Crypto Heist: Will Bybit Spill the Tea? ☕

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TOKEN2049, darling, the glitziest crypto jamboree this side of the Suez, is looming, promising more sparkle than a chandelier factory. Naturally, the burning question on everyone’s lips – besides “where’s the champagne?” – is whether Bybit’s Ben Zhou will deign to address that trifling matter of the missing $1.4 billion. 💸


Total hacked funds of USD 1.4bn around 500k ETH. 68.57% remain traceable, 27.59% have gone dark, 3.84% have been frozen. The untraceable funds primarily flowed into mixers then through bridges to P2P and OTC platforms.
Recently, we have…

— Ben Zhou (@benbybit) April 21, 2025

The dear fellow indicates that the naughty crypto took a detour through mixers (rather like a dodgy cocktail party) and then hopped over to bridges and those terribly discreet P2P and OTC platforms. Wasabi, darling, apparently the mixer of choice, and associated with DPRK activities. One can only imagine the conversations. 🍸

And, oh, the intrigue! About 432,748 ETH (or roughly $1.21 billion, if you’re counting) has been brazenly swapped for Bitcoin via Thorchain. Of that, a staggering 67.25% – or 10,003 BTC – is now languishing in various wallets. One does hope they’re comfortable. 🤔

To find these fiends, Bybit has received a deluge of “bounty reports.” A mere 70 were deemed “valid.” Honestly! But the hunt, darling, is still on. Zhou is practically begging for more bounty hunters to come forward and decode these mixers. A noble pursuit, if ever there was one. 🕵️‍♀️

TOKEN2049 Dubai, held at the ever-so-chic Madinat Jumeirah, promises to be a whirlwind of influencers and free canapés. The speaker lineup is positively dazzling: Vitalik Buterin, Richard Teng, Anatoly Yakovenko, Balaji Srinivasan, Arthur Hayes, Paolo Ardoino, Jeremy Allaire. A veritable who’s who of the crypto cognoscenti. ✨

So, will Zhou address the missing millions? One can only hope! If he does, it’ll be the juiciest gossip of the entire affair. Pass the popcorn, darling. 🍿

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2025-04-22 10:12