Bitwise Drops NEAR ETF Bombshell and the Crypto World Can’t Even

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So, apparently, Bitwise has just submitted an S-1 form to the SEC on May 6, 2025, and honestly, the excitement in crypto circles is only rivaled by my reaction to free samples at M&S. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No—it’s the so-called “Bitwise NEAR ETF”. Cue dramatic music. 🎶

Details about how this magical ETF will work (fees, tickers, anything remotely specific) are, of course, as elusive as the last season of “Bridgerton.” Typical. But, hey, what’s a little regulatory mystery among friends?

Quick refresher for those who haven’t been mainlining crypto podcasts: NEAR Protocol is a layer-1 blockchain that promises to be ultra-friendly for developers, blissfully scalable, and apparently named after a word your gran might use to refer to tea time (“Is it nearly ready, love?”). Their “Nightshade” sharding might sound like a posh cocktail, but it means faster transactions—not bad for all those dApps you pretend to understand at parties.

If this ETF actually comes to life, both Wall Street suits and average crypto-wannabes might pile in, chasing the next “big thing” without having to decipher a single mnemonic phrase. Because honestly, who hasn’t dreamt of investing in crypto without risking a total existential meltdown?

Bitwise’s move is just the latest plot twist in 2025’s hottest trend: making ETFs for absolutely anything that isn’t nailed down (thanks for the inspo, Bitcoin and Ethereum). After ETFs for those got rubber-stamped earlier this year, everyone seems to be leaping aboard—like the last lifeboat off the Titanic, but with more spreadsheets.

Now it’s up to the SEC to review Bitwise’s S-1. When will this happen? Good question—add it to the list with “when will I finally stop buying oat milk?” There’s no date, no promise, just regulatory suspense. Still, this filing is a big deal (no pressure, SEC!), potentially luring in fresh investment and mainstream attention to NEAR, because who wouldn’t want their dinner party small talk to include ETFs and sharding?

Stay tuned for further revelations—rumor has it even the fees will eventually be revealed. Until then, crypto Twitter will just have to speculate wildly, and financial journalists everywhere can dust off their ETFs-for-dummies explainers once again. 🍸💸

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2025-05-07 00:18