Picture it, darling: Michael Saylor’s marvellous firm, Strategy, known the world over for unabashedly hoarding Bitcoin as if it’s going out of fashion, suddenly develops a touch of restraint. One might say, positively bashful. Last week, while Bitcoin tiptoed past the $97,000 threshold (goodness, how brazen!), Strategy decided to nibble rather than feast—acquiring a paltry 1,895 Bitcoin for a mere $180.3 million. “Just a little something for the portfolio,” whispered Saylor, twirling his monocle, I imagine. The average price: an eyebrow-raising $95,167 per Bitcoin. Quite the pocket change, if you own Monaco.
One must admit, this purchase is frightfully modest by Strategy’s standards, not far from their dieter’s treat in March—a positively anorexic acquisition of 130 BTC. Clearly, restraint is in vogue! 💃
This latest acquisition, let’s be honest, is 87% less than their previous bout of enthusiasm: a 15,355 BTC buying binge just the week before. Someone must have misplaced the company credit card, or perhaps the office sherry ran dry.
Semler Jumps Into The Ballroom (And Onto the Table)
As Strategy pulled their punch, enter Semler Scientific—a healthtech outfit who, apparently, have confused medicine with moonshots. While the world watched Bitcoin play peekaboo with $100K, these audacious newcomers thought, “Why not?” and snapped up 167 glorious BTC for a cool $16.2 million, at the almost fashionable price of $97,093 per Bitcoin. They must be expecting a prescription for “hodl.” 🥂
Announced with the subtlety of a marching band on May 5th, this buy was up over 50% from their previous jaunt (a positively delicate 111 BTC on April 25). Shall we dance, Semler?
As of May 2, 2025, Semler is clutching 3,634 BTC to its chest, acquired for a swoon-worthy total of $322.3 million—every Bitcoin averaging a modest $88,668. Of course, that’s a far cry from Strategy, who at last count were lounging atop a mountain of 555,450 BTC, all scooped up for the comparatively bargain-basement price of $68,550 each.
Is this the prelude to a dizzying dance, or simply the overture before someone misplaces the punch bowl? Stay tuned, darlings. The crypto soirée’s just begun and someone’s bound to step on a few toes. 🕺💸
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2025-05-05 16:09