Beware the Bitcoin Bureaucracy: US Plans to Control Crypto!

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Amid the relentless march of the digital age, the U.S. White House prepares to unveil its first crypto policy report on July 22—a document that will likely be as comprehensible as a Soviet cipher and twice as ominous. This follows the executive order signed by President Trump, who, in his infinite wisdom, established the Digital Assets Working Group. A group so bureaucratic, it could rival the KGB’s efficiency. 🚨

U.S. White House To Release Crypto Policy Report

The Working Group, tasked with submitting a report within 180 days of January 23, now faces the Herculean challenge of deciphering the cryptocurrency labyrinth. Their mission? To recommend regulatory and legislative proposals that advance the policies of yesteryear, including the creation of a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve. A reserve so strategic, it might as well be a secret society. 🧠

The report will delve into the murky waters of how the U.S. can amass a national digital asset stockpile. Will they seize coins from law enforcement? Probably. Will they explain it clearly? Unlikely. The Working Group’s evaluation will be as clear as mud, but at least they’ll dress it up in fancy jargon. 💸

Based on Trump’s March executive order, the report will also update the nation on the BTC holdings of the United States. Each federal agency is expected to provide a full accounting of their digital assets—a task as thrilling as watching paint dry. 🧩

The policy report is also set to spotlight Congress’s efforts to turn the Strategic Bitcoin Reserve into law. Senator Lummis’s BITCOIN Act proposes acquiring 1 million BTC over five years. A noble goal, if only it weren’t as realistic as a unicorn in a spreadsheet. 🦄

The bill will likely dominate the Senate’s agenda once they finish debating the CLARITY Act and Anti-CBDC Act. Trump’s GENIUS Act, which regulates stablecoins and blocks CBDCs, is already a masterpiece of bureaucratic poetry. 📜

How Much Bitcoin Does The U.S. Actually Own

The debate over U.S. Bitcoin holdings is as heated as a Siberian winter. BitcoinTreasuries claims 198,012 BTC, while the U.S. Marshals Service admits to 28,988. A discrepancy so vast, it could fill a black hole. 🌌

This shortfall, less than 80% of the estimated stash, raises questions. Could another agency be hoarding coins like a squirrel with a cryptocurrency addiction? Senator Lummis warns that losing 80% of BTC reserves would leave the U.S. as competitive as a snail in a race. 🐌

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2025-07-21 18:18