Ah, Bitcoin—our digital trickster—danced gaily past $85,500, only to pirouette in panic as Jerome Powell, that austere wizard of the Fed, unveiled the grim prophecy of tariffs turning trade into a snarled knot of uncertainty.
With prophetic solemnity reported by CNBC, Powell intoned that a sudden tidal wave of goods fleeing tariffs could smother our dear GDP estimates, like a too-crowded rush-hour subway on a Monday morning.
The gloomy conundrum for the Fed? To choke inflation or to coax growth—pick thy poison, dear economists, as Powell mused with the delicacy of a tightrope walker juggling flaming torches.
“If that were to occur, we would consider how far the economy is from each goal, and the potentially different time horizons over which those respective gaps would be anticipated to close,”
A riddle wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a tariff tariffed gift. When asked if the looming 245% tariff on China would scuttle the Fed’s balancing act between inflation and full employment, Powell’s nod was less than reassuring.
On the mystery of interest rates, our Fed captain added a coy, “For the time being, we are well positioned to wait for greater clarity,” as if clarity were a rainbow trout elusive to even Central Bank anglers.
“For the time being, we are well positioned to wait for greater clarity before considering any adjustments to our policy stance.”
Bitcoin, never one to resist drama, reacted like a caffeinated squirrel: plunging to $83,000, then scrambling back above $85,500, only to tumble again like a Jenga tower shaken by existential dread.
The carnage came with a flair—nearly $300 million vanishing daily, leaving behind 140,000 shattered traders wondering if digital gold is just fool’s gold gilded in hope and hype. 🎢💥
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2025-04-16 21:33