Crypto exchange eXch denies Bybit laundering accusations

“Crypto Shenanigans: Accused, Denied, and Laundered! 🚀🧐”

Ah, the crypto realm—where millions vanish like a magician’s act, only with far fewer rabbits and far more allegations. The notorious crypto den eXch, smelling of ether and suspicion, has dared to deny any involvement in laundering Bybit’s ill-fated fortune. Quelle surprise! Everyone denies everything these days, don’t they? 😏

The plot, thick as a Victorian novel and twice as absurd, began with blockchain sleuth ZachXBT, whose name is possibly more rebranded than any crypto token. On February 22, he waved the proverbial red flag, declaring eXch as the laundromat of choice for $35 million in stolen digital treasure. Of course, amid this cloak-and-dagger drama, someone managed to send 34 Ethereum (ETH) to the wrong address. Truly, thieves these days could use a GPS. 🧭

Adding to this delightful comedy of errors, Nick Bax of the Security Alliance chimed in with his own literary flourish, estimating that eXch merrily processed $30 million in North Korean-bound crypto shenanigans. “Nothing to see here,” said the orchestra on the sinking ship. 🎻

“By my estimate, eXch did about $30M of volume for DPRK today. Curious to see how long they can keep this up.
If you use eXch… don’t be surprised when any service with a compliance program starts doing enhanced due diligence on your source of funds.”
— Nick Bax.eth (@bax1337) February 22, 2025

Meanwhile, security firm SlowMist pointed its own accusatory finger (while brandishing a monocle, we imagine) and claimed that Ether had already been magically transformed into Bitcoin, Monero, and other mysterious potions of the cryptoverse through eXch. 🕵️‍♂️

But fear not, dear reader, for eXch broke its poetic silence on February 23—arguably with the eloquence of a bad romance novel—and confessed to handling a mere “small portion” of the loot. An “isolated incident,” they murmured, regarding it with all the sincerity of a cat caught with its paw in the caviar tin. Fear not again, though, for the fees from such transactions would go unto the public’s benevolent arms. Slow clap, eXch. 👏

On the other side of this theatrical stage stands Bybit—a paragon of rectitude—teaming up with blockchain forensic experts and dangling a tempting 10% bounty for any heroic retrievers of the stolen riches. (How noble of them to share, truly!)

This sordid little affair has, of course, been traced back to everyone’s favorite shadowy organization—North Korea’s Lazarus Group. With a track record dirtier than London’s 19th-century air, this ensemble has laundered over $200 million in crypto. Their method? Swapping uncooperative tokens for blockchain-native assets, and slicing up the pie into wallets—like Robin Hood’s less altruistic cousin, distributing stolen goods with finesse and flair. 🤑

Elliptic, the vigilant blockchain analytics firm, gracefully waltzed onto the scene to explain how the stolen trove, immediately swapped for ETH, then twirled merrily through Tornado Cash mixers and over 50 wallets. A digital masquerade ball, if you will, wherein even Sherlock Holmes would beg for a blockchain manual. 🕵️‍♀️

As of February 23, it seems our adventurous Ether has already begun its metamorphosis into Bitcoin—a step which will, no doubt, be followed by more convoluted dances, perhaps this time through mixers even Dickens couldn’t pen. Alas, the sheer bulk of assets might render even the wittiest schemer a tad overburdened. Perhaps the moral of the story is this: crime must pay… but does it also accrue gas fees? 💰

2025-02-24 13:29

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