An Intimacy Coordinator’s Take on That Awkward ‘It Ends With Us’ Video

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Unseen footage filmed on the set of “It Ends With Us,” showing what appeared to be a simple slow dance scene, is rapidly gaining attention among fans of the public dispute between the film’s lead actress, Blake Lively, and her director and fellow actor, Justin Baldoni, becoming similar to the famous Zapruder film for them.

As a fervent supporter of Baldoni, I’m sharing an interesting perspective. The legal team behind Baldoni recently handed over a video to The Daily Mail, claiming it refutes several major allegations Lively made against him in a lawsuit filed last December. In this suit, she accused him of sexual harassment and masterminding a defamation scheme.

However, the narrative took a twist when Baldoni retaliated with his own complaint last week. He’s now targetting Lively and her husband, Ryan Reynolds, demanding at least $400 million in damages for their alleged part in the defamation campaign, among other actions.

The approximately 10-minute video filmed in May 2023 features three separate takes from the movie adaptation of “It Ends With Us,” a novel by Colleen Hoover published in 2016. This scene, which marks the start of Lily and Ryle’s romance, as portrayed by Lively and Baldoni, is depicted. The script snippet that briefly appears at the video’s opening reads, “Outside Bar – Night. Lily and Ryle are lost in their slow dance amidst a bar filled with patrons enjoying drinks and sports.

Mia Schachter, a renowned intimacy coordinator who has contributed her expertise to shows like AppleTV+’s “Lessons in Chemistry”, HBO’s “Insecure” and FX’s “American Crime Story”, was requested by The Hollywood Reporter to review the footage and express her insights.

What stands out to you as an intimacy coordinator when you watch this scene?

Initially, it appears he’s making an attempt to kiss her, yet it seems they hadn’t previously agreed on this action. She repeatedly withdraws from his advances, making it clear that she’s not comfortable with such a gesture.

Would it be customary to talk about a scene involving characters kissing prior to filming it?

An intimacy coordinator is typically hired for scenes involving simulated sex, nudity, or any form of intimate contact beyond what’s normally required. However, they aren’t always needed for every intimate scene. For instance, if a scene doesn’t involve these elements, like the one you described, an intimacy coordinator may not be present. This script excerpt suggests that this was indeed such a case. Despite having two intimacy coordinators on this film, it’s understandable that they wouldn’t have been needed for this particular scene. An intimacy coordinator would have clearly communicated the boundaries: “No kissing is allowed in this scene. This is the kind of touch that’s acceptable. We won’t introduce anything new without discussing it first.

What do you think the power dynamic is between Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni in this scene?

Despite being Blake Lively who holds the power to refuse and not face repercussions as others might, she’s compelled to maintain harmony with him and act cordially. She’s attempting to keep things cheerful and avoid causing distress or wasting time. However, it’s clear that she finds herself in a difficult situation, sandwiched between a rock and a hard place. Her actions suggest that she’s trying to appease him while keeping up a smile.

As far as the leadership structure goes, it’s him who calls the shots. However, things can get complicated. She, on the other hand, is a well-known figure in the project, a household name if you will. I only became aware of him with this movie, but I’ve known about her for quite some time, which means she’s not powerless. In fact, she holds considerable power here. Yet, he is the director and she should follow his guidance. What took me aback was that this particular scene was the one leaked by his team.

Baldoni’s team sees this clip as vindicating of him.

Indeed, from my perspective as a devoted fan, it appears to me that when an individual like Lively gains such widespread acclaim and notoriety, they undeniably hold some influence. However, even in the limelight, there remains the dynamic between actor and director, with the latter typically holding the reins of control.

​​If you were an intimacy coordinator during this scene, how would you handle this?

In advance, we usually have a conversation about how we envision the scene. As the director, I would ask him, “What are your expectations for this scene?” Ideally, he would express his desire such as wanting to see a kiss between characters, or my character kissing hers and running a hand through her hair. Then, I’d discuss it with her regarding her comfort level and what she was willing to perform. Actors tend to be more receptive when they know the plan in advance and aren’t caught off guard. Unfortunately, in this case, there was no prior discussion or planning of the scene.

A scene like this looks so harmless on the page. What could go wrong?

From the scene description provided, I wouldn’t consider it necessary to bring up this scene for discussion with the director. It appears they are merely slow dancing, and there seems to be no indication of any form of physical intimacy in the dance.

It seems she’s caught off guard because this situation is quite spontaneous. Some of their exchanges might be contentious and not what they typically say in a scripted context. This conversation appears to be an unplanned, personal interaction between the two individuals, which isn’t meant for the audience to overhear. Should I intervene if such a scenario arises?

As a gamer, if the content in this clip doesn’t strike me as something requiring my immediate intervention, I must admit it was quite endearing to hear them discussing their real-life partners. There was an awkward vibe, but nothing inappropriate was happening. It served as a gentle reminder that we all have lives beyond our gaming world.

As a gamer putting myself in this situation, if I overheard such comments as those mentioned in Lively’s lawsuit, filled with off-color humor about body parts like penis size, I wouldn’t hesitate to step in. However, the issue becomes complex when the person making these remarks is also the intimacy coordinator and director. It’s a tricky situation because you’re left wondering who to approach if you fear his ego might lead to reactions that could halt production, making you appear as the troublemaker. Honestly, I’d be scared of losing my job due to such a predicament.

During their conversation, he admits to finding her spray tan appealing but criticizes his own beard. She, in turn, regrets getting a spray tan. However, according to the lawsuit, him complimenting her smell upset her. What are your thoughts on this situation?

This video clearly illustrates the intricacy involved, as speaking in-character seems logical. However, when viewed outside of character, it’s not necessarily incorrect or offensive. But when there’s a growing sense of unease and repeated boundary violations, it can be perceived as another instance that oversteps the mark.

Could we delve deeper into the difference between an actor’s character and the role they portray? It’s fascinating how actors maintain their character throughout a shoot, even during breaks at catering. At these moments, they are conversing as Blake and Justin, not their on-screen personas. Yet, they are being filmed for a scene depicting two people falling in love. Do you think it’s possible that some aspects of the character they’re playing seep into their real-life interactions?

The title of the Daily Mail article featuring that video is “Who’s Deceiving?” However, I believe neither party is intentionally lying; rather, they are expressing their individual perspectives. They have significant disagreements about aspects such as professionalism, etiquette, acceptable behavior, and what it means to be an actor. Some actors still advocate for a more organic approach, while others might apologize for inappropriate actions, saying they were caught up in the moment. However, most intimacy coordinators and stunt coordinators would argue that such actions are unacceptable without prior discussion. In Hollywood, in the not-too-distant past, this kind of behavior was not unusual, but it doesn’t make it acceptable. We were adhering to a different set of standards at that time.

Regarding the smell comment, for me, it’s more about a pattern of incidents rather than a single instance that might have tipped the scale. It seems like she has been accumulating situations where she felt uneasy or pressured, and instances that were inappropriate have occurred. Things that might go unnoticed if you feel secure and comfortable are significant to her.

Is there anything else you want to say about this video?

As a dedicated fan, I can’t help but express my thoughts on this particular situation. In such scenes, I believe it’s the actor’s duty to consult their co-star, like Blake in this case, about intimate actions if they are planned. However, in this instance, he failed to do so, opting instead to proceed without discussion or prior consent. This left Blake feeling uncomfortable, as evidenced by her pulling away. Repeated attempts were made, which only added to the discomfort. As a fan, I believe that clear communication should always be prioritized in such scenarios, and unfortunately, this was not the case here. Both as an actor and a director, these actions reflect poorly on his professionalism.

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2025-01-23 21:56