Our fearless POTUS (the modern tsar of a land across the ocean) proclaimed from his gilded echo chamber: America, masters of the sky! The Iranians, apparently, are to kneel or else… but not right this minute, because apparently mercy is trending. “Unconditional surrender,” he said, as if it were a new flavor at a capitalist ice cream shop.
Apparently, market panic is the new brunch. In just about the same amount of time it takes to lose an argument on Twitter (that is, one hour), the crypto-verse managed to liquidate more than $100 million. That’s a lot of imaginary money to vanish, even for folks who genuinely believe in Dogecoin as a retirement plan. Everyone’s asking “what’s going on?” which is also the subtitle to every family group chat during Thanksgiving.
In a delightful twist of fate, SolanaFloor recently shared on X that the regulatory body is now believed to have a 76% chance of giving a thumbs-up to the S-1 applications before it by the end of July. The rising tide of approval odds seems to reflect a burgeoning confidence among investors, who are perhaps dreaming of a future where their digital assets are as stable as a well-brewed cup of tea.
Now, the industry and the Democrats have their reasons to cozy up to each other. But don’t get too comfortable—Trump’s crypto scandal could totally ruin this party, like a bad first date.
According to the whispers carried by Reuters, Paul Grewal declared with all the gravitas of a lawyer at a wedding that “tokenized equities” are now the North Star for Coinbase. Apparently, you won’t even have to buy shares directly anymore, just buy their tokenized shadows—like buying a loaf of bread and getting only the aroma.