Bitcoin Bumbles, US Government, and a Dash of Cosmic Humor! 😂

by

On a splendid April morning in 2025—specifically the 8th, if one must be precise—Scott Melker, the roguishly charming host of The Wolf of All Streets, declared in his daily missive, The Wolf Den, that Michael Saylor (yes, the very fellow behind those rather audacious multimillion-dollar Bitcoin purchases) might very well be the worst trader since one could remember. One has to wonder, with a raised eyebrow and a wry smile, whether Melker is entirely in earnest or just having a bit of a lark. 😏

Why on Earth does Melker consider Saylor such a bungling trader?

In true Melker fashion, he bestowed upon Saylor a grade so dismal it would shame even the most hapless schoolboy, all in an effort to illustrate a far grander point about the fundamental inability to time the market. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, what with all this hullabaloo.

As of the aforementioned date, Strategy—the enigmatic enterprise behind these transactions—boasts a collection of over 528,000 Bitcoins. Melker, being the meticulous chap he is, scrutinized the prices at which Strategy procured its vast trove of BTC and found that around 20% of these purchases were executed at a staggering price exceeding $90,000. Meanwhile, the average price recorded during over 4.5 years of Bitcoin buying stands at a modest $67,400, a mere $10,000 shy of the current price. One might say it’s rather like paying top dollar for a cup of tea. ☕

Melker further observes that Saylor’s idea of “buying the dip” made cameo appearances in only three out of nine BTC purchases in 2025, with the remaining acquisitions executed at prices that would leave one’s eyebrow permanently raised. To add a humorous twist, one of those so-called dip purchases involved acquiring “only” 130 bitcoins—a count vastly inferior to the usual thousands he opts for. Evidently, on this occasion, Strategy did little to save a pretty penny.

The evidence so far paints our dear Saylor as a chap prone to rookie missteps in the delicate art of Bitcoin buy-ins. It appears that throughout 4.5+ years, Strategy’s portfolio has not exactly soared to the heavens, or at least not in a manner that justifies all the hoopla. Given that these Bitcoins are scooped up by expanding Strategy’s debt, one might think that Saylor has not the foggiest idea what he’s doing—truly a spot of bother! 😂

Plot twist

However, for those who have had the pleasure (or misfortune) of enduring Saylor’s speeches and interviews, it is well known that his approach to Bitcoin is as unconventional as a three-legged race at a country picnic. Rather than trailing the ever-elusive USD price at the moment of purchase, Saylor is fixated on the sheer volume of Bitcoin amassed, caring not a whit for the price tags in dollars. For him, one of the cardinal metrics is not the cost but rather the percentage of the total supply that tips his ledger. As he jolly well puts it, one bitcoin remains forever one bitcoin.

1 BTC = 1 BTC

— Michael Saylor (@saylor) April 7, 2025

In a rather buoyant address titled ‘Bitcoin for America,’ he reminded his admiring audience that 78% of the United States was once purchased for a mere $40 million. He likened buying Bitcoin to snapping up American acres for the price of a bargain-bin trinket – for Saylor, every price tag on Bitcoin these days is a dazzling steal. Ever the enthusiast, he even urged the U.S. government to acquire up to 25% of the total BTC to preserve global leadership in this cosmic race of digital derring-do. Just to tickle your fancy: in February 2025, he grandly predicted that by 2045, Bitcoin might gallop up to an eye-popping $13 million per unit. đŸŽ©

We purchased 78% of the United States for $40 million. America should buy Bitcoin.

— Michael Saylor (@saylor) March 11, 2025

Ever the understanding sort, Melker acknowledges Saylor’s logic with a nod and a smile. He presses on, contending that one should not judge Saylor by his knack for market timing—something only a droll fellow like Warren Buffett might claim mastery over. In Melker’s estimation, the current BTC price, while perhaps not as rock-bottom as one might imagine, is still a splendid bargain if one’s mind is fixed on long-term value rather than any transient whims of the market.

“There’s never been a better moment for companies to enter the Bitcoin arena at a cost basis not too far removed from Strategy’s,” Melker opines with the flourish of a well-read raconteur. “While matching them in scale is unlikely anytime soon, the opportunity to accumulate BTC near Saylor’s average is a rare gift from the market gods.” One might almost imagine these gods winking mischievously from above.

Of course, it is all understood that Saylor is not one to be distracted by the short-term quirks of reality. Strategy’s monetary forays into the Bitcoin realm are, in fact, made at prices that are all too real. Yet, as Melker so humorously points out, on many a fine occasion these purchases occurred rather at the “wrong” moments. Some experts suggest that while Strategy may be losing a few shiny coins here and there, bankruptcy is about as likely as an asteroid decamping on a sunny day. For example, Crypto Quant CEO Ki Young Ju roughly stated:

16K was the last cycle’s bottom. Talking about it now is like calling 3K when BTC hit 60K. If BTC drops to 16K again after all the institutional adoption, ETFs, and MSTR buying, it’s as fcked up as an asteroid hitting Earth.

— Ki Young Ju (@ki_young_ju) December 17, 2024

According to this rather celestial logic, only if Bitcoin were to tumble back to the $16,000 mark—and Strategy chose to stand idly by—might the company be in a spot of financial bother. Even in these topsy-turvy global economic times, it is a strain of the imagination to picture Bitcoin plummeting so dramatically; the last time we saw such a dip was in the frosty clime of January, 2023. Melker cheekily remarks that were Saylor so inclined to refine his market timing, he might simply ring up Ray Dalio or Ken Griffin and have a veritable brigade of quants and researchers reworking his models by teatime. Thus, it appears that The Wolf of All Streets leaves us with the jolly notion that Saylor is indeed one of the most befuddled traders of our time. 😆

Read More

2025-04-08 23:34