It so happened, dear reader, that the eternally capricious Dogecoin (that most illustrious poet among coins, that mischief-maker, that prankster of the crypto-alley!) decided, for reasons known only to fate and perhaps to a handful of oddly dressed speculators in St. Petersburg, to perform a stunt worthy of the town’s wiliest coachmen. 📈
While Bitcoin, that humorless Cossack of a token, sulked in a corner after feeling the icy breath of decline upon its golden brow, Dogecoin soared above the rooftops with a full 63% leap in open interest, leaving everyone from the doorman to the undertaker scratching their heads and nervously counting their rubles.
The figures, declared the meticulously overdressed clerks at Glassnode (may their boots never leak), were not to be laughed at—$1.62 billion, an amount so impressive that even the most miserly landowner in Poltava might consider buying a round of drinks. 🍻
This bizarre “decoupling,” which sounds suspiciously like something you might attempt after one too many glasses of kvass, has set tongues wagging and traders fumbling for their abacuses. Speculation is rampant! Money is being hurled at Dogecoin as though it were the latest theatrical sensation, and everyone’s aunt has a theory. 🐕
Meanwhile, Raoul Pal—who, one imagines, delivers market predictions in the tone of a czar issuing a new tax on cabbage—has prophesied that Bitcoin may yet stage a comeback to outshine its canine rival. But who can tell? Not even the wisest old woman at the market could say where this farce will end!
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2025-05-13 20:08