Arthur Hayes Predicts Absurd Rally: Why Your Crypto Dreams Might Actually Come True 😂

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Imagine, if you will, Arthur Hayes as the cryptoverse’s chessmaster—spectacles fogged with the breath of FUD, fingers smudged with the greasy prints of anxious traders, and somewhere, a symphony of keyboards clacking like cicadas in mating season. He pontificates, with all the poetic grandeur of a roulette dealer gesturing towards table 2022: the market, trembling and twitchy, is primed for one of those sprawling, rabid rallies reminiscent of the golden (or gaudy?) days past—yes, my dear, when uncertainty itself became a tradable asset.

On a recent digital stage hosted by that perennial YouTube oracle, Ran Neuner, Hayes unveils his prediction like a magician reluctantly yanking a rabbit napkin from Janet Yellen’s purse. Central banks, he claims, will unleash a flood of manufactured money—the sort that makes your wallet go “whoosh” overnight—to patch up the dowdy dress of macroeconomic instability, and thereby launch Bitcoin and its wobbly kin skyward on a rollercoaster which, by all logic, shouldn’t really exist. 🎢


“Consider, if you please, the setup—a plump, delicious setup—just awaiting exploitation, as if fortune herself left Bitcoin unattended on the windowsill. Monetary stewards (particularly of the American flavor), faced with a tidal wave of market neurosis, will do what they do best: produce currency so liberally that even Monopoly will sue for copyright infringement… The secret, of course, is in the Treasury, where Yellen, that mysterious alchemist, conjured $2.5 trillion from 2022 to 2025, inflating BTC’s price as if it were a birthday balloon in a tornado. Bessent, by now presumably sweating through his bespoke suit, must follow the same playbook. Hence, April 9th: not just any Tuesday, but, allegedly, the bottom. From here, up we go—stratospherically, heartbreakingly, et cetera.”

Ever the oracle with an eye for metrics (and who among us isn’t, after our third double espresso?), Arthur muses that Bitcoin’s dominance, the percentage share of the market cap monopolized by our digital goldfish, might soon rally to 70% before sleepily tumbling—the moment the altcoin chorus creeps in with their usual off-key bravado. 🎤🐸

As it stands, the cult of BTC commands a princely 64.81% slice of the cosmic pie.


“Bitcoin dominance,” Arthur drones on with the weary enthusiasm of a poet faced with his tax return, “could reach the mythic 70% mark. Bitcoin, itself, lumbers toward $150,000 like a bear chasing a picnic basket. Then—and only then—will the altcoins tiptoe out from behind the bushes.”

Meanwhile, as you mutter pleas to whichever digital entity controls your portfolio, rest assured that Bitcoin is currently loafing around $94,030, lazily down 1.8% in the last patch of sunlight—just to keep the mortals honest.

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2025-05-07 03:06