As a fan of Patton Oswalt‘s work, I find his humor to be not only hilarious but also deeply relatable. His unique perspective on everyday situations and his knack for finding the absurdity in the mundane make him one of my favorite comedians.
As a die-hard fan, I’ve known him as the hilarious Patton Oswalt – the man who’s made us laugh through his roles as Spence on The King of Queens, Remy in Ratatouille, and an impressive five roles across the Marvel Cinematic Universe (from all four Koenig Brothers to Pip the Troll). But to those who truly appreciate his artistry, he’s simply a gifted comedian who’s bared his soul, triumphs, and thoughts in his stand-up acts for years. We salute his remarkable career by showcasing some of his funniest jokes from his most memorable performances.
“I Just Paid For One Year Of My Daughter’s College, I Did Not Tell A Single Joke, And I’ve Never Made An Audience Happier”
In Oswalt’s 2014 stand-up show titled “Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time“, he reminisces about a time when he was offered an inappropriately large sum to perform at a casino. However, the crowd was heavily intoxicated and disorderly, preventing him from delivering his act. Instead, for approximately thirty minutes, he merely stood on stage as the audience shouted out movie and TV show titles that they recognized him from.
“That’s Right, Our Songs Will Match The Sound Of The Scream Trapped In Your Throat, Dad!”
In the popular Netflix stand-up special “I Love Everything” from 2019, Oswalt reminisces about his time working for a wedding DJ company that continued using cassettes even when CDs had become widespread. He humorously likens the poor audio quality to the frustrated noises these brides’ fathers might have made during their dances at the receptions of pregnant brides.
“Aging Isn’t Bad If You Don’t Take It Personally… Pretend You’re Jeff Goldblum In The Fly…”
2022’s “We All Scream” finds Oswalt likening the process of growing older to the transformation Jeff Goldblum’s character experiences in David Cronenberg’s 1986 horror movie classic, “The Fly.” In essence, he advises embracing the situation much like Goldblum’s character did when he began transforming into a human-insect hybrid – by jotting down any humorous alterations as they occur.
“‘My Skeleton Is Going To Come Out Of My Body!'”
One day, while watching a werewolf movie called “The Wolfman” on TV with his young daughter, Oswalt decided to play an episode of “Schoolhouse Rock”, specifically the song “Them Bones”, to ward off any nightmares for his child. However, instead of helping, the educational tune about bones ended up scaring her as she cried out in fear and ran into his room later that night.
“I Want To Apologize To Anybody That I Ever Made Fun Of For Wearing Sweatpants In Public”
During his 2011 comedy special titled “Finest Hour,” on Showtime, Patton Oswalt confesses that he was mistaken in judging people who wore sweatpants outside. Instead, he now views them as nothing short of a marvel and the epitome of human achievement.
“You Pass The Age Of 50 And Then, Suddenly, Everything’s Fatal”
At the 2022 Netflix is a Joke Festival, Oswalt shares an anecdote about injuring himself by slipping off a curb. He admits that injuries seem to happen more frequently to him as he gets older. This conversation then transitions into a tale about his friend Glenn Howerton, star of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, who broke his collarbone while snowboarding. Oswalt expresses admiration for Howerton’s injury story, wishing his own were as cool.
“Every Animal In The Circus Openly Doesn’t Wants To Be There Or Wants To Murder You”
In a comedic sketch, Oswalt ponders how pitching a circus concept today might seem eerie as he describes it. A huge tent on the edges of your town, housing captive animals and men adorned in vibrant clothing and white face paint, appears less enticing for family entertainment when contemplated thoroughly.
“We Were Not Love Wizards, We Were Divorce Necromancers”
In the movie “I Love Everything“, he recounts an experience where his former boss called them “love enchanters”, implying that their work would bring a lifetime of joy to the newlyweds. However, in reality, most of the couples they served didn’t have long-term relationships.
“It’s Like I Am Legend But You Can Get A Sandwich”
Patton’s way of expressing his Los Angeles Christmas adventure is by stating that the city appears deserted, which suits him perfectly. He also recounts an anecdote from that time when he and his brother attended a screening of the iconic ’90s film, “Jerry Maguire,” on Christmas Eve. Notably, his brother humorously echoed Tom Cruise’s cynical remark about the world with a witty curse word during the movie.
“I’m So Afraid That Some Kid’s Going To Come To The Door As Remy And, Just Out Of Enthusiasm, I’m Gonna Go, ‘You’re Inside Of Me Right Now'”
This is Oswalt’s way of explaining why his role Ratatouille has ruined Halloween for him forever.
“Hiking Is For Trudging Defeatedly”
In a segment from “I Love Everything“, Oswalt expresses that his approach to nature walks contrasts significantly with those of a younger generation, who appear to treat the activity as a more intense workout rather than leisurely exploration.
“My Daughter Has Made My Depression Way More Creative”
In the segment from “Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time“, Oswalt explains how fatherhood serves as a valuable ally in his struggle against depression, making it necessary for his depression to come up with more creative strategies. To illustrate this point, he shares an instance where he encountered a tempting Lean Cuisine dish but opted for a less appealing meal with fewer preparation steps instead.
“It Looked Like Danny DeVito In A Rat Costume”
As a gamer, I’ve never encountered a rodent quite as enormous as the one I once spotted, making me do a double-take. Oswalt swears he’s seen something similar when he talks about the humongous rat scampering along power lines outside his house. He even hinted that Danny DeVito, who played the Penguin in ‘Batman Returns’, could have been disguised as this colossal critter.
“Is Cursive Writing Magic?”
It’s clear that Oswalt doesn’t think that writing cursive has any supernatural power. But it certainly appears that way, considering how much prestige is attached to beautifully printing one’s name – a rite of passage that seems almost magical, as it’s often required before you can claim ownership of a house, car, and so on.
“I Have A Theory About Jesus…”
In “I Love Everything,” Oswalt proposes an intriguing idea: instead of a single individual, the Son of Man might be a collective of people who lived during that period and carried out the remarkable deeds attributed to them in the Bible. This concept is inspired by his personal practice of attributing memorable stories from his past to a single figure named Craig.
“You Take Ambien, Go In The Vestibule, All The Doors Open Up”
Oswalt imaginatively compares the origin of dreams to an entrance hall filled with various doors, each opening onto a stage where unique troupes enact different forms of subconscious experiences. This whimsical analogy serves as an introduction to his discussion about what it feels like to use the insomnia treatment drug, Ambien.
“It Looks Like They Took The Head And Legs Off Of A Jack Russell Terrier And Then Found A Beaver Carcass And Filled It Waffle Batter And Ball Bearings…”
In Netflix’s “Talking for Clapping,” Oswalt initially talks about their family dog, describing how it has difficulty moving around the house and is prone to attacking things, only to retreat in fear when it recognizes that its parents have raised it similarly.
“Denny’s Is Where You End Up After A Series Of Bad Decisions And Catastrophic Twists Of Fate”
As my little one proclaims her desire to hit up “America’s Diner” for our special daddy-daughter day, I propose we swing by for a bite and then head out to shoot some hoops later. But let me clarify, Denny’s isn’t just a pit stop en route to somewhere else; it’s the final destination after an eventful journey, you know?
“… Make Sure All Your Family Members Are Healthy Before You Decide To Go, ‘I’m Gonna Make The Ringtone A Fart'”
Following his account of the repairman’s quacking phone, Oswalt elucidates his viewpoint that amusing alert sounds are acceptable for a limited period, but receiving an unfunny call eventually renders them inappropriate.
“There’s No Kirby”
In “I Love Everything,” I found myself in a pickle when I engaged a questionable yet proficient contractor to adorn my walls with some new paperwork. This fellow would frequently air his grievances about the task at hand to Kirby, whom I presumed was his partner. To my surprise, Daniel, not Kirby, was the partner’s name, and it turned out that the subcontractor was actually yakking away to an imaginary friend named Kirby throughout the day. However, when the wallpaper job was finally done, it was all worth the trouble.
“How Does The Whiplash Feel Watching Reality [Wizzing] All Over Satire Every Day?”
During his 2017 Netflix special, Annihilation, Oswalt chatted with an Onion writer seated front and center. Curious, he couldn’t help but wonder what it felt like for someone who creates satire to exist in a reality where politics can be more bizarre than any fictional tale.
“‘I Died For Your Sins, But Those Pumps Are Unforgivable'”
In Oswalt’s comedy routine on New Song’s holiday song “Christmas Shoes,” he humorously argues that it’s doubtful Jesus would be preoccupied with a mom’s footwear if she were to pass away that night, as portrayed in the lyrics. Towards the end of his critique, Oswalt suggests an unintended implication in the song’s message: it seems to imply that God intentionally made the boy’s mother terminally ill just so they could meet at a store during the holiday season, which conveys a troubling perspective on the true meaning of Christmas.
“Here’s The Note Verbatim. First Line: ‘Stop’… Second Line: “Get Out Of Your Car”… Third Line: ‘Walk To The Park Bench In Front Of You”… Last Line: ‘I Love You'”
Patton remembers an incident where he and his wife, Meredith Salenger, had a dispute. Instead of addressing it directly, he chose to go for a hike. Upon returning to his car, he found a note on the windshield that initially scared him. However, the last line eased his fear as it was clearly from his wife. The first three lines, however, felt like “a prolonged terrifying journey towards ‘I love you'”.
“At Best, Bruce Wayne Would Have Grown Up To Be Gotham City’s Most Annoying Slam Poet”
As a devoted admirer of “Annihilation,” I often ponder over the feasibility of a figure like Bruce Wayne transforming into the masked, extraordinarily skilled vigilante known as Batman. In the realm of reality, I envision him expressing his childhood trauma through some trendy, artistic avenue – perhaps he’d be a renowned hipster artist instead.
“Help Sugar Bat Get To His Insulin”
In the show “I Love Everything“, Oswalt discusses the kind of amusing items he used to find on his cereal box, like intriguing games such as a maze that required guiding the product’s animal mascot to a life-saving prescription. However, once he entered his middle age, his breakfast transformed into something quite serious and routine.
“Every Major Holiday, I Live In Fear That This Polish Woman Of Doom Is Gonna [Appear]”
As a gamer, I found myself immersed in a grim narrative when Oswalt opened up about life post his wife Michelle McNamara’s demise. One Mother’s Day stands out vividly, as a gate agent at a Polish airport unexpectedly hit my daughter with her own struggles following the loss of her mom. He went on to describe terrifying situations like bumping into this woman and hearing more heart-wrenching tales while taking my daughter trick-or-treating or shopping for gifts at the mall during Christmas.
“… People That Write The Obituaries Either Want To Be P.R. People Or They’re Failed P.R. People”
In the episode of Comedy Central Presents, Oswalt points out a common practice among obituary writers: they tend to put a positive spin on how their subjects passed away, such as calling their struggle with cancer a “valiant battle” instead of simply acknowledging that they died from it. Later, he humorously expresses his concern that someone might write in his obituary that he enjoyed laughing, which would be similar to stating that the deceased had a constant craving for food throughout their life.
“The Only Reason To Visit Florida Is To Identify Your Daughter’s Dead Body”
In his work, “Tragedy Plus Comedy Equals Time“, Oswalt expresses strong dislike towards Florida. He goes as far as to propose a revised state flag featuring a surprised-looking couple meeting with a coroner, while a lively flamingo donning sunglasses is situated in the lower corner.
“Come On Down To Captain Covid’s Alpha-Male Only Buffet!”
During his 2022 Netflix show titled “We All Scream,” he points out an interesting observation: despite a global pandemic, attractions such as cruise ships and buffets remain in high demand. He proposes that buffets might reemerge symbolically, serving as a form of countercultural or anti-liberal expression.
“‘My Skin’s Going To Hit Skin At One Velocity Or Another Tonight…'”
In the novel “Annihilation,” he reminisces about a confrontation he once observed. This altercation began when a man, as he perceived it, sought romance but found none, and instead of channeling his energy into emotional connections, he opted for physical conflict instead.
“When Will People Learn That You Have To Make It Clear That You’re Supposed To Pay To Get Into A Historic Landmark Like The Anne Frank House So That People Like Me Need Not Live In Fear?”
In a segment of “Comedy Central Presents,” Oswalt shares a passage from his journal, which he wrote when he accidentally visited the Anne Frank House without payment and had to secretly hide inside it.
“At Barely-A-Clown Productions…”
In “Talking For Clapping,” Oswalt narrates a tale about an extremely lackluster clown who, instead of promptly arriving at a child’s birthday party, emerged from the forest an hour late. He humorously suggests that the clown was sourced from “Barely-A-Clown Productions,” and envisions their slogan as, “We scout out the most apathetic residents of Silverlake and pay them $50 to momentarily put aside their David Foster Wallace novels, stroll at a relaxed pace towards your child’s birthday or celebration.”
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2024-08-13 21:38