Love Is a Numbers Game in China

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In “The Dating Game,” director Violet Du Feng twists a seemingly simple concept – a week-long dating camp in China – into something much more disquieting: a hidden cultural predicament disguised as a matchmaking trial. At first glance, it appears to be an observational documentary about three bachelors seeking love; however, it eventually unveils itself as a critique of a flawed system, where romantic encounters are less about genuine affection and more about maneuvering through the unrealistic pressures imposed upon both men and women.

A Crisis of Numbers & Connections

The movie starts by firmly establishing its historical backdrop, beginning with blunt text that outlines the impact of China’s long-term one-child policy: an astonishing gender disparity, resulting in approximately 30 million more men than women. This discrepancy makes love, in this setting, less about personal exploration and more about statistics, where the dynamics of supply and demand dictate not only relationships but the course of entire lives.

In this setting, we encounter three individuals named Zhou, Li, and Wu, who decide to join a seven-day relationship workshop in Chongqing. They look towards experienced dating coaches Hao and Wen for advice. This workshop is presented as a quick course on contemporary romance, where the participants are subjected to a series of uneasy social encounters, compulsory confessions, and calculated flirting activities.

The documentary’s visual style complements this absurdity by adopting an engaging, game-show-like approach with a lively background music that makes their romantic mishaps seem like they’re competing in a reality TV show.

Under the surface of the camp’s cheerful facade, there lies a palpable unease among these men. It’s not just that they’re having trouble finding love; it runs deeper than that – they’re essentially inexperienced when it comes to emotional closeness. They tend to view romance as something to be figured out, a matter of striking the right balance. In an insightful exchange, a dating coach candidly states that “nerds can’t be pickup artists,” underscoring the notion that relationships are more about learning strategies than forging authentic connections.

Dating, with Women as an Afterthought

Throughout most of the movie, women are portrayed mainly as distant goals to achieve, and their perspectives are seldom heard within the storyline. However, when they eventually come into focus, the narrative undergoes a significant shift, revealing the subtly harmful expectations that also burden them.

A poignant scene involves individuals, mostly young women, who have found solace in artificial companions, digital partners providing pre-set affirmations devoid of the world’s criticism. One woman admits, “I don’t see how unattractive I am,” underscoring the profound influence beauty norms have on their self-perception. While these women are not overweight or unattractive by societal standards, they find themselves ensnared in a system that makes them believe they are unworthy of genuine affection.

In this setting, The Dating Game vividly illustrates a significant similarity between the male participants at the dating camp and the female counterparts who opt for artificial relationships. Both groups find themselves trapped in an unattainable societal construct: men are conditioned to believe that love is centered around power and tactics, while women are led to think their value is rooted in their physical attractiveness. These inflexible mindsets result in both parties being left unsatisfied, forever chasing something that seems perpetually elusive.

Romance as a Capitalist Enterprise

In the course of the documentary, Du Feng subtly brings attention to the fact that contemporary dating in China has transformed into an industry driven by anxiety and longing. Groups of parents congregate in public spaces to arrange marriages for their grown-offspring. Scenes from various angles showcase the ubiquity of beauty advertisements, dating platforms, and matchmaking agencies, serving as persistent reminders that love is a marketable product, something to be purchased, traded, and enhanced.

The commercialization of dating is particularly noticeable in the actions of dating coaches, who encourage men to approach courtship like a strategic endeavor. At times, their techniques seem more akin to military drills than relationship guidance. This isn’t by chance; the film underscores that China’s PLA (People’s Liberation Army), being the largest military force globally, provides the only genuine opportunity for upward mobility for many men. In China’s class structure, social advancement and love are intricately connected, so for numerous males, finding a wife is as much about establishing their position in society as it is about forming a connection.

A Flawed but Compelling Examination

In the movie titled “The Dating Game“, it does a good job of portraying the ridiculousness and tension found in contemporary dating, but it sometimes falters when implementing these ideas. Instead of further exploring its themes, it tends to repeat them excessively, which gives the middle portion an unchanging feel. Additionally, the score can be annoyingly controlling as it overly emphasizes shifts in tone to control audience emotions instead of letting the subjects’ stories tell themselves.

In spite of its imperfections, Du Feng’s documentary is remarkably thought-provoking, offering a unique blend of dark humor and profound unease. It invites us to ponder challenging questions: How do our perspectives shift when we perceive love as an accomplishment instead of a feeling? And what are the consequences when men view women as puzzles to be deciphered, while women question their own worth in terms of love?

Essentially, The Dating Game isn’t really about romance; it’s about enduring in a system where everyone, male or female, is desperately searching for connection in unlikely spots. This film stays with you even after the ending credits, giving off an uneasy feeling that love, for numerous individuals, is not a decision but a struggle they were destined to lose. The Dating Game was showcased at the 2025 Sundance Film Festival. For more details, check it out here.

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2025-02-06 05:02