I Hope My Husband Cha-Cha-Cheats
Dear Remy,
Earlier this year, my husband got that call every celebrity dreams of.
No – not to be the next James Bond, headline the Super Bowl, or sing with Elmo on Sesame Street.
He was asked to be on Dancing with the Stars.
Certainly, his enthusiasm for this opportunity is palpable. For a long time, Dancing with the Stars has been a dream of his, hoping it could lead to more acting opportunities. Moreover, he reminisces about his early career days performing on cruise ships and frequently expresses his yearning to wear lycra regularly again.
As someone who has been through my fair share of heartbreak and gossip, I can relate to the woman in this situation. The rumors swirling around her partner on Dancing with the Stars are relentless – friends teasing, tabloids speculating, and the constant worry about infidelity. But what if she knows something we don’t? What if the truth is far from what everyone thinks? I can only imagine the relief she would feel if she could set the record straight, to let her loved ones know that there’s no cause for concern. Life has taught me that appearances can be deceiving, and sometimes the biggest surprises come when we least expect them.
I’d be thrilled if he were involved in a relationship: My husband primarily relies on me for social interaction, and while I frequently spend time with friends, he seems to be perpetually around our home like Casper the Friendless Ghost. It would be wonderful if someone else could entertain him occasionally, giving me some much-needed personal time.
Instead of secretly wishing for a dance partner who doesn’t suit his tastes (as it seems he has feelings for Kelly Ripa), I find myself secretly hoping she has blonde hair and a lisp. And instead of longing for him to be given the sexless, comedy dances that most wives might desire, I secretly hope they assign him a passionate Rumba dance, with as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. Lots of leg movements involved.
Remy, these constant thoughts are bothering me. I hadn’t realized how much I needed some space from my husband. Should we reevaluate our marriage at this point?
Weary of Wifing.
Dear Weary of Wifing,
In my perspective, your letter paints a picture of a blend of feelings. At times, you seem to long for freedom and autonomy. Yet, there might be an undercurrent of excitement stemming from the sensation of jealousy – a feeling that can inject passion into relationships, as suggested by Esther Perel, a well-known relationship guru. Interestingly, she posits that jealousy can sometimes function like an aphrodisiac, making our partners appear more alluring. And, it’s certainly less expensive than oysters, making it a double win!
Supporting your spouse in discovering new interests or activities may foster a healthier, autonomous social existence for him. It’s not just about keeping him busy, but rather empowering him to become more self-reliant and socially content, which could, in turn, make him even more captivating to you.
Inquiring about the pastimes or hobbies he’s enjoyed or seemed interested in, might it be possible for him to explore brewing, participate in a hiking club, or rekindle old friendships? This endeavor aims to provide him with joy and connections beyond our relationship, allowing us both the necessary space. Such activities could potentially enhance his mental health and self-worth, ultimately making our shared moments more meaningful.
As someone who has navigated the complexities of adult friendships myself, I can empathize with your situation. Over the years, I’ve seen many men struggle to form and maintain meaningful connections outside of their immediate family circles. It’s a challenge that has been widely discussed in recent times, and it seems that spouses often find themselves playing the role of the intermediary in male friendships.
Having been through a similar situation myself, I can tell you that if he becomes more self-sufficient socially, your relationship dynamics may shift significantly. It might seem like this new independence is causing a distance between the two of you, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s seeking to cheat. Instead, it could be an opportunity for both of you to find balance in your marriage and reignite the spark that initially brought you together.
Yours in syncopation,
Remy
The Horror, The Horror… Of My Career
Dear Remy,
Do you think it’s possible to escape one’s niche?
As a horror film screenwriter, much like my fictional personas, I yearn for liberation from confinement. It’s not about being trapped in a coffin beneath the earth or held captive in a deranged serial killer’s attic; rather, I seek to break free from the creative niche that seems to have me cornered.
I fell into the horror genre but I don’t mind telling you that I’m good at it. Really good. Think of a terrifying way to kill someone. I am sure I can better it, and then add a cherry on top (they’re watching their own demise on multiple screens, or the killer plans to steal their identity, starting with their face. See?). Gore, gruesomeness, and gloom are just my skillset.
As someone who has spent much of my life immersed in the world of storytelling and character creation, I often find myself questioning the moral implications of the tales I weave. Recently, I have been writing characters that are driven by malice and a desire to inflict pain on others, which has left me feeling uneasy about my own psyche. It’s hard not to wonder what it says about me as a person when I find myself enjoying the creation of such dark, twisted souls.
Whenever I venture into new writing territories, it seems like the realm of horror sneaks up on me unawares. I once penned a heartwarming river-adventure about a melodious otter clan that would’ve been a hit with Pixar, but found myself inexplicably leading them to a haunting bayou where they were picked off one by one by vengeful crocodiles. My Sondheim-inspired musical, centering on a blossoming romance amidst prohibition, started to disintegrate as I discovered my lead character was actually an android pretending to be human. To top it all off, when I attempted a tender family drama, I found myself at the end credits, horrified to find the entire cast had become entangled in incestuous relationships.
After dedicating such a significant amount of time to this specific field, I’m concerned that my thought patterns may be permanently shaped by it. Remy, is it possible for me to break free from this pattern and find solace outside of this area?
Yours,
Horror-Fried
Dear Horror-Fried,
As a gamer, I’ve noticed an interesting pattern – my creative mind often intertwines elements of horror into various aspects of life, whether intentionally or not. The bright side is that this knack for horror can actually enrich other genres! For instance, have you ever thought about “Sweeney Todd” as a musical that revolves around a serial killer? Or how “Scream” skillfully merged teen drama with chilling slasher elements? Even Paul McCartney’s “Frog Song” has a hint of the surreal. So, don’t worry if you find yourself adding a bit of the macabre to your creations. Horror can be found in unexpected places within other genres.
Instead of battling against your fear instincts, why not redirect them towards something innovative? Could you compose a romantic comedy with a dark twist, where the main character’s greatest anxiety is exposing their vulnerability instead of encountering vampires? Perhaps a science fiction masterpiece in which the horror elements underscore the mysteries of space rather than gory alien creatures? And, if children’s movies are your forte, consider revisiting that genre. Your otter family could still be trapped in a crocodile’s jaws, but what about penning a kids’ horror movie instead? If you have Tim Burton in your contacts, give him a call.
Perhaps looking to ‘rewire’ your thinking is the wrong way to go about this. Instead, think of yourself as starting at the beginning with a new genre. Once that hurdle is crossed, you can start looking to horror as a spice that can add flavor to any dish. What kind of story would you tell if you sprinkled just a dash of it? The goal isn’t to escape your niche but to expand it. How can your unique perspective bring fresh twists to other genres?
Yours in creative fusion,
Remy
My Parents Keep Photo-Bombing My Movies
Dear Remy,
It started out as an in-joke.
When I secured my debut major role, my parents were overjoyed, so I managed to persuade the director to give them minor roles as extras. It was a wonderful experience – they’ve always been my most ardent supporters, and having them along for the ride made it feel particularly meaningful. They were like children on set – my mom was flirting with the runners, while my dad spent the entire day in the equipment room, enthralled by the filming gear. To him, the camera crew were almost superheroes.
After that, I expected they’d be asked to appear in the next movie as well. My mom reached out to my agent, who she’s friendly with due to a shared love for the Marry Me Chicken recipe, to find out the shooting dates. Without hesitation, she scheduled a hair appointment for the day prior. I went along with her plans since it was enjoyable having them on set previously and my Dad had only damaged one lens cap.
However, Remy, this situation is becoming quite questionable. They’ve been present on set throughout all my films, and I’m growing concerned about being portrayed as the oversized infant in Hollywood. What if people assume I’m the six-foot toddler who requires the comfort of his parents for every role? The one who gets cookies from mom after a good scene, or needs dad to play catch with a ball if I need a distraction in my trailer?
Beyond this point, could it restrict the types of roles I can apply for? After all, wouldn’t directors and producers hesitate to cast me in intense dramas like a steamy thriller or an intimate two-person play such as “Here’s to You Leo Grande,” if they perceive that I always work with my family members?
I’d like to avoid causing them distress since they are sincere and kind individuals, but I must figure out how to soften the blow and gradually end our connection, symbolically detaching from each other.
Remy – how do I dump my parents?
Yours,
Too Old to be Adopted
Dear Too Old to be Adopted,
Oh, the tender yet slightly overwhelming hug of parental affection! It’s both comforting and a bit confining. However, let’s avoid any Home Alone-like situations. It seems a thoughtful conversation could be beneficial at this point.
Establishing limits doesn’t imply you care less about them; instead, consider creating unique moments to highlight your career that don’t necessitate being on set. For instance, you could host an exclusive premiere party for them when your movies are released, offering them a VIP experience without encroaching on your work life. Alternatively, engage them in backstage activities that don’t hamper production, such as organizing fan events or allowing them to observe the making of the film from a distance.
As a fan, I thought about unique ways to appreciate my dedicated supporters without asking them to be on set physically. Here’s an idea: Why not make them the “official” photographers for my social media platforms? They could capture exciting moments at premieres and events, bringing my fans closer to the action.
Dear [Name],
And hey, if you ever need a cookie during a tough shoot, there’s always Postmates.
Yours in untethered apron springs,
Remy
***
Remy Blumenfeld, an experienced television producer and the founder of Vitality Guru, provides professional guidance for top-tier media professionals looking to advance their careers or run successful businesses. If you have any inquiries, please direct them to: guru@vitality.guru
Questions edited by Sarah Mills.
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2024-08-10 20:26