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Dalio, that hedge fund wizard with a knack for predicting financial calamities, went on to proclaim that the monetary order is “breaking down.” One can only imagine the rest of the investment community nodding sagely while clutching their veils. He further mused that the world itself is undergoing “profound changes,” which, let’s be honest, could mean anything from aliens landing to folks finally figuring out how to make a decent cup of coffee.

According to the ever-reliable SoSoValue data, a staggering $713.3 million was yanked from the 12 spot Bitcoin ETFs, a figure that eclipsed the previous week’s paltry outflows of $172.7 million by over 300%. One might say it was a veritable exodus, a mass flight from the shores of Bitcoin, reminiscent of a scene from a Dostoevskian novel where characters flee from their own existential dread.

Mon Dieu! What mockery of fate! The great oracle Chainlink, in its infinite wisdom (or perhaps momentary madness), has deemed Pi Network worthy of joining its sacred data streams! Oh, how the mighty have stooped to embrace the modest! ‘Tis truly a marriage of convenience that would make any court jester giggle! 🤹‍♂️

In a display of market might, the OM price took a nosedive from over $6 to a modest below $1, whilst liquidations galloped past an astonishing $70 million—because who doesn’t enjoy a good freefall once in a while? 🤷‍♂️

With a market cap strutting around at $68.72 billion and a trading volume that’s taken a slight dip to $4.22 billion, one might think it’s a quiet Sunday afternoon. Yet, in a single day, a staggering $18.5 million worth of liquidations occurred, and here’s the kicker: both sides took a hit! Long positions lost about $8.7 million, while shorts were not spared either, losing $9.8 million. It’s like a game of musical chairs, and everyone’s left standing. 🎶