Crypto Catastrophe: Trump’s Tariffs & Tumult in Digital Wonderland! 😱💥

One finds oneself in a most preposterous situation: frantic selling, as if at a garden party gone awry, provoked by the notorious tariffs of that indomitable Mr. Trump. The digital milieu—once a bastion of modern marvel—is now a veritable madhouse, with BTC and its motley crew of altcoins suffering losses of a magnitude that would make even the most jaded aristocrat raise an amused eyebrow. 😏

The whole market cap, once a princely sum, has plummeted to a dismal multi-month nadir under $2.5 trillion on CG, a state of affairs so absurd one might be tempted to laugh—were it not so dreadfully tragic.

BTC’s Commendable Collapse

Our intrepid lead, BTC, performed a curious dance this week: from a fleeting high of $88,500 midweek following a modest start at $81,500 on Monday, it flirted with the comfort of an $80,000 barricade before succumbing to a most unceremonious decline. After a serene Saturday, it tumbled to a monthly low of $77,000 on a rather ungentle Asian morning.

As the Europeans joined this farcical carnival, BTC sank to just over $74,000—its worst price in five long months. One might suppose that, should the US markets throw their weight around, even more chaotic fluctuations await us. 😱

For the poor chap that is bitcoin now, the market cap languishes at a sorrowful $1.5 trillion, with a meager recovery to $76,000. Its ascendancy over the trembling altcoins has soared to a remarkable 60.7%, a final, bitter twist in this operatic collapse.

Bitcoin Chart

The Spectacular Freefall of Altcoins

The other players, the altcoins, are in a state of pitiable disrepair. Most have crumbled with single-digit declines—a saving grace only afforded to a stout fellow like BNB—while ETH and XRP, among others, fall in the 15–8% range. One can almost picture them as downtrodden partygoers at a once grand ball now fallen on hard times.

Altcoin Chart

Notable casualties include KCS (-22%), LTC (-20%), AAVE (-19%), MOVE (-17.5%), UNI (-17.5%), et al., all contributing to the erasure of nearly $300 billion from the grand crypto tapestry in a single day—a performance as breathtaking as it is disastrous. 😜

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2025-04-07 11:53