Oh, fortune’s cruel mistress! Barely a whisper of time passed since the onchain oracle, ZachXBT, cast his glance upon the charts, only to find the price of XMR dancing giddily after an audacious theft—3,520 BTC spirited away from a single, doomed soul. By Wednesday, ZachXBT crooked a finger and whispered, “Could it be… some American elder shuffled into this crypto masquerade?”
3,520 BTC Vanishes: Elderly Yank Left Dubious Honor of Richest Victim, XMR Rejoices 🎩🍸
On a Sunday not much different from all the others—save for the thunderous silence on one unsuspecting screen—ZachXBT revealed that a fat stack of 3,520 BTC had quietly become monero (XMR), the coin whose motto may as well be “Mind your own business!” By Wednesday, the investigator, shaking the rust from a weary keyboard, sighed that the coins might’ve belonged to a compatriot of advanced mileage—a Yankee Doodle Grandpa, no less.
“Update: It is confirmed to be a social engineering theft from an elderly individual in the U.S.,” proclaimed the blockchain soothsayer in a post that set X ablaze faster than an unplugged toaster. “An elder holding 3,520 BTC? Damn,” gasped a bemused spectator on X. ZachXBT, quick with a wit sharper than a Moscow winter, chimed back with:
Onchain—the BTC originated from *interesting* sources so, would be curious how they got their wrinkled paws on it in the first place 🤔
Zcash founder Zooko Wilcox-O’Hearn wandered into the digital melee, dragging existential dread behind him. “That’s so sad. Do you know how the attackers were able to target this individual? I figure Bitcoin’s pervasive transparency doesn’t help,” he mused, perhaps clutching a samovar for warmth. ZachXBT replied, stone-faced as a Dostoevsky character who’s just lost his last ruble:
“Usually they find targets from private crypto related dbs (exchanges, services, etc),” he declared.
One must wonder—will we someday tell our grandchildren stories not of fairy-tale wolves, but of blockchains, phishing, and that mysterious American pensioner who lost his keys… and then lost everything else? 🧓🔑💸
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2025-04-30 22:32