Crypto Tokens Drop Like Flies in 2025—Only Bitcoin Smirks at the Funeral

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  • Over 3.7 million crypto projects have been sent to the cemetery since 2021, most gasping their last between 2024 and 2025. Requiem unnecessary.
  • Bitcoin’s dominance in 2025 is so overwhelming it could crush a Cossack’s spirit; the altcoin market shriveled by $300 billion, give or take a few souls.

Behold, my dear reader, the year 2025—an epoch baptized by technological hope yet haunted by uncertainty; where pockets teem with virtual gold and despair pours faster than vodka. Crypto fevers run high, acceptance grows wider, yet the abyss stares deeper.

You see, the optimism sweeping under the banner of President Trump is but a mirage flickering over tundra—CoinGecko’s latest revelation rips the facade: half these digital coins have perished like weak-willed dreamers in a Petersburg winter.

GeckoTerminal chronicled nearly seven million tokens, but 3.7 million—an army fit for Dostoevsky’s own nightmares—have vanished without a trace. Each a story, each a disappointment, each a sad orphan lost to digital snowdrifts.

2025 rang in with a bang, or rather, a mass funeral. 1.8 million tokens expired in a single quarter—the first! One might find it poetic if they squint and ignore all the ruined investors wailing at open graves.

Speculation rages: the moment the Trumpets of Inauguration sounded, the crypto market lost its mind, teetering like a man who’s had one philosophical crisis too many. Can this fever—this spectacle—continue in the face of regulatory frostbite and fiscal chills?

In the halcyon days of 2021, GeckoTerminal peered at a modest 428,000 projects. By 2025, projects bred faster than guilt in a Dostoevsky novella—nearly 7 million attempts at greatness, most achieving mediocrity or outstanding mediocrity.

The pump.fun Catastrophe: Party or Pogrom?

Only in the age of existential irony would something called Pump.fun become the blacksmith of mass delusion. Anyone could mint a token—with less effort than it takes to sigh. A thousand meme coins arose, each one more absurd, or perhaps, more nihilistically honest, than the last.

But as easily as a token is birthed, so too does it return to the void. As of March’s end, 2025: 1.8 million crypto disasters—a failure rate so impressive not even Raskolnikov would dare confess it. Nearly half of all collapsed dreams since 2021 lie strewn across this new landscape, like broken samovars tossed from window sills.

Last year’s crop was a record-breaker: 3 million new coins, 1.4 million promptly consigned to the existential trash heap. Their fate foretold by physics: what rises, pump.fun ensures, will also fall, and quickly.

Pump.fun: for many, a key to the kingdom; for most, the swiftest route to bankruptcy and existential malaise. Before its arrival, failures rarely reached six digits. Progress, Dostoevsky whispers, is always double-edged, rarely dull.

Meanwhile, the great stage of crypto shows grandeur and farce in equal measure; fortunes made, illusions shattered, family dinners ruined.

The Grand Ledger: Market Performance with a Dash of Absurdity

Observe! The global market cap now hovers at $3.01 trillion. Bitcoin stretches toward $100,000, its price $96,311.37—enough, perhaps, to buy a small piece of meaning (but not happiness).

The altcoins, by contrast, fare like minor characters in a Russian novel—reduced, overlooked, fated for misfortune. Bitcoin’s dominance swelled 13% in early 2025, devouring $300 billion from lesser coins. The peasants weep, the czar feasts.

The chasm widens between Bitcoin and the rest—proof, perhaps, that the world prefers one czar, not a parliament of jesters. Projects of resilience and depth stand tall; meme tokens, built on sand and delirium, approach their end with the grim acceptance of Russian intellectuals given to despair.

If a lesson exists, it’s this: the meme coin bacchanal nears its finale. The next act promises either redemption or a more creative disaster. Buy your ticket—or don’t. Dostoevsky would approve.

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2025-05-02 04:16