CoreWeave IPO: Is This AI’s Last Gasp?! 😲

by

Things You Ought To Know (But Probably Won’t):

  • CoreWeave, in a move that can only be described as “brave” (or possibly “desperate”), decided that fewer shares were better than more, raising a paltry $1.5 billion. At a valuation of $23 billion, one wonders if they’ve been sniffing the same stuff as the AI they’re hosting.
  • Nvidia, apparently not content with merely designing the chips that run the world, decided to throw $250 million into the CoreWeave bonfire. One can only assume this is a clever plan to corner the market on “AI cloud services,” or perhaps they just had some spare change lying around. 🤔
  • And here’s where it gets interesting: CoreWeave is practically BFFs with bitcoin miner CoreScientific, thanks to a multi-billion dollar deal. Because what says “cutting-edge AI” like powering it with the energy equivalent of a small country dedicated to solving cryptographic puzzles? 🤷

So, the story goes, this Artificial Intelligence-focused firm, CoreWeave, managed to scrape together $1.5 billion in its initial public offering (IPO). This allegedly values the company at a sum roughly equivalent to the GDP of a small, banana-producing nation, according to Bloomberg. This confirmation arrives after hushed whispers suggested they might have slightly… um… adjusted their expectations. Just a tad. 🤏

Apparently, these cloud-wranglers sold 37.5 million shares at $40 a pop. Initially, they were aiming for a much grander spectacle, involving 49 million shares at somewhere between $47 and $55 each. However, the stock market, being the fickle beast it is, decided to have a bit of a wobble, causing CoreWeave to reconsider their lavish party plans. 🎉 > 😭

The mighty Nvidia, a known investor in CoreWeave, decided to be a good sport and anchor the IPO with a $250 million order. Sources, who are allegedly “familiar with the matter” (as if anyone truly understands these things), claim this is a significant vote of confidence. Or maybe Nvidia just likes the company logo. 🤷‍♂️

CoreWeave, you see, is entangled in a deep and meaningful relationship with CoreScientific, the bitcoin mining magnate. They struck a multi-billion deal, presumably involving copious amounts of caffeine and existential dread, to expand CoreScientific’s artificial intelligence capabilities. The implications are, frankly, terrifying. 🤖

However, all is not sunshine and algorithms. Nvidia’s own stock price has taken a bit of a tumble, down 12% since the start of the year. This, according to The Information, reflects a “broader weakness” in AI-focused firms. One wonders if the AI themselves are starting to short their own creators. 🤔 Perhaps they know something we don’t… 🤫

Read More

2025-03-28 03:15