Ah, Tamil Nadu, that fertile land of temples and now, alas, digital coinery. Their director general of police, this Shankar Jiwal – a name that sounds suspiciously like a brand of boot polish 🤔 – has, on this past Friday, deigned to bestow upon his officers a handbook. A handbook, mind you, for the perilous, murky swamps of virtual assets. One shudders to think what calamities demanded such a measure!
Officially christened “Handbook for Investigations into Virtual Digital Assets,” a title so clunky it could sink a Soviet submarine, this tome promises “practical support.” As if mere paper could hold back the tide of cryptocurrency, that fickle mistress reshaping (read: wreaking havoc on) India’s financial landscape. It is meant, they say, to aid our valiant, though perhaps digitally-challenged, officers in navigating those intricate webs spun by criminals – webs, naturally, of complex transactions designed to mask their villainy. As if a criminal would leave clues conveniently labeled “ILL-GOTTEN GAINS”!
Inside this sacred text, one finds the usual: step-by-step procedures, insights into crypto crimes like money laundering (as if regular laundering weren’t troublesome enough!) and Ponzi schemes (because pyramids weren’t already a blight on the architectural landscape?). We are promised an overview of India’s legal framework – a framework as solid as a politician’s promise – techniques for tracing transactions (good luck with that!), and strategies for those delightful cross-border cases with “international dimensions.” One can almost hear the gears of bureaucracy grinding away, ever so slowly.
Giottus, a cryptocurrency exchange (one imagines they have a vested interest in all this), and Hash Legal, a law firm on the “cutting edge” (a dangerous place to be, what with all the sharp objects), are the midwives to this handbook. Their goal, they claim, is to equip our constables with the tools to “stay ahead” of crypto-driven crime. As if the police were not already chasing shadows!
This Jiwal fellow, the DGP, he made certain to mention the handbook’s “critical role.” Every cog in the machine is a critical role. If the cog doesn’t cog, who is to blame? But the machine works on.
He urges the police force to “fully tap into” the knowledge offered by Giottus. One can almost see the officers, bleary-eyed, forced to attend mandatory crypto seminars. I wonder if anyone understands the point of this “handbook”. Perhaps it will make a good paperweight.
The handbook, in its infinite wisdom, tries to imbue police officers with the confidence to investigate these crimes. It bravely wades into the complicated concepts of blockchain. As if breaking down these mysteries can suddenly make a technologically-illiterate officer an expert. It may only serve to convince him he doesn’t want to be an expert.
Giottus plans to spread the handbook across all of India. One can picture it now: mountains of handbooks, gathering dust in police stations from Kashmir to Kanyakumari. They also aim to assist with training programs. One can also see officers sleeping in those programs.
Vikram Subburaj, CEO of Giottus, claims the idea for this tome sprung from years of…dialogue with law enforcement officials. Apparently, officers were “reluctant” to engage with crypto cases. How understandable! It’s far easier to chase jaywalkers. This “reluctance” was due to “uncertainties” about the legal status of crypto. And, perhaps, a nagging suspicion that it’s all a bit of a fool’s errand. So, a “straightforward, structured guide” was born. Bless their hearts. 😇
Athif Ahmed, a partner at Hash Legal, chimes in with the usual PR drivel about “raising awareness” and providing a “reliable resource.” He also assures us that all relevant legal provisions have been detailed (one hopes correctly!), and that victims of crypto crimes will receive the same “empathy” as others. As if empathy were a commodity to be rationed out! 😡 He hopes this handbook fosters a “fair approach.” One can only pray that it does not end up as just another brick in the wall of bureaucratic indifference. 😔
Read More
- Maiden Academy tier list
- Cookie Run Kingdom Town Square Vault password
- Cookie Run Kingdom: Shadow Milk Cookie Toppings and Beascuits guide
- Girls Frontline 2 Exilium tier list
- Wizardry Variants Daphne tier list and a reroll guide
- 10 Hardest Bosses In The First Berserker: Khazan
- Euphoria Season 3: The Epic Finale Fans Have Been Waiting For!
- Badass Ravi Kumar star Himesh Reshammiya’s wife exposes his hilarious habit; former says ‘mere naam pe TRP le rahi ho’
- Tap Force tier list of all characters that you can pick
- How To Make The Battle Armor In Monster Hunter Wilds
2025-03-22 12:38