You Won’t Believe What Warren Buffett Said About the Dollar—Bitcoin Fans React 😂

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On a damp, Wednesday morning that could just as easily have been a Tuesday (or perhaps a century ago), Bitwise Invest’s President, Teddy Fusaro—a man with the hopeful gaze of a weathered optimist—suggested investors should “get some Bitcoin.” He did this immediately after Warren Buffett, America’s beloved accumulator of fine suits and even finer fortunes, declared his suspicions about the future of the US dollar at a shareholder gathering attended only by those with either too much time or too little taste for gardens. 🕰️

“It’s unlikely, but there could be things that happen in the United States that would make us want to own a lot of other currencies,” said Buffett, in the manner of a man who has tried every flavor of ice cream and decided most of them were a waste of perfectly good milk.

The young and the restless may call him “The Oracle of Omaha,” but lately it seems he’s more prophet of doom than prophet of dimes. In a twist few saw coming but Chekhov would have found too convenient for Act One, Buffett railed against protectionism, suggesting trade should not be weaponized—presumably unless the weapon was a well-aged checkbook. 💼

Buffett, currently ranking as the planet’s fifth-richest person (take a number, Bezos), dropped the news he’d be stepping down as CEO of Berkshire Hathaway by year’s end. It’s a move some might call surprising, others inevitable, but all agree it will send shockwaves through boardrooms and bridge clubs alike.

He ascended to CEO of Berkshire Hathaway when it was still a humble textile manufacturer—a fact only slightly less threadbare than the old carpets in the company’s Boston factory. Under his reign, the firm was stitched into a mighty patchwork of wealth, now holding vast stocks in Apple, Coca-Cola, and American Express. If Chekhovian irony exists in capitalism, it’s in betting so many billions on fizzy drinks and plastic cards. 🍏🥤💳

Berkshire Hathaway, a company best known for sitting on more cash than the average mattress store—$348 billion at last count—has made Buffett’s dour remarks about the dollar the equivalent of a lighthouse keeper warning, “The sea sometimes gets wet.”

The torch—more likely, a gold-plated pen—will pass to Vice Chairman Greg Abel, a man whose greatest ambition may once have been a quiet life, now doomed to a thousand panels on CNBC.

Buffett, whose net worth hovers near $169 billion and whose tolerance for cryptocurrency famously does not, has jeered at Bitcoin with all the enthusiasm of a retired professor asked to try TikTok. “Rat poison squared,” he called it back in 2018. By 2023, it had become merely a “gambling token,” which, in the grand tradition of Chekhovian repetition, must mean he’s softening or simply running out of rodents. Meanwhile, he described blockchain as “ingenious,” much like he’d praise a clever mousetrap before refusing to buy one. 🐭🎲

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2025-05-04 12:34