You Won’t Believe How $100,000 Vanished From Banks Without a Magic Spell!

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In the quaint little realm of Prince George’s County, Maryland, a cunning band of modern-day pickpockets have taken a fancy to something a tad more… virtual. That’s right, $100,000 has pirouetted out of Wells Fargo, Bank of America, PNC, and assorted other treasure hoards, all thanks to a scam that’s apparently more slippery than a greased-up goblin on market day.

The local constabulary, those brave souls charged with keeping your coins safe, report that these scoundrels are impersonating your friendly neighborhood bankers—but with all the charm of a troll trying to sell you vibrating socks. They send mystical text messages about “suspicious activity” that flat out scream, “Reply or call this number!” Spoiler alert: that number leads straight into the lair of the scammers.

Once a poor citizen picks up the bait, they’re led on a merry chase told to withdraw their treasure and stuff it into ATMs or gift cards—as if these are some sort of wizard’s protective wards. (Hint: They’re not.)

Our vigilant police urge everyone to channel their inner Discworld dwarf and double-check bank numbers on their card, visit the bank in person, and hang up faster than a goblin on laundry day if anyone demands you fling your gold about.

The FTC chimes in from their ivory tower, chiming bells about a surge in scams that drained a staggering $470 million from wealthier-than-average rubes last year. Highlights include the usual “fake package deliveries” (surprise inside!), “job offers” that sound about as trustworthy as a donkey promising to fly, and the classic “wrong number” gambit that’s older than the hills.

Apparently, while the number of reports overall is dropping (because people stopped telling or maybe stopped noticing), the actual losses have ballooned five times over since 2020—because who said scammers don’t have ambition?

If you receive a suspicious text that smells worse than a troll’s armpit, the FTC asks you to forward it to 7726. Yes, that’s a number, not the secret code to open the vault—though if it were, you’d hope they’d share it.

Generated Image: Midjourney

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2025-04-19 20:04