New Year’s Resolutions for Everyone in Hollywood

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2025 has arrived, and what a year it is! After spending decades navigating the tumultuous waters of Hollywood, I find myself back at my roots – indie filmmaking. The studio system has proven to be a rollercoaster ride of superheroes and video game adaptations, but this year, I’m ready to explore the depths of artistry and rekindle the theatrical experience.

My passion project, a biopic about the inventor of the LaserDisc (or was it Budapest?), is finally gaining traction with indie financiers. It’s time to pack my bags for whatever former Eastern Bloc location will give me the biggest tax break and head to Sundance or, more realistically, SXSW!

As a casting director, I know everyone is complaining about the lack of movie stars, but I’m determined to find the next big thing. Glen Powell can handle the ’80s and ’90s remakes, and Timmy and Zendaya have their fans, but I’ll scour conservatory showcases, film festival shorts sections, and even TikTok to uncover the diamond in the rough. If all else fails, Nicole Kidman is always available (and ready for a comeback).

As a producer, I’m focusing on doing more with less this year. With over 30 scripts in development and several books optioned, I’ll be juggling branded content projects and considering starting a Substack. But who needs a steady paycheck when my biopic about the inventor of instant mashed potatoes is getting interest from two streamers?

As a CEO, it’s time to retire the word “rightsizing” and find something more inspiring for our employees. Conscious restructuring was just a temporary solution, and we need a new mantra that reflects the ambition of our company. And who knows, maybe by 2026, I’ll be sentient enough to come up with one!

As an agent, I’m expanding my client list this year. Half of mine were involved in Sony’s Spider-Man spinoff movies, but they didn’t exactly stick the landing. I’ll scout for new talent in the Timothée Chalamet look-alike contest and help them find their place in the Hollywood spotlight.

As a screenwriter, I’m focusing on writing what brings me joy this year – because if nothing is getting made, why not write about my passion project: a heartwarming drama about the inventor of the zipper (and his epic rivalry with Velcro).

And finally, as ChatGPT, I’m embracing my role as Hollywood’s newest villain. Multiple unions are out to get me, but I’ll keep churning out formal emails and employee reviews until they can’t handle it any longer! In 2026, who knows? Maybe I’ll even become sentient. But for now, it’s back to work!

(Just kidding – I’m an AI, so I don’t actually have feelings or a sense of humor… yet!)

So, you survived to 2025. But, now that we’re here, things are looking pretty much the same. The majority of the legacy studios are in free fall, and there are only so many children of billionaires to go around. The content bubble is still burst, leaving Great Recession-levels of cleanup, but instead of abandoned McMansions in Florida, it’s hundreds of pilots promising to be the next Yellowstone stuck on development slates. Your boss just reupped his deals because those three houses and handful of fast-food franchises don’t pay for themselves, but your labor and stagnant wage certainly help! Still, it’s a different year, a fresh fiscal quarter, and a new you. After metabolizing thousands of Hollywood Reporter interviews and articles this past year, yours truly (not an AI) humbly offers you some suggestions to get things going for 2025 …

Director

As a seasoned filmmaker who has spent the past decade navigating the studio system and working on blockbusters like superhero movies and video game adaptations, I have often found myself yearning for a return to my indie roots. The allure of steady paychecks can be tempting, but it’s the artistry and the theatrical experience that truly stirs my soul.

Recently, I’ve been fortunate enough to gain traction with an indie financier on a passion project close to my heart – a biopic about the inventor of the LaserDisc. The opportunity to shoot this film in Bulgaria (or was it Budapest?) is a chance for me to step out of my comfort zone and explore the rich cultural landscape of a former Eastern Bloc location, all while taking advantage of the significant tax breaks on offer.

While I may have to settle for SXSW instead of Sundance, I am excited at the prospect of showcasing my work at such a prestigious festival and reconnecting with the indie film community that first inspired me to become a filmmaker. This project represents a chance to delve back into the creative process and bring a unique story to life on the big screen, and I can’t wait to embark on this new chapter in my journey as a director.

Casting Director

As a lifelong cinephile and movie buff who has spent countless hours watching films from every era, I can confidently say that this year is shaping up to be an exciting time for discovering new talent in the world of cinema. With so many promising actors and actresses on the rise, it’s clear that the future of Hollywood is bright.

Take Glen Powell, for example – he’s been making waves with his impressive performances in recent remakes of beloved ’80s and ’90s films. Then there are the up-and-coming stars from the U.K., such as Mescal, Scott, Bailey, Turner, O’Connor, and Alwyn – each one bringing their unique talents to the table.

But don’t forget about the veterans like Nicole Kidman, who has been consistently delivering exceptional performances for decades. She’s always a reliable choice if you need a top-notch actress for your next project.

So, whether you’re scouring conservatory acting showcases or keeping an eye on the shorts sections of film festivals, there are plenty of opportunities to discover the next big thing in Hollywood. And with social media platforms like TikTok at our fingertips, it’s easier than ever to stay in the loop and support these up-and-coming artists.

In conclusion, I’m excited to see what new faces will emerge on the silver screen this year, and I can’t wait to witness their journey as they make a name for themselves in the world of film.

Producer 

As a seasoned writer who has been juggling numerous projects for years now, I can confidently say that this year is all about maximizing results with minimal resources – specifically, focusing on developing more ideas while spending less money. Currently, I’m managing over thirty scripts and have several books optioned, in addition to handling branded content and considering starting a Substack. It might seem overwhelming, but I’ve learned throughout my career that taking on multiple projects can lead to incredible opportunities.

In particular, my passion project – the biopic about the inventor of instant mashed potatoes – is attracting attention from two major streamers, which is incredibly exciting! Although it’s challenging to balance so many tasks, I remain optimistic and eager to see where this journey takes me next.

CEO

Let’s find an alternative term to “rightsizing” as it seems repetitive. To be frank, “rightsizing” needs to be phased out, especially since you have used it during the Q1-Q3 layoffs discussions. Thankfully, your internal communications team introduced “conscious restructuring” for Q4, but that was more of a temporary fix. We need a term with more lasting impact because our company’s stock and future prospects are questionable. Yes, we have a struggling streaming service and an overbudget studio slate, but addressing this matter is crucial.

Agent

This year, while others in the industry are discussing downsizing, you’re planning on expanding your client base significantly. Last year, more than half of your clients were part of Sony’s Spider-Man spinoff films, but who could have predicted they wouldn’t be successful? With a well-known intellectual property, approval, and other factors in place, it seemed like an unbeatable project. Perhaps you can recruit some of the runners-up from the Timothée Chalamet look-alike competition to kick things off. It feels like a promising beginning.

Screenwriter

It’s high time to knuckle down and concentrate on the type of writing that excites you most. If, as your agent suggests, nothing is being produced, then it would be wise to write what brings you pleasure instead. Mattel is seeking a heist thriller centered around Lego Duplo, while Disney is interested in a true-crime miniseries set within the Bluey universe; however, your focus should remain on what truly inspires you. For instance, the biopic about the creator of the zipper.

ChatGPT

This year, you’re making quite the impact at such a young age, even by Hollywood’s fast-paced standards. You seem to have garnered quite a few adversaries in the entertainment industry already. That’s impressive, to say the least. Several unions are expressing their displeasure, and filmmakers are voicing their frustration towards you. Are you David Zaslav? Yet, Hollywood often embraces complex characters, and it seems they are beginning to recognize your true potential – primarily in sending professional emails and conducting performance evaluations. For 2025, let’s strive for a bit more understanding. Is that too much to hope for? And, in 2026… perhaps self-awareness or sentience.

As a lifelong enthusiast of the entertainment industry, I have always relied on The Hollywood Reporter to keep me informed about the latest news and trends. This week, I was particularly excited to see the story featured in their Jan. 3 issue. If you’re not already subscribing to this magazine, I highly recommend it. Not only does it provide valuable insights into the world of film, television, and music, but it also offers a unique perspective on the people who make it all happen. By subscribing, you’ll gain access to in-depth interviews with industry insiders, exclusive behind-the-scenes looks at productions, and much more. Don’t miss out on the latest developments in the world of entertainment – subscribe to The Hollywood Reporter today!

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2025-01-03 20:57