Crypto Market Analysts Say $4.5 Trillion Is Coming – Will Your Grandma Finally Buy Dogecoin?

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So, according to self-proclaimed “crypto whisperer” Ted Pillows—yes, that’s his real name and not the latest character on a Netflix miniseries about insomnia—the entire crypto market is allegedly flirting with a $4.5 trillion valuation by the end of Q3 2025. This comes hot on the heels of another classic Bitcoin rejection, which, for those just tuning in, is basically the financial world’s equivalent of being ghosted by your Tinder match (but with more graphs).

Coming Soon: Crypto Hits $3.5T Wall, Investors Hit Refresh Button (Again)

On July 4 (because nothing says independence like speculative finance), Ted whipped up a technical analysis over on X (formerly Twitter, still confusing), serving us a daily CryptoCap chart plucked straight from Tradingview. Apparently, there’s a “bull flag” formation in the works. And if you’re wondering if that’s a complicated way of saying “things might go up,” congrats! You pass Crypto Lingo 101.

To explain for the mere mortals: a bull flag starts with a “flagpole”—so, a big price jump. Picture Bitcoin flexing its biceps between April and May, and then promptly going to laze on the couch in June while the market “consolidates.” Spoiler: this is code for “everyone panics, nothing happens.”

Crypto market technical chart looking dramatic and mysterious

Ted swears the bull flag is legit and if the total crypto market cap gives a “decisive price close” above $3.5T—let’s pretend that’s not as arbitrary as it sounds—then we could, in theory, see numbers balloon up to $4.5 trillion. Not to be outdone, Bitcoin could snag a $2.82 trillion cap and fetch $141,800 per coin. Not financial advice, but if you can buy Bitcoin at that price, maybe just buy an island.

But wait—Ted has a twist (crypto never met a plot it didn’t like): if we get an “altseason,” aka “That One Weird Summer When All The Coins Got Weirdly Popular,” then all bets are off. Bitcoin might have to take a back seat in the Lambo.

Crypto Market: Still Volatile, Still Not Boring 🪙💥

Per the oracle at Coingecko, we’re sitting at a breezy $3.39 trillion, which is funny because everything just dropped 5.21% yesterday. Blame Bitcoin—like every Thanksgiving dinner, it’s always the oldest sibling’s fault. Over the past year, though, the market’s up a solid 51.24%, which is probably better than your 401(k), but with a lot more drama.

Bitcoin itself is at $108,118, feeling slightly hungover after a 1.46% loss in the past 24 hours. Daily volume is down 14.4%, which means everyone took the day off or, you know, just rage-quit after the last dip.

Yet another daunting crypto chart

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2025-07-05 18:47