Child Actors Are Ruining My Career Plans
In response to your question, “How Do I Pitch a Reality Show That Defies Reality?”, here’s my advice:
Dear Remy,
I’m in my dream industry, but my nightmare job.
From a young age, I’ve been passionate about movies – when I was just five, I’d arrange my stuffed animals as if they were film characters and act out scenes as Quentin Tarantino might do. Fast forward to today, I’ve managed to break into the industry, but not in the way I had dreamed of. Unfortunately, I find myself working as a child chaperone instead.
As a passionate gamer with a BFA under my belt, I found myself in a tough spot financially. Most of my earnings were going towards purchasing essential equipment for my short films. The struggle was real, and to add to it all, I kept receiving disappointing news from casting calls – even for the most basic roles like a wig wrangler.
Then, a friend suggested chaperoning.
With my impressive academic background, I was a strong contender for the role (believe it or not, some parents are quite pushy about their children’s acting careers). My goal was to make connections on set and eventually transition into a creative role by working closely with directors and industry influencers.
In actuality, I’ve yet to have a conversation with the director about the slasher thriller I developed during my college years. Instead, my days are filled with discussions on long division or manipulating an Elmo puppet for the children. These little ones can be quite demanding – one even criticized how I cut his apple the other day, preferring circles over moons.
Picture this scenario: You’re stuck in a never-ending loop of the Mickey Mouse Club, with no escape from its daily routine. This is my reality. It’s disconcerting to acknowledge that deep down, I have an aversion to children. I once harbored dreams of becoming a loving father someday, after achieving great success and accolades like Oscars.
Remy, after finding yourself in this predicament with gel pens surrounding you, should you accept the situation or look for a way out before feeling overwhelmed?
Sincerely,
Mickey Mouse Club Survivor
Dear Mickey Mouse Club Survivor,
To begin with, I want to acknowledge your achievement of breaking into this industry. While you may be starting out in an entry-level role instead of being on the red carpet, simply securing that initial opportunity is no small feat.
Let’s break this down:
1. You’re Not Alone: Numerous individuals in the entertainment industry begin their careers in positions that challenge their reasoning. Hollywood is known for presenting situations that seem wrong but are accepted as normal. The key lies in using these early experiences to advance, rather than becoming bogged down by them.
In your present position, look for opportunities to discreetly expand your professional connections. Contrary to popular belief, executives such as directors and producers are often accessible. Can you seize quieter moments, like during coffee breaks or casual conversations, to bring up your slasher thriller project? You may even consider engaging in dialogue about the children’s schedules to create a more relaxed atmosphere before subtly introducing the topic. (Should the need arise, feel free to delegate a challenging quadratic equation to lighten the mood.)
Spend your free time expanding your portfolio. Participate in short film competitions, team up with independent filmmakers, and consistently produce new work. Demonstrate your enthusiasm for filmmaking through the pieces you create, even if they’re made during your leisure hours.
As a passionate gamer immersed in my current role, I’ve been reflecting on my long-term goals and how I can continue to contribute and advance within this exciting industry. I believe it’s essential to have an open dialogue with my supervisor about these aspirations, demonstrating my commitment to my current position while expressing my eagerness to learn and grow further.
5. Stay Humorous and Resilient: Your sense of humor is your secret weapon. Use it to get through the day and to build rapport with colleagues. Everyone loves someone who can make them laugh, and that could be your in with the decision-makers.
“Stay strong. Working for the Mickey Mouse Club may be your present role, but it’s not your ultimate goal. Keep focused on your ambitions and ensure your wigs are neatly styled.”
Break a leg (not literally),
Remy
I Don’t Want People Riding My Characters
Dear Remy,
This is the strangest problem I’ve ever had, but I find myself with a multi-million dollar deal on the table — and there’s a chance I’m going to walk away.
In an exciting turn of events, a renowned leisure and entertainment corporation has proposed creating a theme park chain inspired by my collection of fantasy novels, which have already been adapted into successful movie franchises.
Remy, I’m just a simple girl, and as a child growing up in Midwestern suburbs, I found solace in the worlds of books. For instance, the weevils with wings like shoulder pads in my stories are inspired by the school bullies who tormented me. It’s astonishing to me that these tales of mine have been purchased and even turned into films. The success has taken me completely off guard. I’ve been carried along by the support of my agents and producers, but this proposal has made me pause for thought.
In my perspective, a theme park signifies an extravagant and disposable aspect I’m not keen on associating with. The idea of transforming my complex, multidimensional protagonist – who carries years of rich texture, depth, and background – into a mere teacup ride leaves me uneasy. My fans praise my intricate world-building – a fantastical realm layered onto reality, complete with an intricate ecosystem of magical beings – but can this truly be encapsulated through mechanical sing-song animatronics? None of the elements of my imagined landscape can be translated into log flumes or runaway trains, and that’s before considering themed sugar-slush stands.
Remy, is it imprudent for me to decline the offer? I’m not cut out to amass a fortune like Walt Disney or pursue unconventional methods such as cryonic freezing.
Yours,
Tilt-a-Whirl Girl
Dear Tilt-a-Whirl Girl,
I’m here to help you navigate through your predicament. It’s not every day that we come across such intriguing dilemmas, but it speaks volumes about your accomplishments and the influence of your endeavors.
Experiencing the excitement of achieving success in Hollywood can be both exhilarating and overwhelming. For those coming from humbler beginnings, the immense pressure to conform can be particularly challenging. It’s essential to keep in mind that you hold the reins to your own story and have the ability to make decisions in line with your principles.
As a devoted fan of your world, consider pondering this question: Does this theme park truly embody the essence of my universe, or does it risk watering down its unique charm? If the answer is the latter, then it’s essential to remain true to your creative vision. The integrity and authenticity of your work carry far more value than any potential monetary rewards. Moreover, based on the intricacies of the stories you’ve woven, it seems challenging to transform them into something as simple as a carnival float.
If there’s an opportunity to add a unique touch to the project while keeping it aligned with your original concept, it could be worth considering. You don’t need to be like Walt Disney, but setting limits that suit you is important. Could it be that your followers would appreciate immersing themselves in the world you’ve built, warts and all?
In the end, rely on your inner judgment. Your achievements are rooted in being authentic to who you are and the tales you weave. Refuse to yield to external coercion when a choice feels unsettling.
Keep your world magical,
Remy
How Do I Pitch a Reality Show That Defies Reality?
Dear Remy,
Have you ever been asked to pitch a show that doesn’t exist?
I’ll begin by sharing some background information. I work for a prominent production company based on the West Coast, where our primary focus is on reality TV shows. My supervisor has a tendency to be preoccupied with grand ideas (occasionally quite literally, as he resides in the penthouse of the Radziner building). I effectively manage him using a combination of lighthearted banter and the occasional offering of a Charleston Chew when his attention needs redirecting.
This week, I encountered a challenge: I was asked to propose a television show concept based on an existing dating app, which I don’t have the rights to develop. The app’s owner has recently acquired its intellectual property and intends to explore European presales for a format inspired by it. He believes that generating interest from U.S. buyers will be easier if the show already has a strong following in other territories. From a fan’s perspective, this seems like an intriguing opportunity to create engaging content based on a popular app while expanding its reach beyond its current user base.
The only thing is, there is no format. Whenever I ask him how the show will work, he repeats that it will work “just like the app,” or gazes out the window before asking for the scores on the Dodgers game.
Remy, I’ve always had faith in my abilities to transform various situations into compelling pitch documents. I’ve managed to do so with overheard conversations at Macy’s, juicy high school gossip, and even an ice cream sundae recipe. However, this time around, it feels as if I’m merely acting on a whim, and my creative spark seems to have eluded me.
It’s relatively new for me to encounter the term “gaslighting,” although I must admit I’ve reached an age where that’s a reality. And I find myself questioning if it’s even plausible for me to propose a program that doesn’t actually exist.
As a gamer and creator in this industry, I originally joined with the intention of highlighting the complexities of human nature through reality TV. However, after watching the latest episode, I can’t help but feel like I’m involved in something insincere, such as an MLM or even a Ghostbusters team, peddling non-existent goods.
What would your advice be here, Remy? I’m desperate!
Yours,
The Format Whisperer
Dear Format Whisperer,
Initially, handling your boss with Charleston Chews and a great sense of humor is quite an achievement – it deserves recognition, perhaps even a medal or a spot on a reality show. It seems you’re more like a dog handler than an executive, keeping your boss focused and entertained with rewards! (Does he have a microchip? That could be useful if you ever lose him).
In Hollywood, proposing a non-existent show might feel like living in a world of fiction where reality and scripts blur. It could be disorienting, similar to gaslighting, yet an intriguing chance to exercise your imaginative abilities that have brought you here.
As a passionate gamer, I’d suggest this: “Step into the whirlwind of emotions! Craft a compelling narrative about the dating app experience, focusing on the raw human connections and unpredictable twists. Imagine it as the foundation for a thrilling reality TV show, filled with drama and surprise. Once we have a clear vision, we can build upon this base and create something truly extraordinary.”
Share a preliminary version of your idea with your supervisor to prove progress is being made. Providing them with a tangible representation, though it may involve some degree of illusion or exaggeration (like using contour sponges for 3D effects or proposing an infinity pool as a metaphor), can help initiate the discussion and steer it towards more solid plans.
Remember, your strength lies in your ability to transform the mundane into compelling TV. You’ve done it before, and you can do it again. And who knows? This whimsical pitch might just turn into the next big hit, proving once again that reality is what we make of it.
So, grab that metaphorical proton pack, and go bust some ghosts—erm, I mean, pitch that non-existent show with confidence.
Pitch perfectly,
Remy
Remy Blumenfeld, an experienced television producer and the founder of Vitality Guru, provides business and career guidance for successful individuals in the media industry. For inquiries, please contact us at guru@vitality.guru.
Questions edited by Sarah Mills.
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2024-07-13 18:55