Crypto Circus: €300M Bitcoin Grab with a Laugh! 😂

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Here we go again, comrades! The Blockchain Group, that merry band of dreamers, launches a cool €300 million to chase after Bitcoin like a dog after a bone. They call it an “ATM-type” or “At The Market” facility—because nothing screams stability like throwing your capital into the wild, haha. This stunt is supposed to speed up their BTC takeover—because who needs small goals when you can aim for the moon?

Strategic Partnership with TOBAM

Enter TOBAM, that seasoned investor since 2017—probably the only thing more aged than their jokes. They will be the exclusive subscriber, like a kid with an endless candy jar, buying shares daily as if market conditions are a game of roulette. Talk about trusting your fate to the whims of the market!

Capital Raise Mechanics

Every day, TOBAM makes requests to buy—oh, how generous! The share price? Either yesterday’s closing, or today’s VWAP—fancy words for “we’ll pick whatever makes us look good.” But hold your horses! Requests are limited to a modest 21% of the previous day’s trading volume—because nothing says ‘stability’ like trying not to crash the market, right? 🤔

Bitcoin Treasury Expansion

This delightful plan is designed to make the company’s Bitcoin hoard grow, slowly but surely—not unlike a stubborn mule, but with more flair. The goal? Boost shareholder value and become the crowned monarch of Bitcoin treasuries in Europe. Because nothing screams confidence like splashing around investors’ money while pretending you’re just “managing risk.”

This is the new trend—a corporate treasury doing the hokey pokey with Bitcoin, as if it were just another commodity. Who needs stability when you’ve got ambition (or greed)?

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2025-06-09 13:52