32 Hilarious Jon Hamm Quotes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud!

Jon Hamm is widely regarded as one of the most distinguished actors of his era, not only due to his Emmy and Golden Globe-winning portrayal of Don Draper in the Mad Men series and other dramatic roles, but also because of his exceptional comedic skills. These talents have been showcased throughout his career as a highly praised host of Saturday Night Live and in numerous humorous TV shows and films. Enjoy some of Jon Hamm’s funniest quotes as we revisit these moments of pure laughter.

“On A Bed Made Of Money” – Mad Men

In the first season of the captivating AMC period drama series “Mad Men,” one defining moment for me as a character comes to life through Jon Hamm’s portrayal of the ’60s ad executive, Don Draper. When confronted about the morality of his profession, which involves weaving lies, I responded with an unforgettable retort that echoes within the halls of television history.

“I’m A Man Of Faith. I Believe In Gosh And His Son, Jeepers…” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Jon Hamm demonstrated his versatility by taking on the role of the unscrupulous, yet eccentric, villain Rev. Richard Wayne Gary Wayne in Netflix’s “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” where he acted alongside his former acting pupil, Ellie Kemper. In this series, as a cult leader on trial, Hamm’s character tries to convince the jury that his actions were based on religious beliefs, but his understanding of deities appears confused or misguided.

“I Believe We Outsource That Sort Of Thing” – Good Omens

In the television adaptation of the satirical fantasy novel “Good Omens,” Jon Hamm brilliantly brought to life a stern portrayal of Gabriel, an archangel. This version of the character showcases the Amazon Prime TV series’ inventive updating of biblical stories. When Michael Sheen’s character Aziraphale asks who summons the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Hamm’s response underscores this creative reinterpretation.

“A Lot Of Guys Come Up To Me And Say That They Totally Identify With Don Draper, Which I’m Pretty Sure Means That They Just Really Wanna Cheat On Their Wife” – Saturday Night Live

In one of his most recognizable traits – encompassing his drinking and smoking habits, along with his knack for creating captivating advertising slogans instantaneously – Don Draper from the series “Mad Men” is arguably most famed as a serial womanizer who consistently strays in relationships. This subject was touched upon during Jon Hamm’s monologue when he hosted “Saturday Night Live” on its second occasion.

“And I Just Refilled The Cans” – Archer

In the final episodes of Season 4 for one of the top-rated animated television series, Archer, Jon Hamm contributed his voice to Captain Hazel “Hank” Murphy – a character initially introduced in the classic animated adventure series, SeaLab 2020, and subsequently spoofed on Sealab 2021. This misguided head of the underwater lab suffers a tragic demise when he is squashed by a soda vending machine, an incident that might have been less fatal if he hadn’t just restocked it moments prior.

“You Are No Longer My Number 3!” – Bridesmaids

In the hilarious and scene-stealing role I played in “Bridesmaids,” I was Ted, who had a purely physical, one-sided relationship with Annie (Kristen Wiig). Though I held a spot among her top three companions, our association came to an end when she decided she’d had enough. In response, I delivered one of the film’s best lines as I drove away.

“They Used Footage Of Me From My High School Swim Team To Draw Prince Eric” – 30 Rock

In an exceptional episode of the TV show “30 Rock,” character Liz Lemon, played by Tina Fey, begins dating Dr. Drew Baird, portrayed by Jon Hamm. This man’s good looks have kept him in a world of blissful obliviousness throughout his life. When she describes him as reminiscent of a “Disney Prince,” he confesses that he was the real-life inspiration for the love interest character in 1989’s “The Little Mermaid,” which is one of the most convincing jokes from the usually outlandish sitcom.

“You Can’t Turn The Interior Of A Car Into A Urinal” – Clear History

As a passionate film aficionado, I found myself captivated by the HBO original movie “Clear History,” released in 2013. In this intriguing tale, Jon Hamm portrays Will Haney, an innovative electric car manufacturer, whose disagreement with marketing executive Nathan (played by Larry David) leads to Nathan abandoning their business deal, a decision he ultimately regrets. One of the main sources of contention between them was Will’s refusal to consider an idea for an in-car device enabling drivers to relieve themselves while on the move – a concept that left both characters at odds.

“I Do Not Sully The Temple Of My Celestial Body With Gross Matter” – Good Omens

As an angel with everlasting life, you might assume that you could indulge in any kind of food without facing any repercussions. Yet, even the self-conscious portrayal of Gabriel the Archangel by Jon Hamm in Good Omens shows hesitation when he witnesses Aziraphale dining at a sushi restaurant.

“Sergio!” Saturday Night Live

In a side-splitting SNL sketch titled “The Curse,” Andy Samberg portrays a businessman whose life spirals out of control due to an enchantment that results in unpredictable, chaotic intrusions from a saxophonist named Sergio (Jon Hamm). The elusive musician’s interruptions culminate when he breaks the barrier between reality and the screen, shouting his name with a vague accent, and a caption appearing at the bottom right corner of the scene.

“Imagine That It Was 2009” – Billy On The Street

In one captivating episode of “Billy on the Street,” I, Jon Hamm, found myself alongside Billy Eichner, engaging passersby in an intriguing discussion: could they imagine entering into a relationship with both of us? Billy jokingly noted my diminished popularity compared to previous years, prompting me to reminisce about a time when I was the undisputed king of Hollywood. To do so, I asked one woman if she remembered a moment when I reigned supreme in the world of entertainment.

“I Don’t Think About You At All” – Mad Men

The most memorable line (or criticism) from Don Draper, as seen in the ‘Dark Shadows’ episode of Mad Men during Season 9, comes when he dismissively tells Michael Ginsberg before exiting an elevator. In response to Ginsberg expressing pity for Don and his arrogant demeanor, Don delivers a cutting remark that leaves no doubt about his opinion of the younger man.

“Everyone Wants To See A Middle-Aged Superman, With The Power Of Handicapped Parking” – Conan

In 2010, there were whispers that Jon Hamm was being considered for the role of Superman. This intriguing possibility was discussed by Conan O’Brien when Hamm appeared on his TBS talk show that year. At the age of 39, Hamm playfully speculated about what a Superman portrayed by him would be like.

“That Rat Was A Devil’s Trick. Just Like When The Devil Made It SOUND Like I Was Arguing With A Pizza Guy About What A Half Hour Means” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

In a humorous scene reminiscent of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, the character Kimmy, who is still in captivity, challenges Jon Hamm’s character, Rev. Richard Wayne Gary Wayne, about proof she uncovered that contradicted his claim that the world had ended. He makes an effort to persuade her that the rat she found was not genuine but a deceitful illusion, similar to when she believed she heard him trying to get a free pizza delivery.

“Thank You For The, Literally, Hundreds Of Opportunities You Have Given Me” – Parks And Recreation

In one of Jon Hamm’s memorable guest appearances, he stars as the most inept individual ever encountered by Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler), named Ed, in the Season 6 finale of “Parks and Recreation”. Upon revealing that he has misplaced a critical document, Leslie swiftly dismisses him, yet he graciously acknowledges her numerous unmerited opportunities.

“‘What’s Up, Hamm Solo?'” – Saturday Night Live

In the humorous skit by Saturday Night Live, they present a fictional casting process for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Many cast members mimic well-known actors, but some celebrities, like Jon Hamm, appear in their real personas. To demonstrate his love for the Star Wars saga, Jon Hamm donned full costume, not as Han Solo portrayed by Harrison Ford, but as an original character he created, similar to Han Solo.

“Would It Be Possible For Me To Be Sent To A Women’s Prison?” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

In the finale of Season 1 of “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” it was a relief to see Jon Hamm’s character, Rev. Richard Wayne Gary Wayne, convicted for his heinous act of trapping me and other young women against our will for his own benefit. As he was led out of the courtroom, he asked to be imprisoned alongside other females – a chilling request that only underscored the depth of his depravity.

“Stay Calm. I Just Need To Shake It Loose” – 30 Rock

In simpler terms, Drew Baird, Liz Lemon’s boyfriend in Season 3 of 30 Rock, likely became a pediatrician based on his appearance rather than his intellect. This is because someone with genuine medical knowledge would have known the Heimlich maneuver instead of thinking that shaking or pushing might be suitable methods for treating choking.

“They’re All Gone. I Had Them Murdered” – The Graham Norton Show

On an episode of the renowned U.K. chat show, “The Graham Norton Show”, Jon Hamm shared a tale about how producers of “Mad Men” initially thought he wasn’t good-looking enough to portray Don Draper. This prompted Charlize Theron to remark sarcastically if they were blind and still active in the industry, which led Hamm to make a witty quip.

“We Should Definitely Start Using The ‘Ambitious Susan'” – Curb Your Enthusiasm

Jon Hamm significantly excelled as one of the top-notch guest stars on “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” showcasing his talent by portraying himself, serving as a researcher for a character modeled after Larry David. Spending extensive time with Larry, he gradually adopted some of his most detestable traits. This is evident when he makes a demeaning joke at another dinner party guest’s expense, following her comment that the term “Lazy Susan” carries racist and misogynistic undertones.

“If You Can Find A Better Place For Pork And Champagne, Keep It To Yourself” – Saturday Night Live

In a humorous twist, “Hamm & Bublé” – often pronounced as “bubbly,” is an exceptional Saturday Night Live sketch. It showcases the host, Jon Hamm, portraying himself, and musical guest Michael Bublé in separate, outstanding sketches. The scene is set up like an ad for a restaurant that specializes in ham and champagne, but in reality, it’s a disguise for a situation where the Canadian singer, Bublé, is secretly being coerced into participating by an amusingly misinformed and overbearing version of Hamm.

“I Was The Number One Dead Horse Removal Service For Local Farmers” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

In one of Jon Hamm’s most humorous portrayals as Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne on Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, he’s seen making an audition tape for The Apprentice. Here, he talks about his thriving business that removes the remains of deceased farm horses. However, he later discloses that some rival businesses grew suspicious when an unusual number of horse deaths occurred in their locality.

“Apparently, I’m Here To Help You Sit Down” – The Greatest Event In Television History

The initial installment of Adult Swim’s four-part mockumentary miniseries titled “The Greatest Event in Television History” depicts Adam Scott and Jon Hamm attempting to replicate the introductory credits of “Simon & Simon“. Unfortunately, their endeavor results in a catastrophe that leads to an unexpected and enigmatic demise of Hamm. In the third episode, following his mysterious passing, Hamm appears as a spirit to aid Scott in overcoming his difficulty in sitting for the recreation of the opening sequence of “Too Close for Comfort“.

“I Can’t Believe You’ve Held Eye Contact This Long, Honestly” – Late Night With Conan O’Brien

In Jon Hamm’s initial chat on Conan O’Brien’s Late Night show (during his final year), the topic of his Hollywood heartthrob status emerged. Playfully, he talked about the necessary “measures” he takes to put people at ease when interacting with him because of his striking good looks. He also praised Conan for his skill in maintaining eye contact.

“Automatically, We Go To Hebrew And Then It’s Gonna Be A Whole Thing” – Keeping Up With The Joneses

In the 2016 spy comedy “Keeping Up with the Joneses”, Jon Hamm and Gal Gadot portray a couple who are secret agents, their undercover lives exposed by their ordinary neighbors, played by Zach Galifianakis and Isla Fisher. It is also revealed that their marriage isn’t as perfect as it seems; at times, Gadot’s character expresses her frustration with her husband in a language he can’t understand when she’s agitated with him.

“She’s A Pirate, Price, And My Jolly Roger Was At Full Mast The Whole Drive Over” – Saturday Night Live

In the “Vincent Price’s Halloween Special” sketch on SNL, Jon Hamm humorously portrays James Mason. He visits the character played by Bill Hader, with Gloria Swanson from Sunset Boulevard in tow. She declares her Halloween costume as a pirate, which elicits an off-color joke from Mason.

“Can You Just Imagine That These Are On You Now?” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

In the TV show “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” during the trial against Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne, the cult leader attempts to deceive everyone in the courtroom through Kimmy. For example, he tries to perform a handcuff escape trick but fails when she is present, instead choosing to test if she will cooperate with his act, which turns out to be unsuccessful.

“If Anyone Wants To Hang, I Will Be At Subway!” – Parks And Recreation

In the Season 7 debut of “Parks and Recreation”, Jon Hamm once again takes on the character of Ed, a role he first played in Season 6. This time around, we witness his departure from City Hall, but not without giving a hint about his new whereabouts – you can find him at a particular restaurant chain, though the exact location remains undisclosed. Keep your eyes peeled for him!

“That’s It! Bite The Head, Gary. Bite The Head Hard!” – Saturday Night Live

In Season 36, “SNL” presented a partially live-action adaptation of “The Ambiguously Gay Duo.” Jon Hamm played the role of Ace, while Jimmy Fallon portrayed Gary. The amusing pre-recorded sketch concluded with an intriguing scene where the duo attempted to vanquish a massive killer eel. To subdue it, Ace grabbed its tail from behind his legs, leaving Gary no choice but to bite off the eel’s head.

“Of Course There Does! Otherwise, How Would We Win It?” – Good Omens

In Good Omens, one pivotal point revolves around Gabriel’s eager pursuit of setting off the Apocalypse, inciting a conflict between angels and demons. However, when Aziraphale humbly appeals against the impending celestial war, he can only manage to express his sentiments briefly.

“My Ponytail Is Cool. God Said So” – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne tries to counter Kimmy Schmidt’s criticism on his hairstyle by asserting that it has divine endorsement from the Highest Power.

“To Be In Star Wars When I Grow Up” – The Tonight Show

On “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon requests words and phrases from Jon Hamm for a round of “Mad Libs Theatre.” In response, he shares a childhood birthday wish while casting a jealous gaze toward Keri Russell, who starred in 2019’s “Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker.

2025-01-27 04:39