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China, not one to be outdone, has vowed to “fight to the end,” retaliating with tariffs of its own and tightening its grip on rare earth minerals. The Chinese Commerce Ministry, with the solemnity of a philosopher, argues that trade between the two nations is balanced when one considers services and the operations of American companies within its borders. It accuses the United States of unilateral actions that trample upon mutual agreements, a charge that echoes through the halls of international diplomacy. 🇨🇳

Softly, morale crumbles among the crypto faithful, as the Bitcoin price waltzes through the $70,000 corridor—strange territory where even experienced traders blink twice. Alex Guts, lord of Banxe, serenely envisions Bitcoin stuck in an awkward $72,000-$84,000 tango, though he claims the horizon remains bright, thanks to steady adoption and nods from twiddling policymakers. How positively heartwarming, one might say, if one enjoys the repeated rollercoaster of crypto life.

BREAKING: 30-year Treasury yield is now above 5%.

Meanwhile, President Trump’s tariffs are out here playing Monopoly with the world. Europe, Japan, Vietnam, and especially China are getting slapped with taxes like they’re late on rent. Chinese products? Over 100% in tariffs. At this point, trade between the U.S. and China is basically a toxic relationship. 🚩

First, 17,000,000 RLUSD rolled off the digital assembly line on March 28, followed by 50,000,000 on April 1 (no, this wasn’t a prank), and another 50,000,000 on April 2. Then, silence. Crickets. The kind of silence that makes you wonder if the minting machine decided to take a long weekend in the Bahamas.