Is Bitcoin About to Become the Crypto Version of a Vanilla Mutual Fund?

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  • Robert Mitchnik, crypto top dog at BlackRock, claims Bitcoin might morph into a “low-beta play.” Not to be confused with “low-fat latte” but might pair nicely with one. ☕
  • This, apparently, because Bitcoin stopped obsessively copying the U.S. stock market for five whole minutes.
  • Jan van Eck (of, you guessed it, VanEck) says, “If Bitcoin gets less clingy with equities, traders will actually want to date it.” Or something like that.

Once upon a trade war, as America and China arm-wrestled, Bitcoin (our sparkly, unpredictable protagonist) just sipped its drink and side-eyed the S&P 500. As everyone dived for the lifeboats shouting “Recession incoming!” BTC sat there—cool, calm, and, dare we say, borderline responsible?

Crypto superfans took this as EXHIBIT A: “Look, mum, it’s a safe haven! Quick, pack the capital inflows!” Thus the legend of Bitcoin-the-safe-haven grew a biceps—matching the armchair analysts’ enthusiasm and the size of BlackRock’s new ETF inflows (a casual $3 billion, give or take a few afternoon cappuccinos).

Robert Mitchnik (BlackRock) threw his two satoshis in: all this talk about Bitcoin being “low-beta” might, by sheer force of collective nattering, actually turn into reality. Reality, according to Mitchnik, is apparently a group project where everyone just agrees hard enough. “It makes no fundamental sense, and yet… yeah, here we are,” he sighed, presumably over a cold can of La Croix at Token2049 in Dubai.

Meanwhile, U.S. stocks, who had a little drama with trade tariffs, went full drama queen and dropped faster than Bitcoin at a hardware convention. BTC, incredibly, acted like it read a mindfulness app and didn’t panic at all. On some days, Bitcoin was *less* moody than the S&P 500, which had all the stability of a telenovela love triangle.

Result: Bitcoin was courted like it was the last single person at a wedding, with investors dumping fresh billions into U.S.-listed spot ETFs (BlackRock’s IBIT, naturally, getting a lion’s share).

Mitchnik claims Bitcoin is passing from chaotic partygoers into the hands of more boring, sober types—the kind who say things like “fundamentals” at brunch. Apparently, this handover is “definitely happening,” which one presumes is analyst-speak for “not just vibes.”

Jan van Eck, on the same panel, longed for the good old days, back before COVID crashed the party and before ETFs made Bitcoin rub elbows with the establishment. Back then, Bitcoin was still mysterious, uncorrelated—a true wildcard. The ETF boom, though, dragged it (partly kicking and screaming) into tight correlation with suit-and-tie markets. Which, naturally, ruined the fun (and the diversification).

Van Eck’s wish: Can Bitcoin go back to its rebel phase? Eh. If it does, he says, more traders might warm to the idea of holding BTC. Perhaps even for longer than a Netflix trial period.

Breaking News, Darling (April 30, 09:19 UTC): The word “Reflexively” has been majestically, and perhaps reflexively, appended to the headline. Don’t all rush at once.

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2025-04-30 12:27