If you’re hoping for a storybook ending with Bitcoin’s elusive overlord Satoshi Nakamoto galloping off into the sunset with a USB stick clenched between his teeth, keep dreaming. The man (or woman, or collective fever dream) is still haunting the leaderboard like some kind of crypto Banksy. His one-point-one million BTC—currently worth about $71 billion, give or take the cost of lunch in Paris—remains untouched. At this point, it’s less a fortune and more a ghost story we keep telling each other at blockchain camp. 👻
Lagging behind, but still with enough coins to terrify a regulator, is Michael Saylor of MicroStrategy fame. Michael has been on a years-long shopping spree, presumably so he’ll never have to use a wallet smaller than a saddlebag. MicroStrategy’s 190,000 BTC is worth $12.3 billion, which should make those corporate retreats extra special (“Okay, kids, whoever spots a whale on the ledger gets a scone!”).
After that, it’s a parade of the usual suspects: crypto veterans, start-up cowboys, and assorted billionaires with questionable hobbies. The Winklevoss twins—yes, still rowing—hold a not-at-all-jealousy-inducing 150,000 BTC. Then there’s Elon Musk, who apparently got bored sending rockets to Mars and decided to amass 43,000 BTC via Tesla and whatever X is this week. The line-up reads like a cross between a high school reunion and a Bond villain casting call: venture capitalists, tech disruptors, Twitter philosophers, and the occasional meme lord.
Places at the “Big Wallets” table go to:
Tim Draper: 120,000 BTC, presumably stored somewhere near his collection of capes.
Barry Silbert: 78,000 BTC, because someone’s got to finance those grayscale memes.
Binance’s CZ: 70,000 BTC, and zero interest in sleeping.
Coinbase’s Brian Armstrong: 60,000 BTC—yes, he checks the price hourly, wouldn’t you?
Tesla and X: 43,000 BTC, and still no flying cars.
And then you have Jack Dorsey, Gavin Andresen, Jihan Wu, plus several people who probably list their cold wallet addresses on LinkedIn.
If you add them all up, the top twenty own just over 2 million BTC. That’s about a tenth of the total supply—otherwise known as “the same percentage of the pie my little brother claimed every Thanksgiving.” The combined value hovers around $132 billion, or, for context, enough to buy one moderately used private island or host a mediocre Olympic opening ceremony.
It’s enough power to make any idealist clutch their hardware wallet and whisper “decentralization” like a mantra. All this, while the rest of us try to buy coffee with fractions of a coin and say with a straight face that Bitcoin is The People’s Currency™. ☕️
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2025-05-05 07:17