Arthur Hayes Says: New Stablecoin IPOs Are Just ‘Hot Potato’ Crypto Circus đŸŽȘ

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Imagine, dear reader, a queue of would-be financial alchemists—gleaming smiles, sharp suits, nostrils flaring with the scent of freshly-minted regulatory loopholes—each clutching a stablecoin IPO so scalding, so resplendently overvalued, they handle them as one does radioactive yams fresh from Chernobyl’s gardens. Arthur Hayes—progenitor of BitMEX, a man whose eyebrow arch alone could trigger a market correction—flicks his quill and warns: treat these tokens as “hot potatoes.” Pass the parcel, but mind the blisters. đŸ˜đŸ„”

Circle, that modest ring of fiscal ambitions, has already flung itself onto Wall Street’s stage. CRCL, the ticker of the hour, rockets with the gusto of an over-caffeinated squirrel—soaring up 80%, teasing $165 as if seducing the gods of speculation. Hayes, not to be outdone in hyperbole, scoffs at the valuation, noting, perhaps with a tear or a chuckle, that half the company’s golden eggs are delivered to Coinbase—apparently for a polite “thank you” and a firm handshake.

“Assume the Position” is a discussion on the stablecoin mania brewing in public stock markets. If you want your bowel movements to stay regular, read on.

— Arthur Hayes (@CryptoHayes) June 16, 2025

As the circus tent balloons, Hayes prophesies a parade of imitators—copycat stablecoins, each strutting their stuff, ill-prepared for the harsh sunlight of markets. The secret sauce, dear initiates, is not just a ticker and a whitepaper, but distribution: partnerships with exchanges, social media Gorgons, and banks with vaults deeper than their CEO’s pockets. Without these, the new stablecoins will have the appeal and resilience of a wet noodle at a food fight.

Short them, you ask? Hayes stubs out his philosophical cigar: not so fast. America’s crypto appetite expands like a waistline at an all-you-can-hype buffet, and looming regulation could keep these stocks buoyant long enough to flay the faces off unwary shorts (a bold promise, and a visual one). “Rip the faces off,” he croons, and one imagines a chorus of thin-lipped hedgies checking their mirrors.

Chainlink’s own oracle, Sergey Nazarov, intones that the coming regulatory deluge will unleash a global stampede of stablecoin launches. Hayes signs off with poetic mischief, hooting at “suited-up clowns” peddling “dogshit companies”—all greasepaint grins, prestidigitation, and very little coinage of substance. Step right up, ladies and gents. The stablecoin IPO carnival is in town. đŸŽĄđŸ€Ą

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2025-06-17 09:42