Brace Yourselves: Bitcoin Hashrate Just Surged 10%—Here’s the Twisted Truth!

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In the world of numbers and smoke, where ordinary souls break their backs mining invisible gold, the Bitcoin (BTC) hashrate shivers and leaps—not unlike a hungry dog sniffing out scraps in a St. Petersburg alleyway. Today, the hashrate, that wild measure of miner sweat and iron, jolted up by nearly 10% (let us not insult your intelligence with decimals—except it’s 9.91%, comrade), making even the most grizzled crypto veterans choke on their borscht. Why does this mechanical miracle matter? What devilry hides in the heart of these ones and zeros?

Miners Dance—Or: Confidence Rises While Soles Wear Thin

As the sacred numbers poured in from Bitinforcharts, the hashrate soared 9.91% in a single day, and 23% in just three days. Now it stands at the unholy summit of 913 EH/s. What does this say, aside from the fact that machines outwork men and ask for neither bread nor breaks? It says miners—those brave or perhaps mad—are once again hauling their rigs out from the sheds, dreaming of fortunes, while their wives shake their heads with grave understanding.
They’re running those machines day and night, deaf to the whirr, even as the mighty Halving loomed like a Cossack tax collector at the door. The rigs multiply, one per every lost hope. For three months hashrate has stamped its muddy boots above 700 EH/s, refusing to slink away.

Occasionally, like a Dostoyevskian anti-hero after too much vodka, the rate lurches past 1,000 EH/s, falls back, then rises again. Does it make the network safer? Decentralized? Perhaps. Is it good for price? Possibly. Is it good for your nerves? Absolutely not.

Bitcoin Price Sits Under $95k – Drinking Tea, Refusing to Move

Currently the price of one Bitcoin hovers at $94,600, refusing to budge, like a babushka in the market haggling for cabbage. Once, not so long ago, the price was $109,100—now, after the Trump-China trade war (which surely has left a strange taste in everyone’s mouths), things slid—and lurched—and now simply sit. Analysts mutter about BlackRock’s $1 billion Bitcoin haul, ETF rivers flowing with cash, growing adoption, and, of course, the great hashrate hullaballoo, as reasons for the recent revival.

The silent crisis of Bitcoin, the one no one will write a novel about:
• Only 450 BTC mined a day — so little, they’d gnaw the crusts of the blockchain.
• BlackRock gobbled 12,490 BTC in two days.
• Morgan Stanley, not to be outdone, scarfed down 15,355.
• ETFs guzzled $4B+ in eight days.
• Arizona—yes, Arizona!—throws 10% of their state funds on the pyre.
• Hashrate up 17% this year.

Liquidity, sir? It is… complicated. 🫠
— ZarKa (@arkanicus), April 30, 2025

Despite this chorus of bullish miners, confidence is high, but the bullish rally sits halted, like a train waiting for the snow to melt from the tracks. Resistance pokes up at $95k and an even frostier psychological barrier blocks the way at $100k. If Bitcoin surges through these frostbitten iron gates, analysts predict a bullish stampede the likes of which only Tolstoy could describe.

There are prophecies, of course. Dave the Wave dreams aloud of $200k Bitcoin before 2025 freezes over. And BitMex founder Arthur Hayes paints a fevered vision of Bitcoin at $1 million before 2028—likely while sipping vintage vodka and staring into the snow asking, “Why not?”

So the story continues: prices may slump, or soar, or just sit grumbling at the kitchen table—but the true miners, the dreamers, will keep shoveling coal into their digital furnaces, hoping, cursing, and laughing all the while. 😂

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2025-04-30 13:34