Ripple Boss Declares Stablecoins Hotter Than Hollywood—US Lawmakers Just Sip Their Tea

Ripple’s chief, Mr. Garlinghouse—iconoclast, digital soothsayer, and, one suspects, exasperated luncheon companion—has declared stablecoins positively rampant worldwide, while Congress lingers in its long-famed afternoon stupor. Inaction, he suggests, may soon demote the United States from protagonist to comic relief in the global currency drama. 🍸

As Stablecoins Advance, US Lawmakers Practice the Careful Art of Doing Nothing

The estimable Brad Garlinghouse took to the chattering classes’ favorite salon, X, to issue what, in gentler times, might have been called a plea, but today registers as a digital harangue—complete with subtext in bold.

“Stablecoins are exploding globally for their real-world applications (the sheer amount of recent announcements across crypto, fintech and traditional finance should indicate as such). The sooner that the US can pass workable, clear rules, the faster it reaps the benefits of this technology.”

The vote on the splendidly titled Guiding and Establishing National Innovation in U.S. Stablecoins Act—GENIUS, as only a lawmaker could devise—fell flatter than a banker’s attempt at stand-up. Key supporters, politicians, and industry folk alike huffed collectively. Awkward dinner parties are expected for weeks.

With Washington now relying on a labyrinth of state regulators (each with the regulatory subtlety of a Victorian landlady), clarity has become as elusive as bipartisan civility. Any crypto hopeful seeking compliance will need a roadmap, a compass, and perhaps a stiff drink.

Elsewhere, Coinbase’s ever-athletic Brian Armstrong engaged that classic American pastime—tweeting at Congress—imploring them to pass the legislation ahead of the August recess, lest the beaches be exposed to a torrent of unregulated digital sand.

He intoned: “Congress has a real opportunity this week to advance stablecoin and market structure legislation. We strongly support the Senate starting debate on the GENIUS Act — and we need 60 votes to get there.” (One wonders if next week, he’ll start a conga line.)

Not to be outdone, Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent brandished his X account with the sort of gravitas reserved for failed soufflés, declaring the non-passage a “missed opportunity.” One almost heard the ghost of Pitt the Younger sigh.

“This bill represents a once-in-a-generation opportunity to expand dollar dominance and U.S. influence in financial innovation.”

Bessent added, with the sort of dismay one reserves for discovering one’s club is out of sherry: “Stablecoins will be subject to a patchwork of state regulations instead of a streamlined federal framework that is more conducive to growth and competitiveness. The world is watching while American lawmakers twiddle their thumbs.” 👀

Yet, even as Capitol Hill’s finest dabble in thumb gymnastics, the global hunger for stablecoins grows. Industry lobbyists, undaunted, tout foreign regulatory playbooks, dreaming of an America that leads, or at any rate, manages to catch up before the next epoch. One could only hope that the next Senate vote features less thumb-twiddling, and possibly more actual work.

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2025-05-10 06:04