There are years that ask questions, and quarters that simply mumble expletives under their breath. CoinShares, a firm wandering the tundra between America and Europe — that strange expanse where profits, too, catch cold — reports its Q1 net profit collapsed to a paltry $24 million. Only last year, their vaults groaned with $41.5 million in profit in the same period, and now it is as if the figures themselves are shivering, reduced by 42.2%. You might call it a “decline”; the boardroom called it Tuesday.
They say EBITDA survived at least, though its step is less firm than before — a 15.5% fall, but still breathing, one supposes. Margins, as thin as rations in a labor camp, slipped and slithered downward, despite doughty business jargon insisting this was all positive. Who knew that a profit could shrink and yet be counted as a blessing? In Russia, we called that supper.
Within this blizzard, CoinShares’s ETPs managed to drag $268 million our way, most of it clutching onto their Physical Bitcoin (BITC) ETP — $202 million attempting not to freeze to the bottom of the spreadsheet. Miraculously, revenue on assets under management grew 20.8%, from $24.5 million to $29.6 million. Proof perhaps that capitalism — like cockroaches and bureaucracy — thrives in all climates. Bravo?
Meanwhile, the share price itself is down 9.4% year-to-date, according to the oracles at Google Finance. The digital tickers, unlike Siberian wolves, chew gently.
Upon this bleak ledger, CEO Jean-Marie Mognetti pens a letter to shareholders. He writes, “What we are witnessing is not mere market volatility — it is a wholesale transformation of the global economic order.” Somewhere, Lenin is nodding, “Ah, yes, I have seen this play before.” At least the bread lines are virtual now.
Mognetti adds, with the cheerful candor of a man caught in a snowstorm with only stale rubles for warmth, that Ether’s underperformance resulted in $23 million flowing out the door from their Staked Ethereum ETP. And with Bitcoin prices dropping 12.1%, their assets under management shriveled by 10.7%, limping to a close of $1.52 billion. Not quite the gulag, but not the Riviera either.
Crypto companies show mixed results during market upheaval
The first trickle of Q1 2025 earnings from crypto companies offers little cause to uncork the vodka. A general malaise reigns, with revenues gasping for breath. (Investors, too, could use a drink.)
Coinbase? Revenues slid 10%. Transaction revenues simply fell down a ravine, 19% lower, coughing up merely $1.3 billion (only in crypto is $1.3 billion cause for head-shaking and existential dread). Kraken, the American exchange with a name like a Lovecraftian monster, saw its revenues drop 7%. Michael Saylor’s Bitcoin treasury “Strategy” missed Wall Street’s estimates, though frankly, who hasn’t lately? Even Bitcoin miner Core Scientific found itself pickaxing at disappointment.
It all happened against a backdrop of chaos: the markets convulsed after US President Donald Trump (yes, again) unleashed tariffs worldwide, dragging Bitcoin as low as $78,000. Ether (ETH) stumbled tidily after it. Yes, winter comes to crypto too, and the snow is blockchain-deep. At least the memes remain warm. ❄️💸
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2025-05-14 01:32