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Now, after bouncing up from $0.1427 like a rubber ball in a saloon, the coin charged straight to $0.1677 before flopping down for a nap at $0.1645. With a market cap big enough to make a riverboat gambler blush — $24.64 billion — and daily trading volume closing in on $883 million, Dogecoin’s in what the city folks call “accumulation.” The real question: is it coiling to pounce or just getting ready to nap some more?

Yes, you read that right: 2004. Back when people were still nervously asking Jeeves and nobody would have trusted Mark Zuckerberg to run a lemonade stand, let alone their data. These time-traveling emails—dug up by XRP-wrangler SMOQE—feature the musings of tech scribe Reutzel Bailey and industry veteran Jeffrey Cliff, who apparently prefer their revelations with a side of mild controversy. 🍿

Such was the commotion that wallets handling WIF multiplied with the enthusiasm of Wildean wit, swelling by 20%. Daily volume strutted past the $70 million mark, nearly enough to convince even the most cynical that one’s fortune could be secured by a digital dog with a hat. Meanwhile, WIF sidled up to the $1.00 mark—close enough to flirt but not quite enough to commit.

The Senate, in a display of vim reminiscent of a turtle discovering espresso, briskly passed the bill last week; it slouches now toward the House. Should it stumble into law, glitter will rain upon the digital assets arena, but also shackles, manacles, and, dare I say, IRS-shaped handcuffs. Companies must now show at least the decorum of a boring old bank: back the coins with “safe” assets—cash, toddler-tame Treasury bills. And, sacrilege of sacrileges, audit themselves in public, yearly, like a magician revealing every trick.

This whole circus started when the rumor mill reported BlackRock was seen cozying up with the SEC’s crypto task force in May. (Probably over bagels and some “light regulation.”) The scoop? They supposedly chatted about ETF stuff like two guys trying to put IKEA furniture together—no mention of XRP, just a lot of “maybe we could…” and “what if?” In typical fashion, there’s no official paperwork, no press release, nada. Not even a tweet! BlackRock hasn’t so much as winked at XRP.