What to know:
- President Trump has thrown a tantrum involving tariffs and 180 nations, making Wall Street seize up like a frozen computer screen, complete with the familiar “loading” icon of impending recession risks and potential Federal Reserve rate cuts.
- The glorious March Non-Farm Payroll (NFP) could be seen as a relic from a bygone era, while a weak report might just be the cherry on top of a recession sundae.
- Bitcoin’s prices are sticking around like a bad smell above the March lows, suggesting seller fatigue. Implied volatility hints at a wild ride, approx 3.4% price swing. Buckle up! 🎢
As we collectively hold our breath for the U.S. nonfarm payrolls (NFP) report, Bitcoin enthusiasts are channeling their inner Harvey Dent, flipping coins that just reflect their preferences and ignoring gravity. “If it lands heads, I win; tails? Still winning; can I call it a tie?” 🎭
It’s a delightful game of “heads I win, tails you lose,” where crypto optimists are likely to have their cake and eat it too, no matter if the jobs report makes us dance with joy or weep softly into our avocado toast.
This classic mess is courtesy of President Donald Trump, who decided that 180 nations needed a little more drama in their lives with tariffs that made investors’ palms sweat and sparked dreams of a recession lurking around the corner.
Strong jobs data? Ha! More like yesterday’s news tossed aside like last week’s expired milk. And if by chance the numbers look less-than-stellar, well, congratulations to the recession while everyone rushes to bet on a rate cut by the Fed—as if that’s going to fix anything. 🥳
As of now, Bitcoin is shaking hands at a cool $84,190, having nearly kissed the $82,000 mark shortly after a 3 AM existential crisis. The fact that it manages to keep its head above the $77,000 March low amidst peak tariff anguish suggests the sellers might be wearing out faster than a poorly knitted sweater.
Meanwhile, Volmex’s volatility index dangles at an exciting 65%. In layman’s terms, expect the price to swing wildly like a toddler on a sugar rush—3.4% worth of thrills in the next 24 hours, at least! 🎈
Jobs data is set to make its grand debut at 12:30 UTC—mark your calendars, folks! The median estimates whisper seductive sweet nothings of 130,000 nonfarm payroll jobs, a promising dip from February’s 151,000 fiasco. And for those eagerly counting every fraction of a percentage point, the jobless rate forecast is expected to creep up to 4.2% from 4.1%. Cue the ominous music! 🎶
As we simmer in anticipation, rates traders are betting on 100 basis points of Fed cuts this year, with the first act scheduled for June, according to the crystal ball known as the CME’s FedWatch tool. Just another day in financial theater, folks!
Read More
- Ludus promo codes (April 2025)
- Cookie Run Kingdom: Shadow Milk Cookie Toppings and Beascuits guide
- DEEP/USD
- Cookie Run Kingdom Town Square Vault password
- ZEREBRO/USD
- Tap Force tier list of all characters that you can pick
- 10 Hardest Bosses In The First Berserker: Khazan
- Realms of Pixel tier list – What are the best heroes in the game?
- Grimguard Tactics tier list – Ranking the main classes
- Fortress Saga tier list – Ranking every hero
2025-04-04 11:58