Zimbabwe Brings Back Gold Coins—Digital Tokens Flee in Panic!

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Somewhere in Harare, under dusty ceiling fans, history repeats itself noisily. Like a stubborn cat forever returning to the same forbidden armchair, Zimbabwe is resurrecting those glimmering “Mosi-Oa-Tunya” gold coins, waving them at an anxious public as if they were the One True Solution—ten months after quietly hiding the evidence that the last coin experiment hadn’t exactly turned portfolios into palaces. 🪙✨

The Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe, never one for consistency but always with a nose for shiny objects, has decided that gold you can jingle in your pocket is more trustworthy than gold made of 1s and 0s. Why this sudden affection? A “time of attractiveness” for gold (isn’t it always though?). Officials assure us that once again, this time, truly, absolutely, the coins will prevail where digital tokens stuttered like a poorly tuned radio. Even Bloomberg can barely keep a straight face reporting it.

The Mosi-Oa-Tunya coins—named for Victoria Falls, because all good currencies require a dramatic backstory—were previously put to bed in July 2024, after Governor Mushayavanhu flirted with digital schemes that turned out to be about as popular as Monday mornings.

But now? The winds have changed, tastes refreshed. Why not dust off the old gold presses? Persistence Gwanyanya, a monetary committee sage, informed Bloomberg that the world price of gold is currently more seductive than ever. Who could resist?

“Gold is more attractive to the market at the moment and it supports our value preservation efforts. We are taking advantage of firm gold prices and re-injecting the gold coins into the market.”

— Persistence Gwanyanya

135 hopeful souls applied, chasing 14 billion Zimbabwe dollars ($12 million, with some rounding and heavy prayer). Then, as with all great Zimbabwean innovations, things gently descended into a polite snore. By June, just 35 new applications trickled in. Digital currency found itself lonelier than a banknote in a bread queue. 💸

The dollar meanwhile continues to slide—gliding with the grace of a greased toboggan—losing 65% of its value just this year (and rather more if you ask anyone outside the central bank’s official marble hallways). The street rate, as always, is generously creative.

two pretty successful auctions and about a ton of physical gold placed on the altar of monetary stability. Sadly, compared to global magic tricks (Tether bought nearly eight tons for their equivalent coin), Zimbabwe’s vaults look a bit anaemic.

Biggest export

So here we are, sniffing the familiar yet heady aroma of…returning to basics. The price of gold has soared 25% this year thanks to global mayhem and trade spats—music to a gold exporter’s ears. Zimbabwe’s Q1 gold shipments? Nearly $396 million, up from last year’s $303.1 million, possibly enough to fund a week’s worth of government optimism.

No one—not even the press-trained officials—believes this will magically fix anything. Zimbabwe has more monetary schemes than a magician has rabbits, and not all of them come out of the hat alive. The local dollar, after its own long and wobbly journey from hyperinflation to ignoble oblivion and back, now finds itself upstaged by the glint of coins quite literally yanked from the past.

And so, while Nigeria fiddles with the eNaira and the rest of the world twitches at the mere mention of “CBDC,” Zimbabwe dials back the clock, wagering that gold in the pocket beats hype in the cloud. As for comment from the Reserve Bank? Unless you’ve got a carrier pigeon, don’t hold your breath. 🕊️

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2025-04-29 19:07