurrency closing in on a critical price target of $87,000. According to the trader, a daily close above $85,700 will increase the likelihood of continued upward movement. One remains deeply skeptical. 😒

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2025-04-15 16:36