As someone who has spent years poring over film critiques and analyzing the works of great directors, I must say that 2024 seems to have been a challenging year for the Shyamalan family. While Saleka made her mark in the pop music world with her dad’s latest movie, Trap, it was Ishana Night Shyamalan who took the plunge into filmmaking with The Watchers.
There are plenty of contenders when it comes to identifying the most dismal movies of the year. The rise of streaming platforms has seemingly unleashed a continuous flow of critically panned films that quickly gain views and then vanish from the algorithmic radar forever. Titles like “Lift,” “Atlas,” and “Trigger Warning” might have slipped your mind, and it’s possible even their stars – Kevin Hart, Jennifer Lopez, and Jessica Alba – have forgotten them too. However, it can seem a bit unfair to criticize movies that have already been consigned to obscurity. When selecting the year’s worst films, one should aim for more notable targets instead.
There are few experiences as demoralizing as watching some of our brightest stars and biggest directors waste their time on lackluster material, yet year after year, there are a handful of examples of just that. No one sets out to make a bad movie, but even the most talented among us stumble every once in a while. And when the mighty fall, they fall hard. Here are the worst movies of 2024, based on Rotten Tomatoes scores, box office numbers, and everything in between.
Argylle
Cast: Henry Cavill, Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Dua Lipa, Samuel L. Jackson
Director: Matthew Vaughn
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 139 minutes
Where to watch: Apple TV+
The “Argylle” movie promotions centered around a mystery: Who is the genuine Agent Argylle? While the character is a star of Bryce Dallas Howard’s fictional spy novel series, it turns out that there might be a real Agent Argylle in existence, causing the story to mirror its author’s next book. However, the trailers built anticipation for this twist, only for it to be revealed years earlier through a tweet about the project. Despite this early spoiler, viewers showed little interest in discovering the true identity of Agent Argylle by the time the underwhelming and unsuccessful film finally debuted.
Critics showed even less excitement towards the box office bomb than viewers did. Directed by Matthew Vaughn, who is known for “Kingsman”, this film boasted stars like Henry Cavill, Sam Rockwell, Dua Lipa, and Samuel L. Jackson. However, Jake Coyle of The Associated Press noted that it had “plenty of plot twists to make a daytime soap appear modest,” and concluded that despite its star-studded cast, it lacked substance.
Borderlands
Cast: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Arianna Greenblatt, Jamie Lee Curtis
Director: Eli Roth
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 101 minutes
Where to watch: Available to rent or buy via VOD
It’s safe to say that there aren’t many excellent films based on video games, and unfortunately, “Borderlands” isn’t one of them. This film can be likened to a blend of “Guardians of the Galaxy” and “Mad Max,” focusing on an assortment of unconventional characters led by bounty hunter Lilith, portrayed by Cate Blanchett. The story unfolds on the chaotic planet Pandora. Eli Roth, known for his horror films like “Hostel” and “Cabin Fever,” directed this production as an attempt to expand into more mainstream genres. However, following the lukewarm reception from both critics and audiences – with some even labeling it a dull journey through the wasteland – it seems Roth may need some time before he picks up the fake blood again.
The underperformance of the movie seems particularly glaring when compared to recent video game adaptations such as “The Last of Us” and “Fallout,” which are revolutionizing the genre in captivating ways. In the opinion of David Fear from Rolling Stone, it’s a regrettable squandering of time, skill, and digital resources. Even the enjoyment derived from watching Blanchett handle firearms and fight doesn’t manage to make up for it.
The Crow
Cast: Bill Skarsgård, FKA Twigs, Danny Huston
Director: Rupert Sanders
Rating: R
Runtime: 111 minutes
Where to watch: Available to rent or buy via VOD
Restating in a more conversational tone: It seems almost sacrilegious to remake “The Crow,” given how swiftly the new version disappeared. The 1994 film, featuring a rockstar resurrected to avenge his girlfriend’s murder, was indelibly linked to Brandon Lee, who tragically passed away during production when a prop gun malfunctioned. Bill Skarsgård steps into the shoes of Lee, trying hard to honor the deceased actor while putting his own spin on the role. However, as critics noted, even such efforts couldn’t salvage this box office flop.
Instead of reimagining James O’Barr’s graphic novel in a fresh and innovative way for the modern era, ‘The Crow’ appears to lack motivation other than capitalizing on its brand recognition, as stated by Meagan Navarro from Bloody Disgusting: “Rather than presenting a captivating new vision, ‘The Crow’ offers a perplexing, unengaging journey through a fragmented dreamscape of comic book cinema.
The Front Room
Starring: Brandy, Andrew Burnap, Neal Huff, Kathryn Hunter
Directors: Max Eggers, Sam Eggers
Rating: R
Runtime: 94 minutes
Where to watch: Available to rent or buy via VOD
The A24 horror movie series has achieved self-branding status due to hits like “Hereditary,” “Pearl,” and “Talk to Me.” However, not even the most skilled hitters can avoid a strikeout sometimes, as demonstrated by “The Front Room.” In this film, Brandy portrays Belinda, an anthropology professor who is pregnant and whose husband has passed away. Afterwards, her mother-in-law Solange (played by Kathryn Hunter) moves in. While dealing with the challenges of caring for a nearly invalid elderly relative can be daunting, it’s nothing compared to the bizarre events that transpire once Solange arrives.
The film titled “The Front Room” was helmed by directors Max and Sam Eggers. Notably, their sibling, Robert Eggers, has risen to prominence in the independent horror genre with movies like “The Witch” and “Nosferatu”. One might expect a similar style from this duo given Robert’s success, but it appears that their work has diverged somewhat. Critical reception was lukewarm at best, with Tomris Laffly of Variety labeling it as a “harsh, exploitative portrayal of witches”.
Harold and the Purple Crayon
Starring: Zachary Levi, Lil Rel Howery, Jemaine Clement, Tanya Reynolds, Zooey Deschanel
Director: Carlos Saldanha
Rating: PG
Runtime: 90 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
The production of “Harold and the Purple Crayon” took two years to complete, with filming starting in spring 2022. However, considering the mixed reactions from critics and viewers, it might have been more prudent to leave it on the shelf. Based on Crockett Johnson’s beloved children’s book, this adaptation presents Harold (portrayed by Zachary Levi) as a grown man who uses his purple crayon to navigate the real world, picking up life lessons along the way.
In this live-action/animated film, the intention seems to be a contemporary reinterpretation of the movie “Elf,” featuring Zooey Deschanel cast as a widowed mother, and Benjamin Bottani as her son who develops a friendship with Harold. However, according to Katie Walsh from the Los Angeles Times, Levi’s performance is not comparable to that of Will Ferrell. In her words, “There’s an unsettling quality to his acting in this film,” she wrote, “with constant grinning and exaggerated expressions that come across as insincere.
Hellboy: The Crooked Man
Cast: Jack Kesy, Jefferson White, Adeline Rudolph
Director: Brian Taylor
Rating: R
Runtime: 99 minutes
Where to watch: Available to rent or buy via VOD
Have you heard that a new “Hellboy” reboot came out this year? Despite the disappointing remake from 2019 featuring David Harbour, it seems that Hollywood didn’t learn its lesson. In this iteration, Jack Kesy takes on the role of the giant red demon with a golden heart, who collaborates with a secret U.S. government agency to eliminate a coven of witches residing in the Appalachian Mountains.
Mike Mignola’s Dark Horse comic was an ideal fit for Guillermo del Toro, a renowned director known for creating dark fantasy films suitable for mature audiences. The success of his two “Hellboy” movies can be attributed to del Toro’s creative input. Conversely, the films produced without his involvement fell short. The movie “Hellboy: The Crooked Man,” reportedly made on a tight budget, was criticized heavily due to its poor script and uninspired performances by the cast, as Leslie Felperin of The Guardian put it, “even with an increased budget, nothing could compensate for the script’s lackluster quality or the lethargic expressions of the actors.
Here
Cast: Tom Hanks, Robin Wright, Paul Bettany, Kelly Reilly
Director: Robert Zemeckis
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 104 minutes
Where to watch: Available to rent or buy via VOD
The film “Here,” which brought back together the main creative team behind the Academy Award-winning “Forrest Gump” – director Robert Zemeckis, screenwriter Eric Roth, and stars Tom Hanks and Robin Wright – generated a lot of interest due to its unique premise. However, this adaptation of Richard McGuire’s graphic novel, which explores centuries of history from a single fixed location, fell short of the expectations set by its esteemed cast.
Recently, Robert Zemeckis has been putting more emphasis on technological aspects rather than storytelling. Despite the film’s impressive technical abilities, these can’t make up for its weaknesses in narrative. The movie centers around various families (including a few dinosaurs) living in the same house across generations, but it ended up being both critically and financially unsuccessful. As Alison Willmore from Vulture put it, “The decision to view the world from a fixed spatial point is daring,” she wrote, “but unfortunately, it’s solely aimed at creating an overpowering amount of sentimentality for this year.
Joker: Folie a Deux
Cast: Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga, Brendan Gleeson, Catherine Keener, Zazie Beetz
Director: Todd Phillips
Rating: R
Runtime: 138 minutes
Where to watch: Available to rent or buy via VOD
In the wake of the extraordinary success of the original “Joker”, no cost was held back in its sequel’s production. However, even with an endless amount of funds, “Joker: Folie à Deux” struggled so profoundly with critics and audiences that the idea of a third film seems impossible to comprehend. If the first “Joker” drew inspiration from “Taxi Driver” and “The King of Comedy”, this musical set in New York City where Arthur Fleck (played by Joaquin Phoenix) develops romantic feelings for Lee Quinzel (Lady Gaga), during his trial for his killing spree, seems to owe a debt not just to the film “New York, New York”, but also to the finale of the “Seinfeld” TV series.
The new film “Folie à Deux” seems to be a stark contrast and a subtle rejection of its predecessor, much like a cinematic gesture of defiance towards the audience who made “Joker” a box-office sensation, raking in $1 billion globally, and the award committees who honored it with numerous accolades. In his review for The Wall Street Journal, Kyle Smith compared it to another Todd Phillips franchise, stating that the decline in quality from the groundbreaking “Joker,” a true innovation in comic-book movies, to this one is as drastic as the fall between “The Hangover” and “The Hangover Part II.
Madame Web
Cast: Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O’Connor, Tahar Rahim
Director: S.J. Clarkson
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 116 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
Before the release of “Madame Web”, a rather awkward line from its trailer gained widespread attention online. Even if you haven’t watched this film criticized by many, you’ve probably heard Dakota Johnson utter, “He was in the Amazon with my mom when she was studying spiders just before she passed away.” It’s possible that “Madame Web” will earn a spot as a cult classic, with audiences shouting this line back at the screen during viewings. However, due to its poor box office performance, it seems unlikely that this origin story about Cassandra Webb (Johnson), a clairvoyant paramedic who protects three future Spider-Women (Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O’Connor) from an evil explorer (Tahar Rahim), will expand into a full-fledged franchise.
As a devoted fan, I can’t help but express my thoughts on the recent movie “Madame Web.” With an ending that borders on the absurd and a tenuous link to the Spider-Verse, it seems to underscore the decline of the once-thriving superhero movie genre. In fact, only one film slated for 2024 – “Deadpool and Wolverine” – managed to shine brightly among its peers.
Red One
Cast: Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans, Lucy Liu, J.K. Simmons
Director: Jake Kasdan
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 123 minutes
Where to watch: Prime Video and in theaters
There’s a compelling reason why Dwayne Johnson might be eager to produce “Red One” – it has the potential for long-term financial gains spanning decades. However, given that it hasn’t managed to gross over $100 million at the domestic box office, it seems unlikely that it will become an annual holiday tradition for many families. Moreover, the reviews suggest that it didn’t exactly set the world alight with excitement.
As a gamer, I was all geared up for this holiday blockbuster, where the big boss of the North Pole security (Johnson) teams up with a bounty hunter (Chris Evans) to rescue Santa Claus (J.K. Simmons) from kidnappers. But before it even hit the screens, the movie was drowning in negative buzz due to Johnson’s reported antics on set, which supposedly jacked up the budget to an eye-watering $250 million. Putting that controversy aside, there’s just too much glitter without a solid plot in this festive flop. As Zachary Lee from RogerEbert.com aptly put it, “It’s like receiving a flashy package with no real gift inside,” making it the worst Christmas gift one could imagine.
Salem’s Lot
Cast: Lewis Pullman, Makenzie Leigh, Alfre Woodard, John Benjamin Hickey, Bill Camp
Director: Gary Dauberman
Rating: R
Runtime: 113 minutes
Where to watch: Max
In the realm of American cinema, it’s almost inevitable to find adaptations of Stephen King’s novels. It seems like there’s hardly a book by him that hasn’t been translated onto our screens, in various manners more than once. The 1975 horror novel “Salem’s Lot” has experienced this trend, having been adapted thrice: initially as a miniseries in 1979, then again in 2004 as another miniseries, and most recently as a feature film that premiered on Max this year. Despite the moderate critical reception to this latest adaptation, there’s a chance we might witness another version in the future.
Lewis Pullman portrays Ben Mears, an author seeking inspiration for a novel based on his childhood in Jerusalem’s Lot, his hometown. Instead of finding inspiration, he encounters a vampire terrorizing the townsfolk. As reviewed by Jacob Oller from The A.V. Club, “‘Salem’s Lot” isn’t catastrophic, but it lacks the life and vigor that made the original story great, leaving it feeling weak and anemic.” In this era of exceptional horror productions, mere competence is no longer enough to stand out.
Slingshot
Starring: Casey Affleck, Laurence Fishburne, Emily Beecham, Tomer Capone, David Morrissey
Director: Mikael Håfström
Rating: R
Runtime: 108 minutes
Where to watch: Available to rent or buy via VOD
“Slingshot
This production seems to have the potential for an exciting sci-fi suspense, but it proved as dull as a snooze in a hibernation chamber instead. The film was met with minimal interest and empty theaters, following its lackluster critical reception. Richard Whittaker of The Austin Chronicle commented that “regrettably, even Affleck couldn’t fill the emptiness between the repetitive plot points, and the frustrating succession of unnecessary twists and character revelations that eroded any sense of empathy for the characters.
Tarot
Cast: Harriet Slater, Adain Bradley, Avantika
Directors: Spenser Cohen, Anna Halberg
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 92 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
Horror films consistently prove profitable, irrespective of their quality, as demonstrated by this year’s film “Tarot.” Despite poor critical reception, dedicated fans of the genre didn’t shy away, indicating that they weren’t particularly enthusiastic about sharing it with others. The plot is straightforward: a group of attractive young adults meddle with a tarot deck and inadvertently summon an evil entity that eliminates them one by one. This premise is reminiscent of numerous horror productions, from “A Nightmare on Elm Street” to “Final Destination,” although the execution in “Tarot” is notably poor compared to most instances.
According to Anna Bogutskaya from Empire, “Tarot” is a chilling tale that pays little attention to characters or storyline, focusing solely on delivering brutal killings. Sadly, these killings lack the necessary impact to compensate for this shortcoming.
Unfrosted
Cast: Jerry Seinfeld, Melissa McCarthy, Jim Gaffigan, Hugh Grant, Amy Schumer
Director: Jerry Seinfeld
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 97 minutes
Where to watch: Netflix
God only knows what compelled Jerry Seinfeld to make “Unfrosted,” save for his lifelong love of breakfast cereal. Perhaps he felt he needed a greater creative challenge in his post-“Seinfeld” days than simply grabbing coffee with comedians in cars. Either way, his big-budget satire that portrays the creation of the Pop-Tart with all of the importance of the space race is a perplexing enterprise indeed.
The show “Unfrosted” boasts an abundance of talent, with nearly every popular comedy actor appearing to work for the duo who revolutionized sitcoms (Larry David being one of them). Regrettably, the humor – which is scattered to start with – feels as dull as a leftover breakfast pastry. Critics were harsh in their review of Seinfeld’s directorial debut; David Ehrlich of IndieWire described it as “the cinematic equivalent of a child haphazardly combining every cereal from their parents’ pantry into a giant bowl, hoping that a splash of milk will miraculously create a harmonious blend of flavors.
The Watchers
Cast: Dakota Fanning, Georgina Campbell, Olwen Fouéré, Oliver Finnegan
Director: Ishana Night Shyamalan
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 102 minutes
Where to watch: Max
2024 marked a significant year for the Shyamalan family, as it saw two of M. Night Shyamalan’s daughters stepping into the spotlight with their film debuts. Singer-songwriter Saleka graced the screen as a pop star in her father’s production, “Trap,” while Ishana Night Shyamalan, her sister, embarked on her directorial journey with “The Watchers.” Despite the less-than-favorable critical reception of Ishana’s movie, she can find solace in her father’s career trajectory and understand that there is always potential for growth.
In my gaming world, I’d say: “Diving into ‘The Watchers’, I found myself right at home in M. Night Shyamalan’s signature style. Here, Dakota Fanning portrays Mina, a young artist caught in the Irish wilderness, seeking shelter in a cabin with three strangers – Georgina Campbell, Olwen Fouéré, and Oliver Finnegan. Together, they endure the terrors of enigmatic beasts. Just like his films, it’s all about building tension and delivering a jaw-dropping twist ending, along with some writing decisions that have been both praised and criticized. Critic Colleen Morrissey of The Chicago Reader commented, ‘Ishana might be destined for a successful horror career if she can steer clear of the storytelling pitfalls of her father.’
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2024-12-13 22:31