John Mulaney’s Fight With Three 14-Year-Olds Was a Bit of a Letdown

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On Wednesday, John Mulaney fulfilled his pledge to spar with three 14-year-old lads. To be precise, he kept his word. (Or alternatively, John Mulaney upheld his vow to square off against three adolescents aged 14 on Wednesday. In essence, he honored his commitment.)

Four weeks ago, I made a vow to spar with three 14-year-olds. Out of countless entries, we picked out three adolescent boys who are ready to engage in a match with me on the mat,” Mulaney prepared his Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney segment. “Those of you at home, all you’ve been doing is chattering away, chattering away. It’s high time we put an end to the trash talk, stop the speculation and resolve this, man-to-boy confrontation.

During the concluding part of his “What’s Buzzing Among Teens?” show, the guidelines were straightforward: no hitting, no kicking, no eye-gouging, and definitely no biting. Headlocks were acceptable, but only if the opponent’s arm was enclosed within it. Essentially, it wasn’t a full-blown fight, rather a controlled wrestling match. As a fan, I found it fascinating!

Despite remaining excited, the live audience was spirited, and energetic introductions for the guys, provided by guest Adam Sandler and executive producer/announcer Richard Kind, set the tone. However, Kind seemed preoccupied with introducing even his host, a fact that wasn’t missed by Mulaney. The youngsters were undoubtedly the audience favorites. In an unexpected move, Mulaney received boos from parts of his own crowd – he retaliated by giving them the middle finger.

The four combatants removed their footwear, socks, watches, rings, and ties before stepping onto the wrestling mat, donning wrestling headgear. Unlike a professional wrestling ring, this one was adorned with pro-wrestling style ropes that resembled plush red carpet velvet ropes instead.

The fighters took off their shoes, socks, watches, rings, and ties before stepping onto the wrestling mat, wearing headgear for wrestling. The ropes around the mat looked like those used in professional wrestling, but they were more like fancy red velvet ropes instead.

Ding-ding.

In this scenario, Mulaney targeted the largest child, who performed the majority of the tasks, while the other boys provided occasional help. As a group, they managed to flip comedian Mulaney onto the mat upside down. A legal headlock was then applied, and Mulaney signaled his submission by tapping. The entire incident lasted just 50 seconds, which is about as long as two puffs of onlooker Sean Penn’s cigarette.

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In this instance, Mulaney chose the heaviest child to focus on, who did the bulk of the work, while other boys provided intermittent support. Together, they succeeded in flipping comedian Mulaney onto the mat face down. They then applied a legitimate headlock and Mulaney conceded by tapping. The entire event took only 50 seconds – similar to two puffs of observer Sean Penn’s cigarette.

Watch clips of the match here:

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The inspiration for the altercation stemmed from the popular online discussion about 100 men versus a single gorilla. It was this concept that the team in the writers’ room for Everybody’s Live decided to explore.

Mulaney stated at a recent FYC event for his talk show, as reported by IndieWire, that he believes many online simulations are deeply flawed. He explained that instead of just one young man, he anticipates multiple individuals (possibly three) jumping on him during an encounter, which is what he’s preparing himself for.

That’s more or less what happened, and the “gorilla” gave up.

Of course, this was always a losing proposition for Mulaney.

Mulaney isn’t particularly muscular, standing at 6 feet 1 inch and being 42 years old. However, it should be noted that he could potentially cause harm to a 14-year-old boy. Yet, it’s crucial to clarify that he absolutely would not, as doing so would have been detrimental for both him and Netflix.

A representative from Netflix didn’t promptly provide a comment in response to The Hollywood Reporter’s query about the matter at hand.

Mulaney expressed during the FYC event, ‘I thought to myself, I’m not sure if I should step up here given my family and responsibilities, but once someone gets too close, you might suddenly react.’ He seemed to imply that he was relying on this reaction.

Luckily, Mulaney, the new father, chose caution over risk, which put him in a difficult position to emerge victorious. Anyone who has ever dealt with or even known a teenager can attest to their tenacity; they wouldn’t give up without experiencing some considerable discomfort. In hindsight, it might have been more appropriate to include an option for submission.

The concept, resembling a meme-spawned joke (14+14+14 equals 42), led Mulaney to stand firm on his pledge, but it ultimately left him in a predicament he couldn’t escape. With Netflix’s lawyers likely whispering advice into Mulaney’s ear, the resolution to this lengthy build-up could only lead to disillusionment. And that’s exactly what happened. However, if I, as a fellow father, feel let down by a fight between a man slightly younger than me and a group of freshman high school students turning out to be underwhelming, it might be wise to scrutinize oneself.

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2025-05-29 18:24