Bitcoin Ignores Fed Like a Cat Ignores a Laser Pointer: What Happens Next Will Shock You

by

In a move that surprised as many people as finding sand in a desert, the U.S. Federal Reserve decided to keep the benchmark interest rate exactly where it was. Yes, the suspense was truly earth-shattering—if your heart rate is normally measured in tectonic time scales.

With the decision broadcast harder than a soap opera cliffhanger, Bitcoin responded with… majestic indifference. The world’s leading cryptocurrency twitched ever so slightly, then promptly returned to its regularly scheduled napping just north of $96,000.

Market analysts appeared even less shocked than a goldfish in a bowl, seeing as most of them had already baked this news into their mental soufflés. If Bitcoin had eyelids, they would have blinked, ever so slowly. But alas, eyelidless things can only change price.

The Federal Reserve, meanwhile, described inflation as “somehow elevated”—technical jargon meaning, “it’s still a squirrelly little beast.” To add to the general sense of mystery, the Fed admitted that uncertainty has increased further, in much the same way Monday tends to follow Sunday.

Optimistic traders are predicting three rate cuts this year, bravely defying fate and the Fed’s general aura of eternal hesitation. 💸

Jurrien Timmer, director of global macro at Fidelity and professional seeker of economic truths, offered this gem: “The Fed is rightly on hold as it awaits more clarity from both the growth and inflation side of the spectrum. The Fed has a dual mandate of full employment and 2% price stability, and right now it is stuck in between both ends.” In other words, the Fed currently sits on a very expensive fence—possibly Bitcoin’s next stop. 🚀

Read More

2025-05-07 21:43